Really confused and need Advice

LegacyUser

Hello people ,
I'm going through a pretty tough time at the moment and really not so sure what to do !
I was going out with a girl for 16 months , it was a long distance relationship but we really worked hard for each other and made it work but we broke up 7 weeks ago and im still really hurting and devastated to be honest! i really love this girl i really think shes the one for me but things obviously havent gone well ! we met in the strangest circumstances and i really believe it was faith that made it happen! As soon as i seen her i knew she was everything id ever wanted!
The reason she broke up with me was we have a madly tough year of education ahead of us and she felt she couldnt keep travelling and working at our relationship because she really needed to focus on doing well in her education which i can understand to some extent !
however this really isnt the problem for me !
the big problem for me is when she broke up with me she really wanted to stay great friends and maybe try again in a year if we could remain friends and still felt the same way about each other which is something i really wanted and still do want ! we chatted the day after the break up and it helped a lot to sort things out friendship wise and she truthfully assured me she still loved me as much as she ever did and she wanted a future with me but there was no guarentees and i understood that !
but three days later i was beyond devastated after the break up and i told her i was really down and heartbroken and she said she felt the same way. i was deeply in shock and wasnt really talking much sense and i know this sounds bad but i said "my head wasnt right i was in a dark place and i was having some really bad thoughts " she took this as i meant suicide which is what most people would have thought but i really didnt mean it that way because im such a positive person bad thoughts to me is staying in bed all day not talking or eating and thats how i felt but she thought suicide and rang my parents to tell them .
i rang her back to explain and apologise if i had hurt or scared her but as soon as she said my name on the phone i could hear her mother in the background saying hang up now and she did ! this really hurt me and from that moment she has ignored me since iv text(only option of contact) about four times explaining everything and just asking to be friends but she has completely ignored me and iv been really lonely and heartbroken because of all this !
we really had a great relationship we were really in love not once in 16 months did we fight or have a disagreement! i want to be friends and give us a go in the future im planning on trying to support her through the year with helpful texts and study aids( most i can do due to her silence) .

i know this is long winded may seem strange and contain huge gaps and if you want more info before replying just ask i left somethings out but i truly love this girl and shes the one for me ! basically what im asking is does anybody see hope for us in the future or am i kidding myself completely kidding myself ?

i want to keep fighting for her and us i dont think i could ever give up on her she means way too much to me for that !
thank in advance guys !

curlzy

Hey OP,

Yeah I would have hope for it if you guys have as good a relationship as you are describing. I would have thought suicide too if you said that to me so tbh I don't really blame her for ringing your parents or for hanging up on you. She probably saw it as an attempt to control her, or she may have thought "I'm in the middle of my education, I can't be on suicide watch for someone". She did right in telling your parents.

Really the best thing you could do is top texting her etc. This is just going to make you look desparate and make her not want to try again. If I were you I would send her a letter and just tell her what you meant when you said dark thoughts and apologise for scaring her and just say to contact you when she has the time and the headspace to give the relationship another try. I think if you try to ring/text her again you're going to freak her out and frustrate her and you'll end up pushing her away. So yeah write her the letter explaining everything and then back off.

Best of luck.

naughtysmurf

I'd agree with the previous post, you sound quite young and in your case, a letter is the way to go, you just freaked them all out with the "dark thoughts"

I'm familiar with attemped suicide (not me but close relative) it's a really stressfull situation and her mum was just trying to protect her, as mums do.

If she replies to your letter, great and you can continue on then to support her in her studies

Hope it all works out

Moomoo1

I'd never want to have a relationship with someone who's ignored me for six and a half weeks.

LegacyUser

thanks for your helpful advice so far its really appreciated most constructive advice iv had from anyone !

just a few questions :

would i go all out in the letter and tell her exactly how much i love her ??

if she doesnt reply do i still try and help her through the year ?? (this is something i can see myself doing becuse id hate to think she would have to go through it alone i know how stressed she gets)

cheers

naughtysmurf

still in love wrote: »

thanks for your helpful advice so far its really appreciated most constructive advice iv had from anyone !

just a few questions :

would i go all out in the letter and tell her exactly how much i love her ??

if she doesnt reply do i still try and help her through the year ?? (this is something i can see myself doing becuse id hate to think she would have to go through it alone i know how stressed she gets)

cheers

Don't think I'd go "all out", I'd explain clearly how the words you used caused the confusion in the first place and apologise again (for the last time)

Offer to help her through the year as in "if you ever need any help, you only have to call, I'd be happy to help you, you know where I am"

If she doesn't reply...she doesn't reply, don't pressure her

As you have her / them all freaked out, would probably end the letter with something like, miss you, love you loads, something nice but not too heavy

curlzy

still in love wrote: »

would i go all out in the letter and tell her exactly how much i love her ??

if she doesnt reply do i still try and help her through the year ?? (this is something i can see myself doing becuse id hate to think she would have to go through it alone i know how stressed she gets)

No don't write her a love letter. You can of course tell her you love her and that she means alot to you and you would like to try again when you both have time to commit to it but leave it at that. Then explain that you're sorry about the words you choose, you didn't mean to scare her and that you meant dark thought more as sad thoughts and not all related to suicide but you can understand how she got it wrong. Don't write her a long woffley letter, her cards are on the table that she can't be in a relationship at the moment but would like to try again. You have to respect that and back off, so no long sonnets!!! I wouldn't say "I can help you throughout the year" etc, leave it as a simple "I really hope you do well in college, if I can help out at all give me a call". Seriously OP, tone it down a huge amount, you don't want to come across as needy, clingy etc.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

hi everyone

really appreciate the advice

i sent the letter and said what ye advised basically explained what i meant about bad thoughts apologised and said i understand why she thought that
said if she needed help during the year id be glad to help
also said when your ready and have the time and space just come to me and talk we can see what happens
ended with " i really do miss you so much and my feelings are still the same about you and as you always used to say sometimes you have to say goodbye to say hello again i just really hope thats how things will be for us i love you "

didnt get a response as of yet and it still really hurts i miss her more than you could imagine my heart breaks more with every day!

thanks anyway

naughtysmurf

Hi OP,

Give it some time and see what happens, you are young and yes your heart hurts at the mo but life goes on, things change, people change, all kinds of stuff happens, move on and do your own stuff, if it's to be it will happen, just don't spend your life doing nothing and feeling sorry for yourself while waiting for her, as lovely as you may think she is, get out into the world and have some fun while you are waiting

LegacyUser

hey

i am doing everything to keep myself busy iv been out a lot with friends went back playing football and joined the gym iv a big year ahead of me too education wise i have been getting on with my life i just cant seem to shake the horrible feeling of heartbreak and lonliness i feel like a part of me is gone iv cried myself to sleep the last two nights despite trying to be strong and keep myself busy

i know where your coming from and i have been trying and i will continue to do so