STD

LegacyUser

so, I'm in a bit of shock. I went for my first pap smear, the doc tested for STD's and it came back positive for Chlamydia.

I've had a few partners (1 long term that ended 2 yrs ago, and 6 since), I used protection with all of them barring the first partner, and one guy that I dated for a few months last year - though stupidly I did allow two of the guys enter me, before using condoms.

So now I have this, and I'm freaking out. I go see the doctor tomorrow, but from what I've seen online, they won't be able to tell how long I've had this or if it's damaged my fertility (if left untreated it can develop into PID - which means it travels further into your womb, and causes scarring, which can make it harder/impossible to conceive).

I'm also concerned because last weekend I slept with a friend without knowing I had this. It was a once off, we both used protection, had no fumbles or anything. I don't know whether I should tell him or not. He has avoided contact since - replied vaguely to one or two emails, and has made no offer to meet up since. So not only am I quite hurt at the fallout of sex with him, and it seems to have really cooled our friendship if not ruined it, I'm absolutely so ashamed that i have this, and might have passed it on - I can't face tellign him. Not only did I turn out to be a one night stand to him, so much so that he's awkward at any attempts to be friends, but I'm now 'dirty' cos I have an STD - I really don't want our mutual friends to know, and I don't want to have to look at him and tell him and see that 'eugh what did I catch from this slut' reaction....

could I risk not telling him, considering we used condoms and the chances and side affets for guys is low enough...I'd just hate to think he has it, and passes it on to another woman that might have her fertility affected by this.

then again - nobody warned me they had it - it's one of those symptomless diseases most ppl don't know they get it, and looks like rates of infections are really really high. shoudl I take the view that well, I had to go get tested to find out, let them look after their own sexual health?

Lon Dubh

I know that it is mortifying but I think you should tell him. I think for guys they might have no obvious symptoms so if he does have it he might not know and could be a carrier for years unless he gets tests. So though it is unlikely you passed it on it is better to err on the side of caution and tell him. If you can tell the other guys you were with as well that would be ideal.

Honey-ec

If you used a condom with this guy, then he should be fine. You do, however, need to tell anyone you've had unprotected sex with. I've been there and it's extremely embarrassing and unpleasant, but believe me, you'll sleep easier knowing it's done.

I am a friend

But why do you need to tell him if you used protection?

In The Sticks

tellornot? wrote: »

so, I'm in a bit of shock. I went for my first pap smear, the doc tested for STD's and it came back positive for Chlamydia.

I've had a few partners (1 long term that ended 2 yrs ago, and 6 since), I used protection with all of them barring the first partner, and one guy that I dated for a few months last year - though stupidly I did allow two of the guys enter me, before using condoms.

So now I have this, and I'm freaking out. I go see the doctor tomorrow, but from what I've seen online, they won't be able to tell how long I've had this or if it's damaged my fertility (if left untreated it can develop into PID - which means it travels further into your womb, and causes scarring, which can make it harder/impossible to conceive).

I'm also concerned because last weekend I slept with a friend without knowing I had this. It was a once off, we both used protection, had no fumbles or anything. I don't know whether I should tell him or not. He has avoided contact since - replied vaguely to one or two emails, and has made no offer to meet up since. So not only am I quite hurt at the fallout of sex with him, and it seems to have really cooled our friendship if not ruined it, I'm absolutely so ashamed that i have this, and might have passed it on - I can't face tellign him. Not only did I turn out to be a one night stand to him, so much so that he's awkward at any attempts to be friends, but I'm now 'dirty' cos I have an STD - I really don't want our mutual friends to know, and I don't want to have to look at him and tell him and see that 'eugh what did I catch from this slut' reaction....

could I risk not telling him, considering we used condoms and the chances and side affets for guys is low enough...I'd just hate to think he has it, and passes it on to another woman that might have her fertility affected by this.

then again - nobody warned me they had it - it's one of those symptomless diseases most ppl don't know they get it, and looks like rates of infections are really really high. shoudl I take the view that well, I had to go get tested to find out, let them look after their own sexual health?

Honestly... I think you have go tell the guys you slept with that you have a STD, it's only fair, it takes two to tango.

tenchi-fan

It's not hard to see why STDs are so infectious. You could break the cycle by giving these guys a heads up.

See http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/diseases/facts/chlamydia.htm for some pretty good reasons why you should tell people.

Esoteric_

It's not only your friend you have to tell. You've had unprotected sex with four people, not two, as you let two more enter without a condom.

They ALL need to be told because one of them is happily unaware of his condition and passing it on to even more people.

And carry condoms with you at all times, because unprotected sex with that many people is just plain stupid.

catch me if you can

you dont need to tell him as you used a condom. he will not have contracted it from you.

Secondly chlamydia is more likely to effect you reproductive system if you have the showing signs, such signs abdomanal pain, fever, itching.
Had you any of these problems from your post it sounds like you were showing no side effects so once you are treated you should be fine fertility wise.

thirdly you are not dirty or unclean. chlamydia effects thousands of normal people every day. the stigma means people dont talk about it.

you only need to contact people you have had unprotected sex with and the best way to do this is get your doctor to send a letter not naming you but just making them aware they may be at risk and to come in for a check.

Alopex

tellornot? wrote: »

could I risk not telling him, considering we used condoms and the chances and side affets for guys is low enough...I'd just hate to think he has it, and passes it on to another woman that might have her fertility affected by this.

then again - nobody warned me they had it - it's one of those symptomless diseases most ppl don't know they get it, and looks like rates of infections are really really high. shoudl I take the view that well, I had to go get tested to find out, let them look after their own sexual health?

Men can become infertile from it too. The risk is exaggerated for women and downplayed for men.

Also, don't worry about this so much. No-one goes out trying to get infected. If you didn't realise you had this sti, and a guy called you and said "hey - I have chlamydia, you should get tested" - would you hate him? spread rumours? No, you'd get tested.

I had an ex who discovered she had genital warts and kept it hidden from me she was that freaked out. I found out when I found a lotion she was using and googled it. She nearly went into a catatonic state when I asked her what was going on.

I didn't split with her, its as common as muck. She should have told me in fairness, but reading threads like this I'm not surprised she was scared about my reaction.

Miss Fluff

tellornot? wrote: »

I've had a few partners (1 long term that ended 2 yrs ago, and 6 since), I used protection with all of them barring the first partner, and one guy that I dated for a few months last year - though stupidly I did allow two of the guys enter me, before using condoms.

You've actually had unprotected sex with four and not two hon. Regardless of how short a time it was or whether he ejaculated or not, it's still unprotected sex.

As long as this geezer didn't at any stage penetrate you without a condom then I don't think you need to tell him. If he as much as entered you, even for a second, without wearing a condom then you do need to tell him.

And please stop being so hard on yourself using words like "dirty" and "slut". It is very unfortunate that this happened to you so don't go making it worse by having a low opinion of yourself and giving yourself a hard time.

55

.. or send them a set of antibiotics (flagyl lets say) as a gift pack!

Ickle Magoo

55 infracted - if you have no constructive advice to offer the OP, kindly refrain from posting.

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55

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

55 infracted - if you have no constructive advice to offer the OP, kindly refrain from posting.

As per the forum rules, be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

Please take the time to read the forum rules in the charter and abide by them.

Many thanks.

As per site policy, if you have an issue with any moderator instruction or request please contact me or one of my co-mods by PM

infarct about what? the topic talks about chlamydia and I didnt mention any explicit or even implicit 18+ word.

I have read the rules and couldnt find anything in my post that makes an offense or destructive behaviour.. can you point me to that exact word pls. thanks

Ickle Magoo

If you'd read the rules you'd know:

Questioning a mod action in a thread in the Personal Issues forum is considered off topic and unhelpful posting and may result in a ban from the forum.

Please read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter before posting in this forum again.

55

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

If you'd read the rules you'd know:



Please read the forum rules in the charter before posting in this forum again.

thanks Ickle Magoo (Ach, stick it up yer trakkans!)

Ickle Magoo

55 given a weeks holiday for steadfastly refusing to abide by site rules.

Back on-topic...

Esoteric_

I'd just like to point out to the people saying 'if you used a condom, you don't have to tell him -' that's simply not true. NOTHING is 100% effective, not even condoms. The rate is at 98.9% when used correctly, if I remember right.

There is a chance, albeit slight, that chlamydia could have been passed on even with the condom.

IrishEyes19

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I'd just like to point out to the people saying 'if you used a condom, you don't have to tell him -' that's simply not true. NOTHING is 100% effective, not even condoms. The rate is at 98.9% when used correctly, if I remember right.

There is a chance, albeit slight, that chlamydia could have been passed on even with the condom.

Totally agree with this, it states condoms help prevent, it doesnt say eliminates any chance, regardless of how small the chance is, people deserve to know

LegacyUser

Lynda - did I ask for your moral judgement? NO - please don't ever reply with such an absolutely thoughtless and unreasonably harsh comment again to anyone. 'having unprotected sex with that many ppl is just plain stupid.'....really?????? Do I need you to tell me that it's stupid? I don't think I got that - thanks for passing on that nugget of wisdom. I now have to worry about possible infertility and you come on here and tell me that what I did was stupid, well no ****s sherlock, do you think I don't feel bad and low and scared enough as it is without having you tell me that I fecked up? hopefully someone can rub it in your face and tell you what an idiot you are the next time you make a mistake.


At least other posters have been kind enough to give me advice and withhold the high horse attitude.

For everyone else, thanks so much - asides from Lynda's comments, what ye have said makes me feel a little less like a complete fool. I had a chat with the doctor today and he said that if I used condoms, then those guys are safe. If not, then they could have caught it, however, seeing as how I'm not in contact with them, then forget about it. He only advised that if I'm still in touch with them, then let them know they could have caught it.

For those partners that I had unsafe sex I think I will tell the ones I had some sort of relationship with - the one night stands, well, I guess it's up to them to get tested. Thankfully he was non judgemental and said that an awful lot of ppl catch it, it's very common and whilst I can't ever be sure no permanent damage has been done until I want to try for a baby, I'll have to hope that I got lucky, which considering I didn't have symptoms is possible. (then again, I could have brushed them off as they're not noticable)

murreemurree

i have a question. if you got tested for chlamydia and knew you had it and then went and slept with people unprotected knowing you had this, could you get in any sort of trouble?

IrishEyes19

murreemurree wrote: »

i have a question. if you got tested for chlamydia and knew you had it and then went and slept with people unprotected knowing you had this, could you get in any sort of trouble?

I dont know about that, but I'm pretty sure if you contract AIDS and knowingly sleep unprotected with someone else without informing them, you can be arrested.

@at OP, I guess I was wrong also so for thinking you should tell the people you slept with protected. But I also think Lynda's post was completely factual and there wasnt a single bit of personal judgement directed at you in. Her post based on the information she had, merely just expressed what she thought and I previously thought was true. And it all statistics, there was no moral or judgemental tones in it. So I dont think she was harsh at all.

Esoteric_

I wasn't trying to be judgemental at all, so if it came across like that, that wasn't my intention. I DID give advice based directly on what you asked, the reason I said about unprotected sex with that many people being stupid is because you could hurt yourself from it. I was trying to help you to remember next time that you don't want to be in this situation again, not judge you.

As for the rest of it, I was just giving factual information rather than emotional support because in your situation, I'd need the facts rather than the emotional support. And I'm dealing with infertility myself (not caused by an STD, because of another health issue) and I know that I personally needed all the facts before I could evaluate things and THEN I sought emotional support, which is why I gave you the facts.

If you have a problem with my post you can report it (there's a little report button underneath either my screen name or my post, can't remember which), but as I said, I wasn't being judgemental, I was trying to help.

Esoteric_

murreemurree wrote: »

i have a question. if you got tested for chlamydia and knew you had it and then went and slept with people unprotected knowing you had this, could you get in any sort of trouble?

I'm not sure about what the laws are in Ireland, but I know in other countries you can be done for GBH with intent.

vicecreamsundae

OP I would strongly recommend you tell anyone you've had sex with, condom or no condom. while you say it's up to the one night stand's to get themselves checked, think about the girls they might have slept with, who may catch it. as you know, the longer it's left untreated the more serious it can be. do it for the karma

I've gotten two "you might want to get checked.." emails, (after using condoms) and thankfully I always got the all-clear . In fact, one time it turned out the guy just got an urinary tract infection, so didnt need to email at all! Neither times did I think they were gross, and both times I appreciated their honesty and consideration for contacting me.

As for the friend who you reallly don't want to tell, perhaps you could send him an anonymous email? but he would have to be a pretty huge scumbag to go around telling everyone. the other thing is that chlamydia is SO common, and really not a big deal so long as you handle it asap that i dont even know if people would really still associate it with being a "dirty slut" as you said. a few years ago i'd have been mortified to get it and stuff, but now i know so many people that have had it and sorted it, that i don't think i'd be that bothered if people found out if i got it. the very fact that you get checked and find out and tell previous partners proves you're actually sexually responsible.


so yeah, i'd urge you to tell everyone you've has sex with.

and sorry to hear about your mate being **** since you hooked up. that's a horrible feeling alright (and a little bit of me hopes he HAS caught it, as a lesson for him treating you so badly!)

King of Kings

it's morally wrong not to tell your previous partners that you have an STI - whether protection or not was used.

It prevents them spreading it to others not minding the consequences of it not being treated.


it's that straightforward