A Funny Situation On My Hands...emotionally Distraught

LegacyUser

Hello everyone, I'm caught in the throes of a moral quandary (basically, I dunno what to do =[) Here is how it goes

This might seem a little obsessive, or somewhat strange (actually, it really is), but please I beg bare with me, and please help give me an idea of my options here or what to do

I have little to no self esteem. Mainly concerning my image. Thus, I resorted to creating a seperate MSN account for myself to talk to people since I get very, very lonely sometimes (have friends and a social life but rarely see them). I know this is pathetic but , the scary thing is I use different pictures on that one MSN (not gonna say who but it's someone I know in real life kinda). I know it's so deceptive and somewhat pitiful but it's something I tried once and thought would have no harm involved. Until recently.

I got chatting to a nice girl I liked and we talked a lot. However I am 20 years old, and said I was 23 to her. She is only 17. She showed a lot of interest in me and talked any chance she got. Was very flirty and open with stuff and admitted she thought I was "hot" and liked me, and wanted to make out etc. This eventually would lead to meeting up in real life of course. I then had serious pangs over what I had done. So, as a result, I added said girl onto my REAL MSN account. We talked a lot, just as much as on my other account (signed into both simultaneously), got on the same really as with my other alias, until...

I then showed her some pictures of myself, absolutely dreading her response. I was not in the same league as the alias I had assumed on the other account. She said I was "cute". I paid no heed to it but I realized ever since I showed her pics of myself she has not talked to me much lately and shows little to no interest in our conversations where as before they were a lot more vibrant. Is it a coincidence or does she just think I'm ugly and not worth time? I have lost about 30 lbs of weight and showed her some before and after pictures just for some conversation material, and she was blown away. She said I looked "really cute". I still want to lose more and now I keep obsessing over my own self worth and image, thinking I NEED to lose weight and look good so I can be with her

The hurtful part is she started saying she had to leave and would sign off, but would still be online and chatting to me on the other account, thus, blocking me. This really hurt me at first since ultimately she is chatting to the same person in both windows but chooses to block or ignore me. Is it because I look different? What did I do wrong? Of course it is.... It just feels there is little to no reward for her with me since I am not attractive and she has no intention of speaking to me as full on as on my other account/alias

I broke it to her on my other account that we could not meet up or have a relationship since she was too young and I didn't want to do it, and felt like I had given her wrong signals. Whenever she flirted I didn't really flirt back and I felt like she maybe was a bit over enthusiastic. She seemed to take it fine but when I asked her to answer honestly why she liked me, she said because she thought I was really funny, nice to talk to and cute (obviously this is probably the most important aspect). She seemed a little disappointed but I ultimately had to friend zone her, which I don't think she liked. I think the looks were the most important aspect. Any ideas? I'm really confused

My heart kind of sank since and has stayed there until now =[ She thinks I'm funny, and nice to talk to, when I use one set of pictures, but with my real face, she blanks me, blocks me on MSN and avoids me. I talk the exact same to her through both aliases, so what gives? The thing that killed me the most was the fact that I could potentially be her BF if I didn't look so ****ing ugly. I displayed qualities she really liked. But I think I honestly didn't match the looks of the alias I had created (one was HOT, got constant flirts and stuff, the other was cute (the real me), and then got blocked on MSN continuously)

Now I am losing sleep over it. I can't come to terms with what I've done. OK, the fact I assumed an alias and talked to her means little to nothing, since I think she knew I wasn't interested. It might be somewhat "disturbed" behavior but please don't judge me, I know it's weird

I keep obsessing over what would happen months down the line if I lose a lot of weight and got up to her standard. Could she ultimately be attracted to the real me? Was it my looks that made her not like "me"? Why does she keep blocking me over MSN. I'M THE SAME PERSON!!! Something, has to give, and I, for one, cannot come to a conclusion what it is, so I have to assume it's my looks. I hate myself now and have vowed to keep losing weight and one day I will look good and get with her. I'm going to make it happen since I really like her

Should I approach her about blocking me? Or should I give MSN a break and not talk for a few months. I for one will never tell her about the other alias, since I have deleted it and closed my account, thus not allowing I or anyone else to get affected by it. I'm really upset and ultimately it all points back to me and what I couldn't offer her, but my other alias could. We are both the same person so how can she liked one over the other? Please any advice is helpful, I'm really upset over this and I know it's really weird

Good day and thanks for reading

LegacyUser

Thanks for your reply but why does she block me and show no interest in me. It annoys me. I know it's not an ideal world, not judging by someone's looks would be quite noble but we are all quite shallow. Me included. Where's the middle ground between me and my alias? We're both the same person and personality. Obviously it's looks?

I'm upset, but also because she showed a lot of interest in my alias. Cudda been me COULD potentially be me? SOOOO feeling unwanted, not good enough and I totally hate myself right now. Feeling very depressed

LegacyUser

Thing that annoys me the most is that she blocks the true me. Why? What have I and my alias got that's different but our looks? :L It's the same ****ing person. I know we're all shallow but maybe I know the answer why but don't want to come to terms with it. Is it because I really am different looking? She allots more time to my alias cause of different looks? bah

Feeling so unwanted, and not good enough for her right now. Feels so terrible. Hate myself. The real blow is that she showed genuine likeness and attraction towards my alias and remarked I had a good personality, was funny etc but yet she finds the real me boring etc. There's no rational explanation for that only for different looks but. To think I could have been her bf if I looked better. It hurts

Kevin Duffy

I think you've completely lost perspective on the importance of an online relationship and you could probably do with concentrating on getting some more going on in your life.
I also think that since you start out by deceiving this girl, you should probably prepare for it never becoming a healthy relationship.

LegacyUser

She's so young. Maybe in a few years she'll come to think as much of.personality as looks, or even more. As for now she's made her feelings clear enough I think.

You were deceptive and put yourself in this position. Accept that she has no interest in a romantic relationship because she is not attracted to you physically and just move on.

Kevin Duffy

azmaR wrote: »

Thing that annoys me the most is that she blocks the true me. Why? What have I and my alias got that's different but our looks? :L It's the same ****ing person. I know we're all shallow but maybe I know the answer why but don't want to come to terms with it. Is it because I really am different looking? She allots more time to my alias cause of different looks? bah

Feeling so unwanted, and not good enough for her right now. Feels so terrible. Hate myself. The real blow is that she showed genuine likeness and attraction towards my alias and remarked I had a good personality, was funny etc but yet she finds the real me boring etc. There's no rational explanation for that only for different looks but. To think I could have been her bf if I looked better. It hurts

I'd say there's a perfectly rational explanation - as your alias, you're more confident, which makes you funnier and more interesting; as yourself, the lack of confidence starts to show through and becomes offputting.

You're blaming this girl for a lot, when the origin of the problem lies in your behaviour. Start with how you see yourself and behave, address that first.

Wompa1

I call it the Dane Cook effect. The guy isn't funny at all yet he's a star. Because women will go to his standup and pay into watch his horrible comedies because of his looks. George Clooney has the personality of a dish rag but you'll be told what a great guy he is. It's not just a female thing either, men are completely shallow too but just seem more honest and open about it.

Have you ever chatted to a girl online and then saw she was fat and lost interest? I don't use the web for dating or meeting people but if I did I'd be very selective over who I pick. The only advantage to online is you have a large pool to pick from.

Sorry you got hurt

I am a friend

She is running for the hills because you lied to her from day 1... I dont blame her to be honest. Its best ot be open about who you are alway.s

LegacyUser

@I am a friend She doesn't know I have an alias account. She doesn't know we're both the same person. As I said I deleted it and have forgotten about it, she'll never know tbh

And I think I've come to terms with it. Thanks for your replies. It sucks but c'est la vie I guess

stamfordbridge

Cut your losses, OP.

How is this a "funny situation"? It's deciving and creepy. Why not have some more self respect?

You have to face that, we are all wired a certain way. We are attracted to a certain type, and if you don't fit the bill for someone else, so be it. Surely you would admit that certain other people wouldn't be your cup of tea? Would you, in all honesty, be willing to speak to someone you fancied more than someone you didn't fancy? Of course you would.

I say "cut your losses", because you really have a chance to put this immature behaviour behind you. You seem like a smart guy with a lot to offer. For sure, improve your physical fitness if you feel it's neccessary. But start with cutting out the bulls**t too.

You have a few options, you can continue with this facade in some ways or you can forget it and move on. Who knows, this lady could be attainable in a while, you just gotta get stuff right between you and yourself first.

stamfordbridge

Just saw this same prob on a diff thread. This isn't a troll is it? Boo. I'm off.

gargleblaster

stamfordbridge wrote: »

Cut your losses, OP.

How is this a "funny situation"? It's deciving and creepy. Why not have some more self respect?

You have to face that, we are all wired a certain way. We are attracted to a certain type, and if you don't fit the bill for someone else, so be it. Surely you would admit that certain other people wouldn't be your cup of tea? Would you, in all honesty, be willing to speak to someone you fancied more than someone you didn't fancy? Of course you would.

I say "cut your losses", because you really have a chance to put this immature behaviour behind you. You seem like a smart guy with a lot to offer. For sure, improve your physical fitness if you feel it's neccessary. But start with cutting out the bulls**t too.

That's pretty much all there is to it.

It's not about your real self being boring and the lie being charming. It's looks. Some of us are innately able to connect with people on a deeper level. Some of us only reach that later in life (she is still very young). Some of us never get there. It has nothing to do with your worthiness as a person, so stop the self hate now. She's just not attracted to you, she still likes you as a person. Not every girl is going to want to flirt with you just because you're charming. Most people like to be physically attracted to someone, and she's not getting that from you.

She obviously likes you as a friend. Apparently that's not enough for you, and now it seems you've built up some resentment toward her because she just isn't attracted to you. If you can't just accept that she doesn't see you as a potential romantic partner then you might need to just move on.

LegacyUser

Hey, I posted the same thread earlier and it never got approved for a while so I posted it again, so sorry about that. It's not a troll

I've come to terms with everything now and thanks for the replies. Just going to forget about it and focus on my own self for now. Close thread?

Otis Driftwood

Thread closed at OP's request.