Wednesday Funnies

MonkieSocks

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a case of lager, any kind except Fosters.

The bartender says, "What’s wrong with Fosters, don’t you like it?"

The man says, "I hate that ****. Last night I drank a case of Fosters and blew chunks.

The bartender says, "You drink a case of any lager, you’re going to blow chunks".

"You don’t understand" said the man, "Chunks is my dog."

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A city slicker shoots a duck out in the country.

As he's retrieving it, a farmer walks up and stops him, claiming that since the duck is on his farm, it technically belongs to him.

After minutes of arguing, the farmer proposes they settle the matter "country style."

"What's country style?" asks the city boy.

"Out here in the country," the farmer says, "when two fellers have a dispute, one feller kicks the other one in the balls as hard as he can.

Then that feller, why, he kicks the first one as hard as he can.

And so forth. Last man standin' wins the dispute."

Warily the city boy agrees and prepares himself.

The farmer hauls off and kicks him in the nuts with all his might.

The city boy falls to the ground in the most intense pain he's ever felt, crying like a baby and rolling around on the ground.

Finally he staggers to his feet and says, "All right, n-now it's–it's m-my turn."

The farmer grins. "Forget it, you win. Keep the fookin duck." !

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An asylum seeker gets off a Plane in Dublin and walks through the Airport and finds a lamp.

A genie grants him three wishes.

I would like a lovely house. Bam, he has a 12 bedroom house, big enough to house his family.

Next he asks for a car, pow there he sees an Mercedes in the drive.

For his third wish he says he would like to be a real Irishman.

Pow the house and car disappear.

What the fook he says.

You're an Irishman now, you're entitled to fook all.....!!