in very a bad place..... unsure

Adamantium

Hi , 20 year old guy here,this is a long story and i'm so unsure,depressed about my future and i'm going through agony at the moment, if theres a hell, it ain't much worse than this

Completed leaving cert in 2008, did science in nuig, dropped in january 2009 and went through plenty of research to make sure i

October 2009: in college studying commerce, having the time of my life FINALLY after so much uncertainity before that,

i genuniely could not have been happier, i was loving every moment and felt blessed my parents had given me a 2nd chance, great housemates, friends, a loving family, i'd finally come into my own after secondary school

everything was in place and then i work on morning with a feeling in my lefteye as if a contacts lenses was out of place

went to doctor after doctor, opthmalogist prescribed drops couldn't find anything wrong, eye feels if it has pressure, HEADACHE,dry pain, disorientated, i'm always in pain, groogy can't hold a conversation because of it, can't wear lenses in that eye, one said it was all psychological, and i felt like hitting him

i used to be so bubbly and outgoing and this has totally stripped me of all energy, social life is gone to hell, people say"ah sure its just a headache" :mad:

I'm failing exams cos i can't focus and study for them(august repeats) when i know i've the ABILITY to learn but amn't able and i want to repeat the years in

I should be in america on a J1, NOT VISITING private DOCTORS , they found a scar on the eye but one doctor says its impossible to operate on and you'll just have to live with it, another says theres some hope but i'm sckeptical

I feel the world just flying by people complain about the tiniest of problems, well i just think "jesus u have it so so easy, would you like chronic pain and see how you live with it?"

when i look at the famine in somalia, i think "wow, finally they're reporting real problems" you know?

Its made me doubt everything, god, life, society , the whole damn lot, i've pretty lost my faith in god


I've so much to give the world and this problem is absolutely holding me back and i'm afraid i'll be some old man regreting life's missed oppurtunities

Thank god i've supportive parents but i'm sure they're getting sick of my constant self loathing too and constant bills to consultants

Its not that i don't want too help myself, its just i can't!!! :mad::mad: I can't make progress no matter what i do!

should i go repeat the year on medical grounds(i'll certain to fail august repeats) or take a year out (untill i'm well again), and/or go volunteering/ abroad one of my great loves is helping other people, i'd love to help somebody else


i know that was scattered but so is my head

Adamantium

anybody have any thoughts?

55

take it easy man.. there are ppl around the world with chronic illness, and some with terminal ones.. the good part, there are many of them still positive and moved on and just try to avoid their sickness..

you dont have to find it as an excuse for failing exams.. I have lost my father while in mid of my exams, yet was first on my class, as i felt I have to do something make my parents proud of me, and acknowledge them..

move on, ignore the pain, go to pain management to know how to live with it.. and eventually, it will be part of your life and you wont be bothered by it anymore..