I HATE BEING SINGLE

LegacyUser

I'm not one of those crazy desprate girls, really. But I am starting to worry I will become one soon.
I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years in October 2008. He was my first proper boyfriend, eventhough I was in my mid 20's, the first guy I had slept with (the only guy I have ever slept with) and was my best friend. Our circumstance changed as a couple and we wanted other things, so our lives went different directions in the end and that was and still is fine. We've moved on, we dont talk much and havent seen each other since, bar the odd facebook comment.
Imidiatly after the break up I was sad, but got over it with work and going out etc, but now nearly 3 years on being single is driving me up the walls. All my friends are settled down in relationship or married. ALL OF THEM! I have tried making new friends by joining groups, but most of these people are man hungry girls throwing themselves at the few single men in the group or married and settled. I've tried dateing sites, and only found a few weirdos or men who were married. where else should I go?!
I'm not ugly, Im about a size 12, so I'm pretty average. I'm 29. I'm friendly and socialble. I just cannot get a boyfriend.
The longer I go without one the more I worry. I hate being single so much and being alone.
please tell me what I am doing wrong.
any male views would be a massive help.

Otis Driftwood

One thing I will say is that people ie men and women smell desperation.

A couple of my male friends are single,early 30s and they REEK of it and have over the last couple of years scared off at least 3 or 4 women each because they came on too strong.

I myself have been single a similar length of time to yourself and while there are aspects of being in a relationship that I miss I certainly dont view it as being the be all and end all.Over the last few years Ive dated different girls and for various reasons we wernt right for eachother so nothing serious developed.

You arent doing anything wrong,mainly because there are no hard and fast rules to dating or to meeting new partners,jeepers if there were it would make life alot easier in some respects!

The only advice I can give is that if you arent meeting anyone that interests you in your current social life then broaden your horizons depending on your interests.

Also,dont sweat it so much,you seem like a genuine person and at the end of the day you are only 29,a long way from being over the hill!

Best of luck to you.

LegacyUser

I am the same, have u checked out www.plentyoffish.com..its not bad, worth a look

LegacyUser

OP, you need to chill a bit. you are still young, there is no doubt you will meet somebody at some point . you need to ask yourself why you 'need' a boyfriend.. if you are'nt cool with yourself & happy with your own company it comes across to guys as being needy & lacking self confidence. ..the other thing is, don't assume all your friends who are with people are in some sort of perfect romantic fairytale land..chances are they are not.....
the sooner you realise you don't really need somebody to be happy then things should fall into place...., the other thing is if you are goin out with a big group of girls it can be intimidating to guys...just go out with one or two girlfriends and a male friend if available (to repel the sleazebags)...best of luck & don't worry...it WILL happen!

Cork24

If You worry to much You will jump in so deep that You cant get out seen it happen and Its not a nice thing.. so stop going out and trying to get a not friend or what ever if it happens it happens.

Online dating is the new way to go 60% of people are hooking up online

BraziliaNZ

Well, coming from someone who has screwed up relationships from thinking their other half is the be all and end all of their life, the best advice I can give you is that you need to learn to be happy on your own, as content as possible. Relying on someone else to make you happy is not a healthy way of life and is the main reason for disfunctional relationships I would think, and means unhappy couples stay together for life etc. Just work on yourself, try and be happy with yourself, and if someone comes along some day well that's an added bonus.

Miss Fluff

simple09 wrote: »

you need to ask yourself why you 'need' a boyfriend.. if you are'nt cool with yourself & happy with your own company it comes across to guys as being needy & lacking self confidence.

+1, this is bang on OP. If you so desperately "need" a man to fulfill you then that's not too healthy. Do you want one because all your friends do? Do you only feel defined as a human being by your relationship status? Why is it that this is so so important to you?

Right now you're ticking all the boxes on how best to find a boyfriend yes, but it seems like you're so anxious for this to happen you are probably putting people off.

Why don't you take some time out and make the decision NOT to date for a while. Now I'm not saying to turn out that hottie in a bar who asks you for your number but forget the dating sites for now. Forget trying to meet a man. Focus on yourself and boosting your own confidence and go out and have fun and meet new people and take meeting someone entirely off the agenda for the time being.

Of course you will meet someone but you'll meet someone when the time is right and when you're ready for it. Right now you've a bit of work to do on yourself before you're in a position to make the right choice.

d1975

I'm 36, single, and livng alone, I do have friends and go out but I feel at the moment I don't want to commit to a relationship I feel I'm not ready but in saying that if I met a woman I would like to get to know I'd chat to her but right now I don't feel there's need to rush, I don't know if that's weird or not but at the moment committing to a relationship isn't for rme

Mcilroy

If anyone identifies me on this thing I'll hibernate for the rest of my life but I completely understand where the girl is coming from. There is alot of good advice on here but I'd be someone in a similar boat. I'm a single fella and have been from August 08 (3 years this week- The Galway Races always remind me!) I have dated a few girls in that time but it's never been right. I think I have a problem of comparing them to ex girlfriends. I have this thing that looks are very important yet my mother tells me different! It is okay to say that there is an issue of self-confidence and insecurity involved but I don't think that is always the case. For some people being in a relationship just makes them happy. That may sound like they depend on another person, to an extent that is true but personally I know I'd be alot happier if I was with someone I really like. Nobody should settle for less than that! I'm 28, I'm a sub teacher and I feel a permanent post and a steady woman would do so much for me. It's easy to say you are youing and you've plenty of time but when you are 16 you would hope by the time you're 30 you would have at least met the person you would end up with. It does become a worry and a fear of ending up alone does set in. I have it and I struggle with it, it's not the be all and end all but it is very important to alot of people. I've no words of encouragement or wisdom but at least you know that there are other people in your position. Best of luck in the future.:)

LegacyUser

thanks for the advice people.
I've noticed that most of you say you have been on dates or people ask for your number etc. I have never been on a date, bar ones with my ex when we were a couple. I've never gone for dinner, to the cinema, to a gig or anything with a guy, unless he was a friend I knew well and it wasnt romantic.
no man has ever asked for my number really and if they have they dont call. I found that if you ever got with sombody on a night out if your not up for taking them home with you, then they dont really keep in contact with you. call me old fashioned, but i just prefer to know sombody a bit better before I sleep with them. I dont score much anyway, men seem to lose interest when I try to make conversation.

Bipolar Joe

I do not, at all, recommend Plenty Of Fish. The place is a pit, a gathering of the most pretentious, self-righteous schmucks to ever grace the Interbutts. Just had to put that in there.

Here's a question, how do you feel about younger men who break down crying and are terrible in bed? Because I'm single, too.

solovely

I'm also single and a couple of years older than you, and while I do get the odd day where I feel like you, for the most part, I love it.

The change for me came with a change of attitude.

You say you are lonely, you are looking for a boyfriend.

Boyfriends don't just appear, as we all know. You don't go out one night looking for a boyfriend and the next day, have one. You have fun, you find new activities, you date, you rediscover who you are and what makes you happy, and you enjoy yourself along the way. Hopefully eventually a boyfriend/ husband/ kids/ whatever you desire will come out of that, but it's not all about the final destination, it's the journey that counts.

Rather than doing activities to meet men, or make new friends, have you thought of any new activities that would make you happy? Things you couldn't do before when you were in a relationship? I've taken up loads of new stuff since becoming single, and have to say I'm genuinely 10 times happier and busier than I ever was.

Also, what's your attitude to dating like? 3 years without sex is an awful long time!!! How you finding that? I'm not trying to say you should go out and sleep with a different guy every night, but would you think of dating a bit more? Not with a husband in mind, but as a pastime, something to do for a laugh on a Friday night when all your friends are in with their husbands? You seem to have slated dating sites from the start, and personally I can totally see where you're coming from, but if you do want to get out and about more, they could be a great start. My advice would be to have a very bland profile, no photos, and use them for you to approach guys, and when you do, make your intro as fun and insteresting as you can, and include photos then...that way, you have the control, not the weird creepy guys, who probably won't bother with your boring profile anyway.

Also, what about meetup and single's nights and things like that? People are always extolling the virtues of them here.

Also, maybe your "smug marrieds" have other single friends who you could hang out with and go on a few girlie nights that aren't "man crazy" as you seem to think all single girls our age are!

Cork24

Bipolar Joe wrote: »

I do not, at all, recommend Plenty Of Fish. The place is a pit, a gathering of the most pretentious, self-righteous schmucks to ever grace the Interbutts. Just had to put that in there.

Here's a question, how do you feel about younger men who break down crying and are terrible in bed? Because I'm single, too.

Maybe your terrible in bed. One night stands are not at all that great if You want to have great sex You need to get to know what and what not he/she likes

LegacyUser

Hi OP.

Just a wondering from me here?

Do you come into contact with single guys at work or college etc?

The reason i say this is that a hell of a lot of people meet their other half at work. It can be a slow burner type thing but feelings develop eventually.