Looking for a way out

LegacyUser

After 4 years of being with the same person (met in college), I have been recently looking for ways out. This relationship has been on and off recently with me moving out twice because he went out on the p*ss too much and became depressed and acted the maggot a couple of times, including starting arguments with my uncle which involved him throwing a punch at a family party! He was restrained and put into a taxi and he is still ashamed of that. He refuses to see a doctor and refuses to do anything about it. He just thinks it'll change on its own.

I on the other hand got a great job coming out of college. I am really happy there and full of energy. And when I come home he says I rub it in. But all I Do is tell him about my day if he asks me. i don't want to feel guilty for being happy in my job. I said this to him that he needs to make changes and that I wil help to facilitate these changes if it means taking on the rent and bills on my own while he sorts himself out.

but at this stage. It's becoming too much. His mood swings and sleeping all day on his days off instead of wanting to do things with em are really annoying me.

I'm looking for a way out. Can anyone advise me?

Kevin Duffy

What do you mean "look for ways out"? If you want out, you say "I want out, it's not working for me, goodbye". Add as many words as you like to that, it'll still be the same message and anything else is pointless, confusing and dishonest.

Ickle Magoo

I'm not sure what you mean by looking for a way out either - do you want out or do you want things to change?

If you want out then just get out, it doesn't matter how you dress it up I'm sure if he's thrown punches at family gatherings and is lying about all day then he's well aware all is not right - if you want things to change then tell him how you feel and what has to change for your relationship to survive and see if he can/wants to help himself and save the relationship.

All the best.

Chinafoot

hecomplainsiwannago wrote: »

I'm looking for a way out. Can anyone advise me?

The door is probably a good place to start.

I don't mean to be flippant OP but if you want to leave then leave. You said yourself you have a great job and if you are in a position to support him while he sorts himself out then you must be financially independent and therefore able to move into a place of your own.

If your relationship is over, and it sounds as if it is, then just go. Tell him it's over, pack your bags and leave.

If you want to sort things out with him, then you need to discuss things with him properly. Perhaps suggest he attend a counsellor. Lay down some ground rules and tell him that unless things change within a specific time frame you will leave.

Wompa1

Looking for a way out? No offense but that's the talk of a coward...are you expecting someone to tell you some great lie you can tell to make it easy? Whether he's a dick now or not, you spent 4 years with the guy. Tell him the truth, say after 4 years together I no longer feel as strongly about you as I once did, I cannot stay in a relationship with somebody who is as destructive and unwilling to help himself as you are. I'm sorry if this hurts you. Goodbye. Boom.

SheFiend

Absolutely agree. There's no way to dress it up; you are not happy, he is not happy, you can't make him happy and he can't make you happy. So why carry on? Sounds like ye have two very different outlooks on life. You already know you want to go, the only thing left is to do it. Might seem scary now, but better to be single and free for a while than to be unhappy with someone who drags you down. It helps neither of ye to continue. Best of luck.