Should I just run away?

LegacyUser

I live with my boyfriend of ten years. At the moment we are living with his parents because he is unemployed and I only earn 280euro per week. 80-100euro of which goes on the train, parking and petrol each week.

I'm 25, he is 26.

He just has no respect for me and is VERY domineering.
I'm starting to feel like we are brother and sister. Actually my little brother has WAY more respect for me than my partner has.

Without using this post as a catalog/moan for every fight we have ever had, here is just one example of what the weekend just gone was like:

I work 5 days a week, I leave at 9am and get home at 7.15pm every day.
On Saturday I got up at approx. 10am and started cleaning the house. He got up at 10.30am and left to set up for a gig he was doing later that night.

I did everything, hoovering, cleaned bathroom, etc. Then his sister got up at 2.30pm and she put on the washing and washed all the floors downstairs. She also cooked dinner for myself and her boyfriend.

Then at 9.30pm, I went outside and washed my car with a sponge and bucket.

The next morning I got up at 8.30am to polish my car, my partner got up at about 10.30am, he made me get back into bed because HE wanted sex.

Then, the usual **** started.

He started cleaning up the house, but according to him, myself and his sister are useless and can't do anything. All he does is call us lazy and selfish. If either of us sits down, he says 'you must think everything is done, do you? Is this your standard of clean?'

His Dad is exactly the same, they both only ever see what they do, and never what other people do for them.

His sister (and even her boyfriend) says I should just leave, she says he needs a shock.

I really want to go but I can't really afford it, I think I could afford 400euro a month on rent. But I need my own space for my little dog so I can't really share a house with people (and I just want to live alone anyway). But I think it could be mean to leave the dog on her own while I'm at work all day.

I seriously don't know if I should go or not, and how would I do it, do I just leave one morning or do I wait until we have a fight and then say that it was the last straw?

If it wasn't for my dog, I think I would just sleep in work and wash in the sink, I honestly wouldn't care.
But she is a hyper little jack russell and she needs space and attention.

ElleEm

You sound fairly unhappy, OP.

You need to do what makes you happy, and living with your boyfriend in his parent's house is not making you happy.

You should contact your local CWO and see if you would be entitled to any rent allowance as your income is so low. If you leave him, you will be assessed alone and therefore may be entitled to some money. You could also move closer to work saving on petrol and public transport.

Start making a list of pros and cons of staying or leaving. You will have a life if you leave, and you may find someone who loves and appreciates you. Make a list of things you need to do (CWO, financial implications of living alone, look on Daft.ie for pet friendly accommodation, etc.) and start your new life.

Miss Fluff

You won't be able to afford somewhere on your own for €400pm. You should however be able to find a room in a pet-friendly household. It may take time to find somewhere suitable so I'd start tentatively looking for somewhere else to live.

You don't even mention one positive, that you love him or care for him or anything else. I'd be inclined to cut my losses and forge a new life for myself.

You're only a baby at 25, you shoudn't be leading a life like this (nobody should!) so I'd make a clean break of it if I were you

LegacyUser

It depends where in the country you live.

I rent an entire 4 bedroom detached house in a large town in the West (near Galway) for 400 euro per month.

Check out daft, perhaps you could move to a different part of the country where rent will be cheaper and the location might be better suited to your dog? Perhaps you could find a job elsewhere that would pay better? I know everyone says there is no work right now, but I'm finding that not to be true. I've just got 3 job offers, and have taken one of them. I have several friends who have also just landed various long term jobs with very decent pay. If you put enough effort into looking, something will turn up.

Asphyxia

Daft.ie and Rent.ie are great for finding places.

It doesn't sound like he respects you whatsoever or his family for that matter if you're really unhappy then the best thing to do would be to leave, find a place and go to the Social Welfare and see what your entitlements are sometimes people need help and that's what they are there for.

I'm sure it wont be to hard to find a pert friendly home, make sure you ask the landlord/agent about it as sometimes it mightn't be stated on the advertisement. When I first saw my house there was nothing saying I could have pets but I mentioned it to the agent and then to the landlord and they said it was grand.

The first step is to move and after a few weeks you're going to start feeling better. Is there any chance of staying with a friend or family member until you sort yourself out?

Honey-ec

Runaway? wrote: »

do I just leave one morning or do I wait until we have a fight and then say that it was the last straw?

Don't do either; break up with him like a grown-up and lay out straight for him your reasons for doing so. At best, he might take something from it and change his ways iand you'll have done his next girlfriend a favour, at worst, he'll totally ignore you, but you'll be long gone and won't give a sh*t anyway.

You've been with this guy since you were 15. It sounds to me like the relationship has run its course (unsurprisingly; neither of you is the same person you were ten years ago) but it's so ingrained in you both that neither of you is willing to do the needful and call it a day.

Zen65

Runaway? wrote: »

I live with my boyfriend of ten years.
.....

I'm 25, he is 26.

He just has no respect for me and is VERY domineering.
I'm starting to feel like we are brother and sister. Actually my little brother has WAY more respect for me than my partner has.

........

His Dad is exactly the same, they both only ever see what they do, and never what other people do for them.

His sister (and even her boyfriend) says I should just leave.......

Your boyfriend's sister is right. This relationship sounds incredibly unhealthy. Staying with him because of your dog is wasting two human lives.

You do need to find a place for yourself (and dog), which may not be much at €400 per month, but this is the time to get out, as rents are relatively affordable. Another one or two years in this environment is going to leave you crippled and dependent on him (or on his family). I'm pretty sure you'd be happier by yourself (or with a man who appreciates you and treats you well) in a smaller house than you will ever be with this boyfriend.

As another poster has intimated, your relationship started at such young ages that neither or you saw the signs when it ended and was replaced by the remnants of an old habit.

It is time to move on.....

Be at peace,

Z