i despise my mother

LegacyUser

I hate my mother and I'm assuming this isn't normal?

I'm 18 years old and she still treats me like I'm a little kid. I'm an independent person but she keeps trying to control me, keeps "smothering" me.

She has been driving me insane for the last year now. Everything I do she questions/has a drama fit. For example I told my parents I was dropping down to ordinary math, she burst into my room crying. After that I didn't bother telling them I did another ordinary subject as well or that I'll probably have to repeat my leaving cert, I'm having to repeat partly due to the inhabital environment she created at the house (not the home, the house) and how angry she has made me.

She is the most controlling, manipulative person ever. She drives me insane and then asks if I have been moody lately. She was nearly in tears the other day again because I didn't get up until 3 o clock in the afternoon.

I know i'm not expressing myself clearly but she has driven me to the point where I could not give a toss if she died.


arggggghhhhh

Otis Driftwood

Harsh truth time OP.

You are 18 now so need to start acting like an adult.The crying over the maths thing may have been a bit of an over reaction but what it sounds like to me is that she actually cares how you do in your exams,ya,thats really worthy of being hated alright.

Cop yourself on and be thankful that you have a mother that loves you,there are thousands of people out there that have lost their mothers or whose mothers dont give a damn about them,you should count your lucky stars you arent in their shoes.

Overheal

Why was she crying about the ordinary math and why were you not up until 3pm?

or that I'll probably have to repeat my leaving cert, I'm having to repeat partly due to the inhabital environment she created at the house (not the home, the house) and how angry she has made me.

Are you repeating or aren't you?

tallaghtmick

Yes shes over reacting but you are only 18 so take it easy on the hate,when I was that age I thought my mother was a over protecting weirdo who was simply embarrassing.....9 years on with her not as healthy as she used to be I gladly spend the time with her now and she loves my son to bits.....prob more than me:eek: and im very loveable lol,give her a break op and try relax too you dont need to stress yourself with the lc coming up.

coolcat63

She's probably realised that getting up at 3pm in the afternoon isn't going to bode well for your further education and/or job prospects, which is upsetting. On the upside everyone hates their parents at some point or another; this is your time. You will hopefully find that she gets nicer as you mature.

LegacyUser

So you might have to repeat your leaving cert because of how "angry" your mother makes you at home.It sounds to me like you are just looking for someone to blame for your own short comings, and have decided to take it all out on your mum.Many people have completed their leaving cert and even degrees whilst living with parents doing a lot worse things than your mum is doing.

I completely understand that serious issues like parents with harmful addictions, or abusive environments can seriously hinder a person's education, I have first hand experience of living with an alcoholic mother and although I still thankfully managed to get a really good leaving cert, and a top university spot , it did affect my education at college level, as I was constantly travelling home for weeks at a time to look after her and my younger sibling.I really hugely admire the people who can plough through with their education despite these types of things, or people who deal with much worse things like physical or sexual abuse. Things are back on track for me now though thankfully, I've gone back to college and am loving my course, and mum has gotten her life back on track.

Sorry for going slightly off topic, my point is that all your mother seems guilty off is caring and worrying too much about you.She does sound overly sensitive and too dramatic, you should sit her down and explain to her that her over the top reactions are not helping anything, and that you feel you can't come to her to talk because of fear of her reactions.

To say that you couldn't give a toss if your mother died, when she quite clearly loves you so much, is an absolutely disgusting thing to say.
Even with any issues I've had, I still love my mum to bits, and I'm very, very close to her.I really don't think you truly mean it, well at least I hope you don't.Tbh you come across as very immature and whiny.

Just try discussing these things with your mother like an adult, and see how it goes. If it doesn't work, well at least you are 18 and can hopefully be moving out soon anyways.

I am a friend

Sounds like she is at the end of her tether with you...

fulhamfanincork

jesus op, that's harsh enough.

LegacyUser

yeah you guys are right. i'm just an angry/impulsive person, have gone to councilling in the past.

I let things get on top of me and just let out outbursts. just my parents split up when i was starting secondary school, we moved from leitrim to dublin. changes changes changes. ugh.

cheers.

TwoBirds

I know it seems that she is doing these things to annoy you, but it seems to me like everything she has done is out of concern for you and your future. She probably wants you to stay in higher level maths so you can get more points and a better Leaving Cert. She sounds emotional, but only in your favour and because she wants more from you - to benefit yourself.

anger wrote: »

I know i'm not expressing myself clearly but she has driven me to the point where I could not give a toss if she died.

I don't want to be judgmental OP, but this is not something you should say or think about lightly, ever.

mikemac

anger wrote: »

I'm having to repeat partly due to the inhabital environment she created at the house (not the home, the house) and how angry she has made me.

You're looking for someone to blame and if you get a bad Leaving and have to repeat it's your fault and your responsibility, nobody can do the exams for you.

She cares about you and your future, if she didn't care she wouldn't say anything. So she saw all your study habits over the years and seeing you get up at 3pm and is concerned for your future

anger wrote: »

I know i'm not expressing myself clearly but she has driven me to the point where I could not give a toss if she died.

Wow

C-J

My mother died when I was six. I would kill to have what you have. I've pretty much had to deal with all lifes obstacles myself, every milestone in life without her there. I'd only love to have her here fussing over me, being over protective and giving out to me! You're an absolute child. You definitely wouldn't have the balls to stand up and be an adult if god forbid something happened to your mother. Cop on to yourself.

LeixlipRed

I'm 26, live away from home and my Mam still annoys the hell out of me sometimes. Would never wish that she was dead and I think in a few years OP when you're living away from home and something bad happens to you the first person you'll want to be there for you is your mother. And she won't always be there, so make the most of that time while you can!

LegacyUser

You say that your parents separated/divorced a few years ago; maybe your mum is still having difficulty in coming to terms with the end of that relationship, and when she sees you do things like drop down a level in Maths, or repeat your Leaving, or stay in bed for half the day, maybe she feels like she hasn't done right by you or that she's failed you as a parent. Try to see it from her point of view. Don't try to deliberately disappoint her just to spite her. She loves you and she wants you to be a success in life.

Everyone goes through the 'I hate my parents' phase, but you will regret saying you wouldn't care if she died when she does die. You're an adult now, so that means copping on and being mature about your grown-up relationships. It's a cliche, but if you want your mum to treat you like an adult and stop 'smothering' you, you will have to start acting like one - showing her that you're responsible and have your head screwed on right, not throwing a tantrum everytime she does or says something you don't like. If you can be calm and rational (which it doesn't sound like you can be at the moment, to be honest), she will soon realise that she can leave you to your own devices and cut the apron strings a bit.

In other words, stop acting like a petulant teenager and appreciate this woman who wants the best in life for you.

Beruthiel

anger wrote: »

I didn't get up until 3 o clock in the afternoon.

This is a wind up surely?
You're lucky I'm not your mother, I would have had your lazy ass up long before 3. House to be cleaned, study to be done.

I could not give a toss if she died.

She must be so proud. To raise such a thoughtless, ungrateful, insensitive child is not easy....

I expect your mother will start treating you like an adult when you stop acting like a child.
From the looks of your OP, that won't be for some time yet.

ElleEm

OP, you are at an age now where you are transitioning from a child to adult. You may feel like an adult, and legally you are an adult, but you are still living at home and you have JUST finished school. And from your post, you may be returning to school to re-do your Leaving Cert. You have to acknowledge that your mother still sees you as a child. It wasn't that long ago that she was bathing you, wiping your tears and putting you to bed. Give her a bit of credit.

Your mam will treat you as she sees how to treat you. If you are back chatting, slamming doors, sleeping all day, etc. then she will treat you like a kid, as that is how you may be acting. Fair enough, she does sound a bit dramatic but I reckon she only wants the best for you.

Man up. Take more responsibility for yourself- if you are failing exams, it is because YOU are failing them.

LegacyUser

anger - mellow wrote: »

yeah you guys are right. i'm just an angry/impulsive person, have gone to councilling in the past.

I let things get on top of me and just let out outbursts. just my parents split up when i was starting secondary school, we moved from leitrim to dublin. changes changes changes. ugh.

cheers.

Just saw this post. We can all have our outbursts, and I'm now convinced that you didn't mean the nasty thing you said in your first post. I would again suggest that you speak to your mum and try to sort out these problems as calmly as possible, and just tell her how you are feeling.

The split may still be affecting you, or maybe you never dealt with it fully in the first place and it is only beginning to affect you more now. I think you should give the counselling another go, as things seems to be really getting on top of you and causing these angry outbursts. Best of Luck.

David09

Have some perspective wrote: »

Just saw this post. We can all have our outbursts, and I'm now convinced that you didn't mean the nasty thing you said in your first post. I would again suggest that you speak to your mum and try to sort out these problems as calmly as possible, and just tell her how you are feeling.

The split may still be affecting you, or maybe you never dealt with it fully in the first place and it is only beginning to affect you more now. I think you should give the counselling another go, as things seems to be really getting on top of you and causing these angry outbursts. Best of Luck.

+1.

It's bad times out there and only with good results and college degree will guarantee a good future which is the difference between a job sweeping the streets and getting somewhere. She's only looking out for you.
Knuckle down man, get the results. They'll pay off in the long term and you'll eventually appreciate and thank her for her support.

LittleMissLost

While I *somewhat* get where you're coming from with your anger, it angers me for you to be so ungrateful to her.

I am the same age as you and have also just done my LC. I don't want to go into details but you are SO LUCKY to have a mother who actually cares about you and your future and I think it's so selfish of you to have so much resentment towards her. I understand she may p1ss you off at times, whose mother doesnt? Believe you me, it could be SO much worse. This is experience talking

Perplexed22

OP Have you considered that your mother might have other things on her mind? It sounds like she's under a bit of pressure. Why not get up before her in the morning, bring her a cuppa in bed, and ask how things are going with her? Keeping communication channels open is always a good idea. The fallout from the exams will pass (eventually!!) and you'll both wonder what all the fuss was about.