What to do about friend returning?

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this one. Need a bit of advice.
Basically a very close friend of mine went to Australia a few years ago, she was meant to stay for a few months with family. Anyway she stays in touch for a while then she meets a fella, has a kid and basically ceases all contact with me. Except for an email about her falla cheating on her etc. Now i know she has her own life but i mean she does be on Facebook chat and doesnt make any effort to talk, though other friends of mine have heard from her. So i get an email the other day saying she's coming over here for a holiday and wants to meet up and introduce me etc. What do i do? Tbh i couldnt care less if she was over or not, i've basically washed my hands of her.

ElleEm

sue-choccy wrote: »

Going unreg for this one. Need a bit of advice.
Basically a very close friend of mine went to Australia a few years ago, she was meant to stay for a few months with family. Anyway she stays in touch for a while then she meets a fella, has a kid and basically ceases all contact with me. Except for an email about her falla cheating on her etc. Now i know she has her own life but i mean she does be on Facebook chat and doesnt make any effort to talk, though other friends of mine have heard from her. So i get an email the other day saying she's coming over here for a holiday and wants to meet up and introduce me etc. What do i do? Tbh i couldnt care less if she was over or not, i've basically washed my hands of her.

There's your answer. Just write to her and tell her how you feel. That you've not had much contact over the past few yrs/ you feel like you have separate lives etc.

Firetrap

Something a bit similar happened to me. Someone I considered to be a good friend dumped myself and some mutual friends when she met a fella, got married and had kids. Even though some of us went through rough times with sick parents, health issues, relationships etc., she never bothered to even send a text to as how things were. Earlier this year she sent me an email and sent a friend request on Facebook. I was torn between my normal way of going about things - I try to be nice to people and not be rude - and what my gut was telling me. In the end I deleted the email without replying to it and rejected the friend request. One I did that, I felt happier in myself and to me, it was the right thing to do.

I think you should make an excuse and not meet up with her. It sounds like she's a user to be honest and that she's only wanting to meet up with you when she gets home because it's to her advantage. I'm assuming that she's bringing over someone that she's met or her kids and wants to make it look like she's got loads of great friends from home. You can't just turn friendship on and off like a tap but that's what she's doing.

woodchuck

You didn’t mention how much effort you put in to try and keep in touch? If there was reduced communication on both ends you can’t really blame her that much, as she was on the other side of the world starting a new life and family. But if you were really making an effort and she was blatantly ignoring you then trust your instincts and don’t meet up with her.

trio

If you're not going to bump into her accidentally whilst she's over, I'd return the behaviour and simply not respond to the email at all.

Cos I fear that if you respond saying "I'm not meeting up with you because you didn't make enough effort" then it'll turn into a war of words, you'll end up looking petty, and she'll tell all your other friends when she arrives over, all "WTF is sue-choccy's PROBLEM??"

So just ignore it.