What Is She Playing At?

Rahl

I have been dating a girl for just over month, well dating mightn't be the best word when you read on. For the first two weeks or so it was great, she was all flirty text wise and that, we even had two dates in the space of a week. She told me she hadn't been this serious about a fella in a long time, that I make her feel good, etc.

Thing is, since then, we haven't met in a month even though we're only a half hour away from each other. Granted, we both had to cancel a potential third date at different times. But lately she's been avoiding talk of a meet up.

At this stage I'm wondering whats going on. I text her asking was she still into it, that if she wasn't it was grand, etc. She said she is and not to be asking such stupid questions, but still no effort on her end to meet up the last few weeks. Lately we have been doing nothing but fighting over text. I asked her the other night when are we gonna meet again and all I got was "dunno babe" She apparently has a constantly changing work rota. But the last two Mondays she was off completely hungover!

Now in any normal situation I'd wouldn't bother contacting the girl again. But she is the one that instigates contact most days especially over the last few troublesome weeks! She has got very slow about replying too which is happening more often, sometimes up to four and five hours, which is so different to what she was like first. I'd often be waiting on a reply and see her on FB hours later, I mean I wouldn't mind this in general, but most of the time?

Lately when I bring up about meeting it turns into a big row, her accusing me of getting thick all the time. As in I ask when are you off, she doesn't know, I ask surely can we meet for an hour or two md-week and I'm accused of being angry. I'm never angry though, I've shown the texts to female friends and they say there is no way anyone with cop on would think I was angry, that she's looking for a fight. I mean surely there's nothing wrong with wanting to see her after a month!

I tell her we need to meet in person to sort it out cause texting is dodgy and it will only lead to more rows, I'm accused of being thick again. In the course of the row the other night she said she'd be happy to meet in the evenings but I never ask. I said to her a week previous I'd be happy to meet any evening once she was finished work, just text me. She ignored it and never mentioned it again. I asked her Tuesday night could we meet up on Wednesday evening, she never replies to it. She then texts on Wednesday evening going on about why I deleted her from FB (I hadn't) and I ask her again about meeting that evening and she never replies again.

So, I FB her late last night and said I take it she doesn't want to meet again. She tells me "didn't text back cause I have the ****s of rowing over retarded ****" I try explaining I'm not looking for a row and that and she logs off! I got sick of it and left a message saying if you actually wanna meet and sort this, text me sometime, otherwise don't text me again. She texts early today "hi how you? x" I reply with general chit chat and still haven't heard from her.

I've had female friends say she either isn't into me or has someone else lined up and is trying to get me to be the one to end it, so she doesn't look bad as we live and go out in the same smallish area. But why the hell bother texting me today so when I gave her a way out and keep initiating texting?

Sorry for the essay but my head is wrecked Surely I'm right to be annoyed at this carry on?

Rahl

I forgot to add. I said to her two weeks ago how we need to meet up otherwise it will go stale, all she answers is "so your not interested" I said I was and was she, she says yes and we carry on for a another two weeks of just texting.

I mentioned the other night that I didn't see this going anywhere when we aren't seeing each other. She asks if I wanna call it a day so. I said it's up to her, she says she doesn't. Then texts a while later saying maybe we should as I seem to be thick all the time. i say grand it's up to you, just don't text back if you don't want to. She texts the next day ffs!!!

Oh and to add, we're not kids, we're early twenties which makes this childish carry on worse.

Liam Byrne

If you're not happy and it's wrecking your head, leave it. Life's short.

Otherwise make a decision to stick with it.

But do something one way or the other before you drive yourself demented.

Reesy

In my humble & ignorant opinion, she's got issues.

MissFlitworth

It sounds like she isn't really bothered about seeing you again but would like to keep you hanging on. Why are you letting someone do that to you? You can keep on texting her & accept that it'll all be on her terms as to when she talks to you or sees you or you can cut her off and find someone who won't melt your head. But if you keep on replying to her texts after telling her you aren't interested unless she wants to meet up then you're basically building a rod for your own back

Rahl

Thanks for the advice guys. I left out a major thing about her. She's only had two BF's both of whom cheated on her. She's been single for two years till she met me. It was on a dating site, except you have to be a paying member to see messages. None of us were paid up, seeing as she's local to me I found her on FB and went from there. So I dunno if she has met anyone's else off it considering the circumstances, she said I was the only one that she ever manged to talk to off it cause I found her on FB.

Regardless, I actually deleted her number last night after telling her not to contact me unless she wanted to work things out. She text today as I mentioned (maybe just testing me) and I replied, still nothing. I have once again deleted her number and will remove her off FB.

If she texts again, I'll reply saying I don't want to hear from her again and won't reply to her unless it's a text about wanting to meet up and talk. At this stage I don't care one way or another. I really liked her initially, but with her attitude and not seeing her for a month, I have become indifferent to her at this stage.

I wouldn't be her doormat, backup or ego boost, which ever she's after.

premierlass

Rahl wrote: »

Thanks for the advice guys. I left out a major thing about her. She's only had two BF's both of whom cheated on her. She's been single for two years till she met me. It was on a dating site, except you have to be a paying member to see messages. None of us were paid up, seeing as she's local to me I found her on FB and went from there. So I dunno if she has met anyone's else off it considering the circumstances, she said I was the only one that she ever manged to talk to off it cause I found her on FB.

Regardless, I actually deleted her number last night after telling her not to contact me unless she wanted to work things out. She text today as I mentioned (maybe just testing me) and I replied, still nothing. I have once again deleted her number and will remove her off FB.

If she texts again, I'll reply saying I don't want to hear from her again and won't reply to her unless it's a text about wanting to meet up and talk. At this stage I don't care one way or another. I really liked her initially, but with her attitude and not seeing her for a month, I have become indifferent to her at this stage.

I wouldn't be her doormat, backup or ego boost, which ever she's after.

I'm sure she has the message loud and clear and she won't contact you again.

KnocKnocKnock

Don't contact her again and if she texts you, reply saying you want to end this. You're already being a bit of a doormat saying "don't contact me again unless you want to meet up and sort it out". You're letting her know that you still like her and the ball is completely in her court. Don't give her so much control.

You've spent the last month pushing and pushing to meet up and she's blown you off. If she really liked you, she wouldn't do that. She likes having constant reassurance that someone wants her and she doesn't care how it affects you. Don't you want to be with a girl who cares about you and has enough self confidence to not play stupid mind games like that? If she messes you around this much when it comes to arranging a date, what is she going to be like when it comes to more serious things, or if you make her angry!

Rahl

Ok guys she text back just there and I said it to her. She replied like 20mins later saying she was gonna say we could meet Sat evening.

I haven't replied and I dunno if I'll even bother tbh considering the way she's been the last while. I know at the end of the day it's up to me and I'm not looking for anyone to tell me what I should do. But what would any of you do in my position? Does it sound like a situation I may be better out of?

premierlass

To be honest, you don't sound as if you like her very much. Go ahead if it'll give you closure, or whatever it is you're looking for.

KnocKnocKnock

Rahl wrote: »

Ok guys she text back just there and I said it to her. She replied like 20mins later saying she was gonna say we could meet Sat evening.

I haven't replied and I dunno if I'll even bother tbh considering the way she's been the last while. I know at the end of the day it's up to me and I'm not looking for anyone to tell me what I should do. But what would any of you do in my position? Does it sound like a situation I may be better out of?

She senses you backing away and is trying to hold onto her ego boost. If you agree and continue texting as you have been, what's the bets something will suddenly come up closer to the time and she'll cancel? I'd definitely cut my losses if I was in your situation. I would just answer saying you don't think you would suit each other but you enjoyed the two dates you had with her - I'd end it on a positive note.

Can I just say though.. from reading your post, maybe you scared her off a little. Perhaps you were just enthusiastic because you clicked with her so well, but your behaviour afterwards did come across to me as a bit intense. After two dates in one week, you pushed for a month to meet up even though she never showed any interest in this and kept blowing you off (but enjoyed hearing how you wanted to meet her again). Also, saying you "have to meet in person and sort this out" is usually reserved for a fairly serious problem in a more established relationship, it's a little extreme to talk like that when it comes to problems arranging a third date. Anyway, I'd just let this girl go, it shouldn't be so headwrecking at this stage.

premierlass

Rahl wrote: »

Ok guys she text back just there and I said it to her. She replied like 20mins later saying she was gonna say we could meet Sat evening.

I haven't replied and I dunno if I'll even bother tbh considering the way she's been the last while. I know at the end of the day it's up to me and I'm not looking for anyone to tell me what I should do. But what would any of you do in my position? Does it sound like a situation I may be better out of?

It depends on what you want out of it. You wanted an explanation and she agreed to meet up. It mightn't be a bad idea. You can always cut it short if it doesn't go well.

Chinafoot

Rahl, can you just clarify something for me? You said you've been dating for just over a month, that you had two dates in one week but you haven't seen her in a month. Are those two dates the only time you've met up with this girl?

emmabee

She sounds like a female player who isnt into you enough to have you as her only option. I wouldnt say theres any point contunuing with it - she doesnt deserve a decent bloke. She's using the tactic of keeping her self esteem ticking over with your inflow of obvious interest. Women will want to see you if they are into you... thats that!

Wompa1

Sounds like a lot of work. I don't condone cheating but maybe the guys cheated on her for a reason!...no reason is valid of course but she sounds like a f'in nightmare. Steer well clear of her.

curlzy

Rahl wrote: »

Ok guys she text back just there and I said it to her. She replied like 20mins later saying she was gonna say we could meet Sat evening.

I haven't replied and I dunno if I'll even bother tbh considering the way she's been the last while. I know at the end of the day it's up to me and I'm not looking for anyone to tell me what I should do. But what would any of you do in my position? Does it sound like a situation I may be better out of?

What would I do in your position? RUN, and delete her from my life, facebook, phone number, as friends on any sites. Just leggit, the girl is mental and she will continue wrecking your head if you have anything to do with her. She doesn't text or reply then gets thick if you ask what's happening? I wouldn't go out with a guy like that even if the guy was a mixture of Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt with both their bank balances. She has issues, boring issues, that she's not taking care of, she sounds like she's addicted to drama, why bother with someone like that?

premierlass

Well, no one should have to stand for someone cursing at them, that's for sure.

LegacyUser

She's making something that should be very easy and enjoyable into something that is very difficult and annoying. Steer well clear of her (and anyone else who likes to make things difficult). It's a rule I personally live by, and it serves me well.

Rahl

KnocKnocKnock wrote: »

Can I just say though.. from reading your post, maybe you scared her off a little. Perhaps you were just enthusiastic because you clicked with her so well, but your behaviour afterwards did come across to me as a bit intense. After two dates in one week, you pushed for a month to meet up even though she never showed any interest in this and kept blowing you off (but enjoyed hearing how you wanted to meet her again). Also, saying you "have to meet in person and sort this out" is usually reserved for a fairly serious problem in a more established relationship, it's a little extreme to talk like that when it comes to problems arranging a third date. Anyway, I'd just let this girl go, it shouldn't be so headwrecking at this stage.

Sorry, I wasn't pushing for the third date. At the end of the second one we actually arranged a mid week afternoon third date for a few days later. She had to cancel cause she said she had to work. Then a few days after she suggested meeting on a Sat afternoon when she finished early, to which I agreed. She then text to say she'd be late and we couldn't meet till the evening. I had a 21st to attend later that night, so she said go and we could do it another night, never happened. Then a month of saying she wanted to meet, but avoiding talk of arranging one.

Also sorry, I never said to her "we have to meet up" I meant I said after a few days of fighting it would be best to just meet and talk in person seeing as all we were managing were rows over text, which to me sounds sensible.

@Chinafoot: Yes the two dates were the only time we met, but at the end of the second we had said we were dating. We had even agreed not to see anyone else while we were seeing where things were going, apparently nowhere.

Anyway, after she text about meeting up last night, she text again 20mins later seeing as I hadn't replied straight away (amusing considering her own attitude to replying), "fine so dont bother. Wont text u again. This is just gone stupid"

I am a friend

Why have you never picked up the phone to talk to her????

How can you be arguing before you are even an item? :eek: I think drop it. Ye both sound like messers

Kiera

You sound like you love the drama as much as her, OP. I dont think you two would be a good match at all.

Rahl

I am a friend wrote: »

Why have you never picked up the phone to talk to her????

How can you be arguing before you are even an item? :eek: I think drop it. Ye both sound like messers

Kiera wrote: »

You sound like you love the drama as much as her, OP. I dont think you two would be a good match at all.

She said it's too early to talk on the phone

How am I a messer? Genuinely if there's something I'm doing wrong please point it out so I wont repeat it in future.

The only reason we were fighting is I asked is when could we meet (after a month of just texting like, even though she said she wanted to still see each other) all I got of her on different occasions was a simple "dunno" or have my question ignored, but reply with random chit chat but nothing in relation to meeting and then be accused of getting thick for asking to meet in the first place?

Kiera

You are fighting after 2 dates? You dont think that that is drama? If someone started getting shirty with me after 2 dates i'd be gone in a flash.

Rahl

Kiera wrote: »

You are fighting after 2 dates? You dont think that that is drama? If someone started getting shirty with me after 2 dates i'd be gone in a flash.

Oh my apologies I took you up wrong there, I get your point and agree, I should have left it once all the drama began.

fallen01angel

Kiera wrote: »

You are fighting after 2 dates? You dont think that that is drama? If someone started getting shirty with me after 2 dates i'd be gone in a flash.

^^ 2 dates and this is the result.....the early dating part of any relationship is supposed to be fun part....which seems to be the complete opposite of what you're having-all ye are having is text fights.Cut your losses and should she contact you in any form,delete delete delete.....

Distorted

She's messing you about. I would suspect its because she wants you as a kind of back up, for security, while she tries to meet someone else, and for the attention, but if she wanted to see you, she would. End of.

As to why she is doing this, who knows. Maybe she is an attention seeker, manipulative, maybe there is something known to her and not us and which is not obvious to you either, maybe she is just a nutter. There are plenty of them about.

Honestly OP, with someone who carries on like this, I have a three strikes and you're out policy. Out means no more contact, no replies to texts, nothing. No big arguement, polite hello if you happen to see them out and then walk on.

iCosmopolis

+1
Possibly stringing you along as she's weighing up her options or indeed sounds like she may be seeing someone else on and off too

Firetrap

Ask yourself do you really think things are going to get any better? There are people out there who will happily text til the cows come home and create all sorts of drama over nothing in particular. She's getting some sort of kick out of blowing hot and cold, safe in the knowledge that you like her and that she can string you along.

KnocKnocKnock

Rahl wrote: »

Then a month of saying she wanted to meet, but avoiding talk of arranging one.

This is what I mean by pushing, you were saying things like "let's meet Saturday" or "tell me what evenings you're free next week" and she was being completley non committal - for a month! I think if someone arranges something and then cancels it or says "they don't know" more than two consecutive times, they're not interested. If you keep offering to meet up after this, you're just feeding their ego.

Rahl wrote: »

Also sorry, I never said to her "we have to meet up" I meant I said after a few days of fighting it would be best to just meet and talk in person seeing as all we were managing were rows over text, which to me sounds sensible.

Yeah usually it would be sensible but in the context of what was happening I don't think it was a good idea. She had already stalled numerous attempts to meet up. If she's not going to meet for a date which is supposed to be fun, why would she meet for a "talk" which will probably be anything but. You also have to ask yourself if it's worth meeting someone again when you're fighting so much after two dates. Anyway, she seems to have agreed to end it and I think you're well shot.

tan11ie

Is she really worth the bother!!! She sounds messed up if you ask me.....move on ...delete her number and thank your lucky stars.

Rahl

Thank you everyone for the replies.

Haven't heard from her since the other night (thankfully) and hopefully it's onwards and upwards from here