Wife wants out

LegacyUser

17 years (10 married) 3 kids (all under 6) my wife told me today she wants out. Things have been really tough the past 2 years as she has been studying and I'm unemployed (get the odd bit of work). Money pressure on me has turned me into a total b*****d at times and I'm quick to anger.
We have had a rocky relationship with plenty of massive fights due to our strong personalities, but always we patched things up.
Around 2 years ago I had a flirty text message with a woman I have never met. It was wrong and stupid but I guess I pretended to myself it was harmless. After my wife found out things went bad (of course). I begged her to forgive me and she did. We somehow got enough money together to go on a holiday and it was magic. We came back refreshed and we conceived baby number 3. About 6 months into the pregnancy I realised my wife was acting strange and getting texts at all sorts of hours. I confronted her and she admitted it was an old flame who she had bumped into. They exchange texts, met and kissed (no more than that I believe). I was gutted but accepted her word that she would cut contact.
So now, 8 weeks after baby 3 has arrived she has told me I am too hard to live with and although she loves me she is not in love with me. Today I realised she was still in contact with this old flame.
She says he told her he loves her, but she does not feel the same. I have no reason to think she would lie to me as what has she to lose?
Now she wants space, but I'm afraid that this is the end.......

What can I do? I am totally lost.

naughtysmurf

Well you have both committed infringements, the only thing I can suggest is having a heart to heart with her and suggest councilling, if money is tight as you suggest, try Accord, I think they only ask for a 'contribution', I think they come at it from a catholic viewpoint so may not be everyones cup of tea but maybe worth a shot

I've no experience of councilling personally, I assume it can be difficult for both parties but if it gets you where you want to be....

LegacyUser

I realise it might be hard but I think the best thing to do would be to let her go, give her time and space to think about what she wants. Your situation is very similar to mine except my OH did have an affair and he left me for a while. I took him back and now I am the unhappy one but I can't leave due to financial reasons. But, back to your situation! I understand you must be under huge pressure, both of you, with being unemployed and the stresses a new baby brings. At the moment maybe your wife just feels overwhelmed and her contact with the old flame is giving her a little 'the grass is greener feeling'. I think the worst thing you could do would be to stop her from going; give her freedom to reach a decision and hope it is the one you want.

OP you never actually mention if you love your wife and you admit being flirty with another woman. I believe that sometimes people are just not meant to be together no matter how hard you try or how much you want it.

Best of luck OP whatever you decide to do!

LegacyUser

I should have said I love her totally. I want to make this work. She suffered depression on our other 2 babies (very very bad on the second) so could this be another bout?

I've told her to take her time about what she wants to do. We are talking at least!