Irish Girl going out with Mauritian Man

brighteyess

hey everybody

I just wanted to get some thoughts on this. Myself and my boyfriend of 2 years have recently returned from a weeks holidays in Mayo. We got a good deal in a hotel down there and we decided to go. Last year we went to clifden and really loved it (as we both like activity holidays) . He is indian mauritian and i'm irish - and some people seemed to have a major issue with this. We literally got stared at everywhere we went - some people even double taked at us. At first I thought maybe its not us they're looking at but then after a few days of it I realised it definitley was us. One lady even sat through an entire dinner gawking at us as if we had 6 heads. My boyfriend naturally got annoyed at this and as a result he will not go back to Mayo and we think that it was awful. We tried not to let it ruin our holiday but people made it so obvious it was very off putting.

iguana

Thread moved to RI

Sonics2k

Honestly, stop caring what others may think about you and your partner.

It's sad that in this day some people still find it odd to see a multi-national couple, but really, what can they say or do.

You love him, he loves you. Problem solved :-)

55

brighteyess wrote: »

hey everybody

I just wanted to get some thoughts on this. Myself and my boyfriend of 2 years have recently returned from a weeks holidays in Mayo. We got a good deal in a hotel down there and we decided to go. Last year we went to clifden and really loved it (as we both like activity holidays) . He is indian mauritian and i'm irish - and some people seemed to have a major issue with this. We literally got stared at everywhere we went - some people even double taked at us. At first I thought maybe its not us they're looking at but then after a few days of it I realised it definitley was us. One lady even sat through an entire dinner gawking at us as if we had 6 heads. My boyfriend naturally got annoyed at this and as a result he will not go back to Mayo and we think that it was awful. We tried not to let it ruin our holiday but people made it so obvious it was very off putting.

op, thats natural in every "island mentality" (thanks to my canadian-german friend who introduced this term to me) place you go to.. take it easy and just ignore such looks - and preserve your right to reply to any ignorant say any word to you about your relation..

cheers for being cultural and dating a "foreigner"

brighteyess

you're both so right - you've cheered me no end thanks for the posts :):)

Neyite

I am from Mayo, and find it sad that you encountered a few idiots on your stay and it has now tainted your view of the place.

I dont know where you stayed, but my home town in Mayo has lots of mixed race couples and they co-exist quite happily with the rest of the town. I can honestly say that you would get zero looks in the places I hang out.

Like other posters here have said, dont mind them - they are the ones with the narrow view point and must lead very sad lives. Ignore them.

verlona12

I find a lot of people are still getting used to having certain amounts of different races here, not only having irish mix with them. Good on you for looking past others and putting your happiness first. If people stare let them, they need to be introduced to the new era.
Good luck in your future endeavors!

WindSock

Interesting that you are tarring an entire county with the one brush...
How can you even be sure that the people looking at you were even from Mayo and not tourists themselves?

55

WindSock wrote: »

Interesting that you are tarring an entire county with the one brush...
How can you even be sure that the people looking at you were even from Mayo and not tourists themselves?

I came to ireland in 2004, and in less than 2 years, I could figure out majority of locals from their looks/dress and with the one I mistaken, I always figured them out from their accent.. what if the op is 100% irish born and bred?

WindSock

55 wrote: »

I came to ireland in 2004, and in less than 2 years, I could figure out majority of locals from their looks/dress and with the one I mistaken, I always figured them out from their accent.. what if the op is 100% irish born and bred?

Sorry, not sure what your point is. Are you saying because the op is Irish, it is right to assume the people staring at her are local mayoegians?
Even if that is the case, it is kinda dumb to say, 'oh mayo people are so backwards and small town, let's avoid that county in the future and all its people'

Do you think they would have been received very differently in Roscommon or Sligo?

Wompa1

Going against the grain but they didn't say anything to you, are you sure they were looking at you in that way? Or are you like an old poster who had some assumptions about how the locals were before going there e.g. old minded etc. So maybe you misinterpreted everything?, in Mayo and Clifden it's pretty common to make eye contact with the people walking past. I grew up in Mayo and then moved to Galway City a few years ago..it was a bit of an adjustment because you don't make eye contact here or give a nod of the head

55

WindSock wrote: »

Sorry, not sure what your point is. Are you saying because the op is Irish, it is right to assume the people staring at her are local mayoegians?
Even if that is the case, it is kinda dumb to say, 'oh mayo people are so backwards and small town, let's avoid that county in the future and all its people'

Do you think they would have been received very differently in Roscommon or Sligo?

you didnt get what I mean.. I meant that its extremely easy to recognise ppl and determine whether they are tourists or locals, especially if you are a local (which i said shes 1005 irish).

I dont think anybody on this thread said that mayo ppl are whatever.. nobody has a reason to generalise.. you are conveying between the lines.

prinz

brighteyess wrote: »

One lady even sat through an entire dinner gawking at us as if we had 6 heads..

The next time this happens one of go to her table or better yet just ask her loudly if there is something you can help her with..

Try not to let it bother you. It's unfortunate that it would put your fella off Mayo as it's only when mixed race/whatever relationships become commonplace that muppets like that are changed/silenced. By avoiding it you aren't really going to change it. Let them stare, and hold ye're heads up high (I know this is easier said than done) but it needs to be done. My wife is foreign and while we haven't gotten the same kind of reaction you have we have experienced some of the same kind of nonsense.. people sometimes mistook her for being Eastern European and she got some stick for being an immigrant etc. (She has pretended to be Polish a few times just to annoy people some more).. I think it's a cultural thing, Irish people often tend to shy away from confrontation or making a scene, but in instances like you described making a scene may be the best remedy.

WindSock

55 wrote: »

you didnt get what I mean.. I meant that its extremely easy to recognise ppl and determine whether they are tourists or locals, especially if you are a local (which i said shes 1005 irish).

I dont think anybody on this thread said that mayo ppl are whatever.. nobody has a reason to generalise.. you are conveying between the lines.

No, I got what you meant with the tourists / locals...

The op said they will not be returning to mayo because of this. What else could that mean? That is a generalisation that people in mayo are a certain way, distinct from the rest of the country.

55

WindSock wrote: »

No, I got what you meant with the tourists / locals...

The op said they will not be returning to mayo because of this. What else could that mean? That is a generalisation that people in mayo are a certain way, distinct from the rest of the country.

Thanks windsock..

Its just an angry reaction, that happens when anybody feels offended, but moments later, they just wakeup and retract what they felt/said.

This sat, i was waiting in front of the elevator, when it opened and it had 6 mid-twenties guys/girls and my question was: going down.. nobody bothered to answer, so i got into the elevator and said thanks.. to which a lady replied with blahhh (i wish i can spell the noise utter here).. I gelt very offended, and wanted to reply in much harsh way, but held my nerves until I got out of the elevator, but moments later, I was just pleased that i didnt reply because I may have offended the other guys in the elevator who has nothing to do with what 1 ignorant of them did.. to my lack of english, i would have described the situation as "galway ppl are bananas", while i really mean, some are ignorants..

55

55 wrote: »

I meant that its extremely easy to recognise ppl and determine whether they are tourists or locals, especially if you are a local (which i said shes 1005 irish).

I don't mean to offend but that's just not true. A lot of my friends get mistaken for certain nationalities which they're not. But anyway back on topic...

OP, very often the staring types can be dealt with by putting it out in the open. Staring usually has one of two main reasons behind it; either they want to make you feel out of place/ashamed or they're staring because their shocked at the sight of you. If someone stares at you, simply react by looking right at them, smiling, and giving them a wave. I've done it before and the starer usually looks quite embarrassed that you're not affected by their efforts. Don't look angry or upset, and certainly don't hang your head. Look them right in the eye and smile to show that you've no idea what they're staring at, and then wave so that they feel "outed". Or at least that's what I'd do.

C-J

I am from mayo and find it ridiculous that you say you are not returning. I forgot that we all sit around at night here talking about how much we hate foreigners!! Your views are absolutely absurd and please nobody listen, mayo is beautiful and I couldn't be prouder to be from here. Several of my cousins are married to people of various nationalities, colours and creeds & nobody pays a blind bit of notice. I think it's your own insecurities that made you believe people were staring

I am a friend

Or maybe ye are very good looking and they dont see much of that over there :D

IrishEyes19

Also grew up in Mayo, lived in galway and then cork, and have never seen that carry on to be honest, if anything you may have gotten one or two looks, but Id say it could also be in your mind and making you feel slightly uncomfortable. Not that Im saying discrimination or racial unfairness doesnt happen, but its not subject to Mayo only lol.

IrishEyes19

Wompa1 wrote: »

Going against the grain but they didn't say anything to you, are you sure they were looking at you in that way? Or are you like an old poster who had some assumptions about how the locals were before going there e.g. old minded etc. So maybe you misinterpreted everything?, in Mayo and Clifden it's pretty common to make eye contact with the people walking past. I grew up in Mayo and then moved to Galway City a few years ago..it was a bit of an adjustment because you don't make eye contact here or give a nod of the head

exactly and thats goes with moving from any local town/rural area to a city enviroment.

murreemurree

hey op, i find myself in exactly the same boat and know how you feel. i've been with my boyfriend for only the past 3 months but have fallen hard for him (in fact he is my first love) he happens to be from india also. feel free to pm me and we can discuss this in private if needs be. sometimes its easier when you know someone is going through something similar.

ive noticed stares also when i'm just having a coffee with him and it knocks him down and im worried he may give up on me over it... sad but true

racist people are the lowest kind of people. we are all human at the end of the day so i intend to get on with my life and not care what others think. it makes me sooo angry op

is your boyfriend living in ireland with you? does he have a visa? we're encountering visa problems at the moment also

Taltos

This is all about the story you tell yourselves....
If they are staring its because they are astonished at how beautiful you both look together...

The reply above about acknowledging them with a nod is spot on. Just because people look does not make them racist, merely curious. Just focus on each other and stop getting distracted.

Distorted

Has anyone actually said anything offensive to you? If not, you are being a bit precious to complain so bitterly about looking. Maybe they are admiring the pair of you for being a good looking couple. Maybe it is the type of looking that anyone new coming into a room gets. How do you think you would be treated if you went to Mauritious? I think what you are describing is about as far removed from proper racism as you can get. If you were actually complaining about an offensive remark, being turned away from somewhere or similar, I would have sympathy for you. But tbh a lot of this sounds like it is in your own head and the part that isn't is something that anyone who slightly stands out from the crowd simply absorbs during the course of the average day!

JimmyCrackCorn

brighteyess wrote: »

hey everybody

I just wanted to get some thoughts on this. Myself and my boyfriend of 2 years have recently returned from a weeks holidays in Mayo. We got a good deal in a hotel down there and we decided to go. Last year we went to clifden and really loved it (as we both like activity holidays) . He is indian mauritian and i'm irish - and some people seemed to have a major issue with this. We literally got stared at everywhere we went - some people even double taked at us. At first I thought maybe its not us they're looking at but then after a few days of it I realised it definitley was us. One lady even sat through an entire dinner gawking at us as if we had 6 heads. My boyfriend naturally got annoyed at this and as a result he will not go back to Mayo and we think that it was awful. We tried not to let it ruin our holiday but people made it so obvious it was very off putting.

I had the same when I dated an Asian lass add a few smart comments on top. Just ignore it, and if someone is obviously stareing I generally made eye contact and that stops it very quickly. It happened more in Dublin.

Some people are still living in the past, be it a form of racism or novelty its not worth the effort or worth getting upset about.

I can assure you not all of Mayo is like that nor is it a fair reflection on the people, but some parts are more isolated than others. I often bring my current affrican Irish/American girlfriend there.