Porn - what is excessive?

LegacyUser

I'm looking for people's opinions regarding porn, specifically guys opinions.

My boyfriend has admitted that he looks at it every night online. I find the fact that he looks at it every night uncomfortable and I find it excessive. I know guys look at porn and that's ok but is it normal to look at porn every single night?? Do all guys do this? I must admit that it has made me very uneasy. Am I over-reacting??

Virgil°

How long is a piece of string OP?
Is your sex life or any other part of your relationship suffering because of it?

ElleEm

I'm a girl, and wouldn't see it as excessive. If it is affecting your sex life, then I would be concerned. Does it affect his daily life?

LegacyUser

Your question seems odd, because not all men even use porn, so of course not all men use it every night. (Also, many women use it too, so that would seem to make it odd to address the issue solely to men.)

Whether it's excessive is bewteen you and him. Everyone has differing ideas about what they are comfortable with in a relationship, whether it's flirting with other people, using porn, going to strip clubs, etc. You and he have to work that out between yourselves based on how uncomfortable it makes you that he uses it on a nightly basis, and how important it is to him to be able to do so.

LegacyUser

Just my opinion, but if my boyfriend looked at porn every night I would not be happy at all... Each to their own though. If its not comfortable for you then talk to him about it. If it was me, id genuinely be very uncomfortable so dont feel like youre over-reacting, its about whats ok for you, there is no universal right or wrong

recentlybigl

Id probably watch it every second day but sometimes every day. Most of my friends would be the same, i dont really think its excessive...haha but we all could just be horny fookers!

vicecreamsundae

Hi OP
I wouldn't like the *idea* of a boyfriend of mine watching porn every night. and it's kind of a mix of "am i not enough?!/is he more attracted to porn star types?/does this have any reflection on his attitude towards women?" and all sorts of other thoughts which I can (as I'm single and not in that situation) admit are silly and partly tied up in my own insecurities.

And yet -I watch porn. Often. Sometimes daily or more for a week, sometimes not at all for two or three weeks. True when I had a boyfriend I didn't watch it as much, but I still did sometimes. and it NEVER meant any of the things I was afraid it would mean if he watched it. It was just something I did. So, I would say so long as it's not affecting your sex life together, don't worry about it at all, and also it's nice that he's honest about it. I would feel weird if I was lied to about it.


*btw just realised... this is based on if the two of you are not living together. if living together,it changes things for me. i still think it's fine and normal to masturbate if the other person isn't there, or if they just want to watch or something. but i would have a problem if the dude was watching porn after i fall asleep or something, or doing it instead of doing me!

prinz

wondering? wrote: »

I'm looking for people's opinions regarding porn, specifically guys opinions.
My boyfriend has admitted that he looks at it every night online

Every night? Yes it's excessive IMO. No different to drinking every night, or watching tv every night, or going to the gym every night. Tell him to broaden his horizons a bit. It's habitual behaviour in search of a high. If he was playing online poker every night would you think it excessive?

curlzy

Hey OP,

I don't watch porn as I find it degrading to women and I think there's alot of abuse in that industry that I wouldn't like to contribute to. However, my bf does watch it, that's ok because it's his decision and not something I would feel entitled to object to. It's a very subjective issue, as others say it's not black and white, so people have different opinions. My bf watches twice a week or so but yeah I might find him watching it every day to be excessive. I'm wondering if your bf is happy with the amount of sex in your relationship? Perhaps you could have a chat with him and see if he's happy with the amount of sex you're having and if not, is that why he's watching it everyday? If that's the reason perhaps you could work on that end of things (no pun intended):D. However if he says he's satisfied with your sex life I would assume it's just something he enjoys doing and wouldn't worry overly. I would only be worried if my boyfriend started watching porn instead of having sex with me.

Best of luck

LeixlipRed

prinz wrote: »

Every night? Yes it's excessive IMO. No different to drinking every night, or watching tv every night, or going to the gym every night. Tell him to broaden his horizons a bit. It's habitual behaviour in search of a high. If he was playing online poker every night would you think it excessive?

Your argument might fall down if "watching porn" equates to having a five minute **** every night. Because then 35 minutes a week is hardly excessive. As others have said, it's up to you OP, do you consider it excessive? If you don't live together I can't really see an issue as it's unlikely he's fobbing you off to stay home and watch porn. It's only when it's a compulsive, addictive issue that I'd be worried.

LegacyUser

this is only an issue if you are'nt getting enough action because of it. anything outside that is you being controlling of someone elses life for whatever reason.

nicechick!

watch porn together!! anyhow no don't think its excessive as long as it doesn't interfere with other things

minidazzler

Pretty_simple wrote: »

Just my opinion, but if my boyfriend looked at porn every night I would not be happy at all... Each to their own though. If its not comfortable for you then talk to him about it. If it was me, id genuinely be very uncomfortable so dont feel like youre over-reacting, its about whats ok for you, there is no universal right or wrong

No, it's really his own private time, so it's about what's OK for him.

I wouldn't consider it excessive really. I presume ye are not living together? It's his private buisness, his private time and it has no bearing on your relationship. You are over-reacting OP, let sleeping dogs lie.

Count Duckula

Whilst it's true to say that it's his own private time and therefore he can do as he likes, the OP has every right to feel uncomfortable with it. Some people like porn, some people dislike it. Everyone has the right to feel how they want about it. If the OP is uncomfortable with her boyfriend watching it then there is nothing "wrong" about that. Obviously, she should not be able to stop him watching it against his will, but for her to say, "the amount you are watching is making me uncomfortable" is perfectly acceptable. Relationships are full of compromise, and although the boyfriend might not like being asked to cut down or lose his girlfriend, it is her right to ask him to make that decision.

At its core, this is simply an issue of a disagreement, and like any disagreement in a relationship whilst neither party has the right to make the other change their opinions or habits, they are perfectly in the right to ask them to.