Should I leave my girlfriend?

ber4fun

I wouldn't have written this much if I didn't want a real answer so please actually read it all.


We've been together for 5 years now and and I really loved everything about her but she isn't the same person. She is a completely different person now and it's almost like she wasn't being herself the first few years we were together then she got comfortable and secure enough in our relationship to show her true colors. She has even already let herself go physically which I wasn't expecting until after/if we were married. Looks aren't my first priority when it comes to the perfect girl but the other problem is we have absolutely nothing in common and therefore nothing to talk about most of the time so now there is no physical attraction or mental connection. She doesn't like anything I like to do,eat or listen to. And it's not that I don't like what she likes because she doesn't like anything.. I asked her about it and she really doesn't have an interest in anything or any hobbies, she would be happy working a 9-5 job every day coming home to watch tv then going to work and repeating the cycle until we are old and gray. She doesn't want to go see new places or learn new things, I've tried to get her into what I like but she just doesn't care. She won't even get on a plane to go on vacation. But of course all of this is kept a secret from me until 5 years into the relationship.

I'm very passive and she is controlling and stubborn. When I listen to the rock music I like on the radio in the car she will complain and switch it to what she wants, there is only one tv and when it's something she doesn't like I have to change it or watch it in the early am when she is asleep and I'm dead tired, she thinks I should spend all my money on her and not the rest of my family yet she is allowed to waste it on unneeded expenses. I want to get a couple of tattoos but she doesn't like tattoos. I accommodate her needs but it seems like my opinion doesn't matter on anything. We were both young when we met and I didn't think to consider any of these things because people are always saying opposites attract so I just believed it, she was cute and I was single and we are both honest. It's not her fault or mine, her parents didn't allow her to have any interests or do anything but now that she is an adult with her own free will she doesn't want to use it.

I'm not going to be in my twenties forever and I don't want to waste time on something that isn't going to work. It's much harder to find someone to be with when you get older so it's better to end it now than wait until after I'm 30 imo. I think she is only staying with me because she is insecure (even though I tell her she looks great all the time) about her appearance now and she is afraid of being alone. And before you say I shouldn't care about her weight because I love her, there is no mental or emotional connection to fall back on now because her personality is totally different then when we met. The physical attraction wouldn't matter so much if we had at least ONE thing in common. I'm sorry but wanting to watch Family Guy together occasionally isn't enough to keep a relationship going for 50 years. I didn't mind so much before but it's getting more and more difficult not to want to be with other people especially when I have friends that are attractive and share a ton of common interests with me, want to go places, meet people, and live life to the fullest, who also seem way less controlling.

Tefral

I think you know the answer already. Sounds like its already over for you. Id go, lifes too short!

I did the same thing a few years back, same rut as you, I havent looked back since.

LegacyUser

I spent 2 years in a relationship like that in my 20s. HAd to get out of it for my own sanity and happiness.

My folks have nothing in common and it has caused my dad stress throughout the years. He would love to travel, she won't go anywhere. He's sociable, she's not, so it's an effort to get her to go to parties.

They get on better now than before but they were never that suited.

If your gf isn't open to change or has no interests, she never will.

Wompa1

Agree with the above, you know what you want.

I was with a girl who was a little heavy too, didn't bother me until that mental connection and attraction to her personality faded that the physical attraction was a problem.

I tried to stick it out but once there's no redeeming qualities of the persons personality you are kind of screwed.

LegacyUser

As the above posters say, go! The longer you leave it the harder it will be to leave. IMO opposites do NOT attract, couples need to have some common interests to bind them together. Also she does not appear to want to make an effort to do things with you so why should you keep trying?
Life is definately too short, best of luck!!

ManOfMystery

It sounds like you're both very incompatible OP.

Sometimes people just aren't meant to be together, and if you're feeling like this now after a few years then it will only get worse down the line.

I'd imagine she's actually feeling something similar (or at least recognising it), but given her passive nature is content to let things go on forever as they are.

Sonics2k

I had a long think about this before posting, and I have to agree with the posters above.

I myself was in a relationship just like yours. We weren't in love, and had very very little in common with each other. I've always been an outdoor's person, and like going out with friends, whilst she was content to spend all night sitting around at home.

We eventually broke up, and despite issues about our children and whatnot, we've both ended up in much better places and much happier with our own lives, it's even worked out better for our kids really.

I think you know what needs to be done OP, and it will hurt, but as you said, there's nothing really between you and your partner.

Best of luck.

Distorted

You don't need any more reasons to end it OP. You're not married - but imagine if you continued it and you got married, or both your families were expecting you to. Thats the next step if you don't end it.

Statistics always show that people with common interests have more successful relationships. Although for some reason a lot of guys seem to like women like you describe your girlfriend as being - its almost as if they feel threatened by a girlfriend who has hobbies or is too attractive. Good for you that you're looking for something more. I have to say I think more of guys who have accomplished girlfriends rather than big lazy blobs. Though I have to say I'm with her on the hatred of tattoos and rock music!

Imagine being with a girl who was physically more attractive and shared the same interests as you - does that not provide your answer as to whether you should break up or not?

Moomoo1

wow. So is there anything about her that you like?

I don't really think that her personality changed all that much, you cannot pretend to be someone else for years either, but most likely your perception has.

premierlass

Moomoo1 wrote: »

wow. So is there anything about her that you like?

I don't really think that her personality changed all that much, you cannot pretend to be someone else for years either, but most likely your perception has.

Yes, the question here seems to be: "I think it's time to trade up, please validate me. (P.S., just in case you start feeling indignant, my girlfriend is ugly, ignorant, a slob and a sponger.)"

Basically, you want something better, but you don't want to feel bad about it. Well the good news is, you'll probably be doing her a favour too.