Friday Funnies

MonkieSocks

While walking through the Local Park a man came up to another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree.

Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?

"I’m listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied.

"You gotta be kiddin" me."

"No, would you like to give it a try?"

Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK..." So he wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it.

With this the other guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewellery, car keys, then stripped him naked and left.

Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked,

"What the hell happened to you?"

He told the guy the whole story about how he got there.

When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him behind the ear and said....



"This just isn’t gonna be your day......"

____________________________________

David Copperfield has just finished his magic show.

He decides to ask the audience if they have any tricks they would like to share.

Nobody puts their hand up except one man.

David beckons him on to the stage and tells him to perform his trick.

The man says "For this trick David I will require the assistance of the lovely Claudia Schiffer who I see is here tonight and I will also need a table."

He walks Claudia Schiffer over to the table and bends her over it.

He then proceeds to lift up her skirt, pull down her knickers and takes her from behind.

David Copperfield is horrified and says "That’s not a trick!!", to which the man replies,

"Maybe not for you but for me it’s fookin magic."

____________________________________

An Irishman looking for a job as a lumberjack attends an interview were he is asked questions to qualify for the job.

The interviewer had a dislike for the Irish and asked him all the hard questions to try and put him off, but the Irishman answered every question flawlessly.

So the interviewer thought I’ll get you with this question you smug basterd.

He asked the Irishman to follow him outside and he pointed at a tree and asked him,

Where is the front of that tree?

The Irishman replies... that’s the front right there!

How do you know that said the interviewer?




Coz I did a sh1te behind it before I came in.

shawnee

good ones

MonkieSocks

MonkieSocks wrote: »

While walking through the Local Park a man came up to another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree.

Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?

"I’m listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied.

"You gotta be kiddin" me."

"No, would you like to give it a try?"

Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK..." So he wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it.

With this the other guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewellery, car keys, then stripped him naked and left.

Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked,

"What the hell happened to you?"

He told the guy the whole story about how he got there.

When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him behind the ear and said....



"This just isn’t gonna be your day......"

____________________________________
.

That one reminds me of a scene from a Very Funny Movie called "The Choirboys" 1977

Sparks43

Daffy Duck calls the hotel desk & asks for a condom. They ask "Shall we put it on your bill?" He says "Are u thucking thupid?! I'll thuffocate!"