Dont know what to make of phone call

LegacyUser

I'm a long time lurker on here and I'm hoping for an outside opinion on this. I have a 6 month old baby with my ex. She cheated on me several times during our relationship but none around the time she fell pregnant as far as I know. My daughter was born and everyone says she is the picture of me.

So I see my daughter and pay maintainance. The ex is on social welfare. But today I get a phone call from social welfare and the woman is enquiring as to why my name is on a birth cert for a child thats not mine. I was confused and she explained my ex had told her that my daughters not mine and I have nothing to do with her. That she put my name on the birth cert before she could tell me the baby wasn't mine.

Why on earth would she do this? I'm so confused and don't know what to think.

OUTOFSYNC

Unfortunately it seems your daughter's mother is not a reliable/honest person.

Firstly I would suggest getting a DNA test done straight away [you could do this informally with just your own DNA and daughters DNA without informing the mother if you want to avoid hassle/ with held access etc].

Or else your daughters mother is lying to social welfare to claim full benefits without declaring the money you give her.

Do you have guardianship ? If not I would suggest getting this as soon as possible (assuming you are the father).

tinkerbell

^^^ This.

Get a DNA test done ASAP.

woodchuck

OUTOFSYNC wrote: »

Unfortunately it seems your daughter's mother is not a reliable/honest person.

Firstly I would suggest getting a DNA test done straight away [you could do this informally with just your own DNA and daughters DNA without informing the mother if you want to avoid hassle/ with held access etc].

Or else your daughters mother is lying to social welfare to claim full benefits without declaring the money you give her.

Do you have guardianship ? If not I would suggest getting this as soon as possible (assuming you are the father).

I agree with all of this. The first thought that popped into my head was a social welfare scam.

The only way you're going to know for sure if she's yours is if you get a DNA test.

Eric Cartman

As bad as this will sound , id say let her go ahead , this means that if a disagreement ever came up not only do you have the card of stopping paying maintenence without fear of legal comeback, you also could report her for fraud . Unfortunatly you have to foght dirty to deal with dishonest people like this , and now you have a card to play to keep access to your daughter open if things go sour

mikemac

You pay maintenance but it's likely she's not declaring it to the social welfare. The welfare asked her about the father and any maintenance and she says it's nothing to do with you and gets no support.
So gets full benefits

This is so incredibly common

Anyway next thing I'd get a paternity test. I've no idea how you go about this but should be easy enough to find out.
But will she react and cut off access? She sounds the sort to resort to retaliation and tactics

Queen-Mise

DontKnowWhatsGoingOn12 wrote: »

I'm a long time lurker on here and I'm hoping for an outside opinion on this. I have a 6 month old baby with my ex. She cheated on me several times during our relationship but none around the time she fell pregnant as far as I know. My daughter was born and everyone says she is the picture of me.

So I see my daughter and pay maintainance. The ex is on social welfare. But today I get a phone call from social welfare and the woman is enquiring as to why my name is on a birth cert for a child thats not mine. I was confused and she explained my ex had told her that my daughters not mine and I have nothing to do with her. That she put my name on the birth cert before she could tell me the baby wasn't mine.

Why on earth would she do this? I'm so confused and don't know what to think.

Is there a legal aspect to this. Did you ex knowingly put your name on a birth cert when you may not be the father. If not then she is blatantly lying to the SW. Find out exactly what is happening. I would go to a solicitor as well as doing some form of paternity test.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is a horrible thing & way to find out about this.

Sardonicat

That phone call sounds very suspect to me!

BEfore you run off and get a DNA test I think you should call into the Soc Welfare Office and confirm that it was in fact someone from there that called you! I doubt very much that they'd make a phone call like that.

Did the caller give you a name? If not it was not a call from Soc Welfare!

Kidchameleon

Try to avoid conflict as much as possible, believe me its the best way to move forward. I'd have a word in her ear about the phone call and give her a heads up. You most likely are the father and she is just trying to maximize her SW. Definitely get guardianship, get a form from citizens information its called something like "Statutory declaration, guardianship of children". Yourself and herself then sign it at a solicitors or politicians office. Wont cost you a cent.

mikemac

Kidchameleon wrote: »

Yourself and herself then sign it at a solicitors or politicians office.

Not a politicans office

You mean a peace commissioner. Though this is often your local councillor but not always

Big Bag of Chips

I don't understand why social welfare would make that call to you. I agree with the advice to phone the social welfare office as a first step to ask if they would ever make such a call. If you get confirmation that they do... then question your ex.

Little Acorn

No I can see why the social welfare made the call. Girl comes in saying that the father's name that has always been on the birth cert is suddenly actually not really the father and has nothing to do with the child.

They are going to think the exact same thing that we are all thinking here -scam looking for more money. It was probably one of their inspectors ringing you.

What did you say to the person on the phone, and have you spoken to your ex about it yet?

I'm not sure how, but you should try to keep some official record or evidence of all maintenance you are paying. Otherwise it's so easy for her to turn around and say that you give her nothing.

As she has cheated in the past I would definitely get a paternity test done.
I think the courts can order these for you . They did for a female friend of mine before, but that was because her ex demanded it in court. He didn't want to pay maintenance and was in court trying to hold up procedures.

If your girlfriend admits to you that she is just looking for extra money from the SW, I don't think it would be advisable to go along with it.
I do know of a couple who are living together who used to do this -they don't anymore, but seeing as you two are actually broke up it could end up affecting you a lot more than her.

If she leaves your name on the birth cert and then lies and says that she doesn't receive anything from you, then you are going to find yourself getting your ass dragged to court for maintenance even though you are already paying it.

If she takes your name off the birth cert, then even though you have very few rights already if ye were not married, you'll more than likely have zero rights to visitation if you're not even on the birth cert.
It could work for awhile, but if you then fall out with her in the future you wouldn't have much legal right to demand visitation if you're not on the birth cert. I'm only presuming this is the case, could be wrong.

I'd say get the paternity test, and keep a record of all your maintenance payments. Maybe pay it directly in to her account from your account, and keep your statements.

Edited to add- Here's a link about how you go about getting guardianship if you don't already have it.:
http://www.google.ie/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CBwQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.citizensinformation.ie%2Fen%2Fbirth_family_relationships%2Fcohabiting_couples%2Flegal_guardianship_and_unmarried_couples.html&ei=CC8yTpn9DMuXhQfF4OneCg&usg=AFQjCNE4fhOr6_HkTlIMmXbaWg0lOUY8og

Big Bag of Chips

I didn't think it would be the place of social welfare to break the news to someone that they are not a child's father? Name on a birthcert doesn't necessarily mean anything. His name could be on it and he might not pay maintenance. His name could be left off it and he may still pay maintenance.

If she told SW that he was not the father and not paying any maintenance they would have asked her who was and would have tried to contact him for information on whether or not he was making maintenance payments. They also would (should) have told her to get the birthcert sorted out with the proper name, as her claim could not proceed with "false" documents.

I just think the phonecall sounds very suspicious. And if it did come from a SW office then it was grossly unprofessional of whoever made the call.

EDIT: Proper DNA tests that are acceptable in court are very expensive. But the person who is disputing paternity is the one who pays for it. So in this case, it would seem, your ex is disputing that you are the father.. therefore she would have to pay for the test.. if it is court ordered.

First thing to do is ring SW, then talk to your ex and ask her what is going on.. then you can take it from there.

Rev Hellfire

If I was you I would first talk to the SW office and confirm that a representative rang you. If that was the case talk to them.

Then get legal advise before communicating with the mother on this particular issue.