Am I being selfish not telling all???

boxoff

Hey guys,

Just looking for an honest answer and opinion - does your other half know EVERYTHING about your ex/exes???

My boyfriend is FASINCATED by my previous partners so much so that he has asked me to show him pictures of the them, asked a million questions about then, threw them in to the odd conversation refering to something I stupidly told him we did together and just loves any sort of information about them.

The last 3 arguements we had revolved me arguing with him that I wasnt going into any more detail on the matter at all at all, I honestly just dont see why on earth he cares! I dont give a toss about his previous girlfriend.

Any thoughts?

Asphyxia

does your other half know EVERYTHING about your ex/exes???

God no! If we're in a group or a conversations comes up about exes then I'll give my two cents and maybe a story or two but that's it!

My boyfriend is FASINCATED by my previous partners so much so that he has asked me to show him pictures of the them, asked a million questions about then,

This sounds crazy! Is he trying to compare himself to them? Maybe he's insecure about something in your relationship and wants to know about your others and see if they're similar!

The last 3 arguements we had revolved me arguing with him that I wasnt going into any more detail on the matter at all at all, I honestly just dont see why on earth he cares! I dont give a toss about his previous girlfriend.

These people are in the past for a reason you shouldn't feel bad for not giving him details, he's over stepping the mark and being totally unreasonable. If I where you I'd sit him down and tell exactly how it's making you feel and that you can't deal with the constant interrogation about people from your past. Find out why it's so important to know about them.

I really hope you're able to sort out this problem.

Kevin Duffy

I find this to be wierd. Each to their own and all, but I can't see the good in this. I also had a similar situation and foolishly answered most of the questions. My then OH said she wasn't jealous or threatened etc. Sure enough when rows started, her previous interest revealed itself to have been an ammunition gathering exercise. I'd recommend that beyond sparse details, the past is left where it where it belongs.

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

Just looking for an honest answer and opinion - does your other half know EVERYTHING about your ex/exes???

i wouldn't say he knows EVERYTHING but he knows almost everything about their relationships with me yes.

My boyfriend is FASINCATED by my previous partners so much so that he has asked me to show him pictures of the them, asked a million questions about then, threw them in to the odd conversation refering to something I stupidly told him we did together and just loves any sort of information about them.

that is strange though, my other half never asked for the information i volunteered it, but to be honest considering serious issues that revolved around the break up of the first ex i felt i had to tell him about my past (even though it was my past my ex had a lot to do with the situation) to let him make up his mind about being with me for the future, it was complicated in my case though,

i had serious mental health issues back then that can come up in conversations at times (and i talk about it freely anyway since i don't let the stigma of it effect me), and everyone knows about it so he would have been left out anyway if i hadn't told him everything. Also i knew it would come back to bite me in the ass sometime in the Future,

and when it did you can be sure i was happy my other half knew everything bad i did to the ex and he knew the guy i knew when i was with my ex (if that makes sense), As for how it effected us, i think it did make him Wary at first but he decided to give us a go anyway and 3 years later he comments about the fact im nothing like and never was like the crazy girl i described to him, but thats it, he doesn't enjoy information on my exs nor do i like giving it to him, considering all the info i have is out of date anyway...

some people might think its weird but in my case it was necessary to tell him everything, in yours unless you have a dubious past which i suspect not why is he looking for outdated information? or are you still friends with said exs? either way unless you are like me and need to tell him details i personally wouldn't otherwise.


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Esoteric_

My OH knows a bit about 3 of my exes, but not because I wanted to tell him or he wanted to know. He knows about my boyfriend before him because that ex was calling me at 5 in the morning while I was with my current bf to tell me he loved me, regularly. I had to explain a bit about the tumultuous relationship. He knows about 2 others because some things they did to me affect me in relationships and day to day life, so I had to explain some weird things (nothing like insecurity, I could pass that off, but freaking out if my throat is touched, very odd things like that lol).

Aside from that, he knows nothing about my other exes. He knows I'm on good terms with a couple of them but that's about it. I know little about his exes, just that he's on good terms with one or two of them and they seem like lovely people.

Wondering about your exes is something I would consider to be fairly normal, but constantly asking, bringing them into the conversation and wanting to see photos is just plain odd. Sounds like he's very insecure but you need to tell him that your exes are not something that you want to discuss and he needs to deal with it.

lace

Hi OP!

Him wondering about your exes is fine - we're all a little curious sometimes.

Your bf, however, seems to be crossing the line from curious to obsessive. It's not normal to want every single detail about your past relationships or to see photographs of the men you were with before him. It sounds like he's feeling insecure but it could a sign of possessiveness borne from a feeling that you are now 'his'.

Does he ever talk about his past relationships (whether you care or not)? Perhaps he's insecure because a girlfriend went back to her ex or cheated on him in the past. This, of course, is not an excuse for subjecting you to the spanish inquisition but it would partly explain why he's acting so strangely.

I think the best thing to do is to just calmly tell him that your past relationships are the past and that if he wants any kind of future with you he has to accept that because you're not willing to let your exes get in the way of your relationship. Don't let him make it into a big arguement, just make your point and make it clear you're not going to budge on the matter.

Neyite

I think that you have to give the people in your past the same level of privacy that you afforded them when you were together. To tell someone else intimate details that involve someone else is really disrespectful - and you should tell your boyfriend this.

Would you like if it your ex was telling his current girlfriend what your bad habits were, what sexual positions you liked, what naughty fantasises you had, whether or not you waxed, or even telling them about your insecurities, problems in your family or whatever. Nobody would. So why would you do it to them.

I knew an ex of my current partner quite well, and he would never go into intimate details -and I'm very glad. It means that he respects her privacy even if it went sour, and I know that if we split, he would respect my privacy, which is nice to know.

OP, I agree with others that your boyfriend is beyond curious at this stage -and beginning to get obsessive. Its time for you to take the "ex" topic entirely off the table and stop feeding his obsession.

The minute he brings up the topic, refuse to answer a single question, and change the subject. If you have to, leave the room until he gets the message.