I'm slowly going insane!!!

LegacyUser

As the title says, I’m slowly going insane!!

Just over two years ago I met a I guy and ended up having a LDR with him for about 10/11 months. I fell totally in love with him, more than I ever thought was possible. After the 10 months he became depressed and had a few other issues but mainly the depression, he eventually convinced me to that it was best if we ended it.

Every six-eight weeks for about six months he would get back in contact (not that we totally ignored eachother in between, I loved him and he loved me, I wasn't just going to give up cause he had depression), tell me how much he loved me, missed me, was sorry for what he put me though and then after about a month he would drift off again. It wasn’t that the depression disappeared and came back but he was working through it and getting help. Just after Christmas he decided that he was better off being single, that an LDR when he had kids he couldn’t leave was too difficult.

I thought at this stage I would be at least starting to get over it, but I’m not, not even close. I’ve been through breaks-ups before; I know the deal of not moping around, getting out, taking your mind off but it hasn’t worked. I’ve been back to college, joined a local sports team, read, meet friends. None of it makes a difference.

I feel exactly about him as I did the last time I saw him, I miss him every day. He is still the first and last think I think about. I have spent most of the last year or more feeling sick, I do eat but its because I have to not because I want to. I didn’t get depressed when it all went wrong initially, went to the doctor, went to a counsellor My whole life has become about moving to where he is, I feel if I don’t I will regret not trying for the rest of my life. But that is seriously difficult.

I have stopped talking to my friends about it as they must be sick of it. One of my friends said to me recently “I thought you’d be over it by now, it wasn’t a real relationship anyway”, I had stern words with her over the last bit. I’ve booked a holiday for a week in the sun, normally I’d be really excited, my first thought was, I can’t believe I’m booking something without him, and I couldn’t care less if I go or not.

I know how this all sounds, pretty sad and pathetic

As I said I’m slowly going insane thinking about it nearly 24/7. I don’t know how to stop it, I just don’t know what to do this time

Miss Fluff

Are you still in contact with him? Does he still contact you?

LegacyUser

We were for a while after Christmas but not for the last few months.

Miss Fluff

GoingInsane wrote: »

My whole life has become about moving to where he is, I feel if I don’t I will regret not trying for the rest of my life. But that is seriously difficult.

If you're talking about moving to where he is then is sounds like you simply have not accepted in your own head that it is actually over. You can't possibly begin to move on when you still harbour hopes of getting back together. You're only fooling yourself. Seems like you have been hoping that he would again, true to form, pick up the phone again saying it's all going to be fine. Except he hasn't this time The moment that you accept that this is it and that you can't be together, then you can start healing.

LegacyUser

Perhaps I'm reading this incorrectly, but did you ever actually meet this guy?

The way it's written, I get the impression that maybe this was an entirely online relationship.

The fact that he was able to disappear for weeks/months at a time and all, did you ever go to his country, meet his friends/family?

Either way, I think it's deeply unhealthy that you have moving to where he lives in your head. Again, it may just be my reading of the situation, but do you actually know that he wasn't married and living with his wife and children? If this was a web-based relationship then your friend is right, it was never a real relationship, the relationship was all taking place in your mind and perhaps talking this over with a counsellor is your best bet.

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote: »

If you're talking about moving to where he is then is sounds like you simply have not accepted in your own head that it is actually over.

Yes you are right, and I know this but unfortunately for me it's the "simple" part of accepting that is the problem. I do know in my head that it's over, and my head has spent alot of time trying to explain to my heart and my gut that it is over.

I would be quite a logical person even when it comes to relationships and logically every single thing points to the fact that it is over but no matter how much I try to convince myself, talk, give out, read all about the healing process there is always something there that won't let me give in.

I've always been stubborn but even I know that this it just beyond ridiculous.

I do appreciate your feedback :-)

Wompa1

GoingInsane wrote: »

As I said I’m slowly going insane thinking about it nearly 24/7. I don’t know how to stop it, I just don’t know what to do this time

Hey OP,

I feel kind of like you. My relationship ended months ago and I haven't been on contact with that ex in over 4 months. I think about her every morning I wake up, pretty much all day and all night....it's awful, it's by far the worst break up I've been through. I've been in love before but this is different.

Sometimes I feel like you, if I don't try to make a play for it then I might regret it for the rest of my life. But it's not up to me, if she doesn't want it then why waste my time on someone who won't return your feelings. I'd love to know if there's any easier solution to getting over her though. I've tried everything, I moved into a house share again, am moving country in the new year, have a new g/f, have been more social and active, threw myself into work. Nothing is helping. I can't wait until I find a new love that I feel as strongly for and I'm really worried it will never happen.

I don't know what you are to take from this, just know that I'm in the same situation. Cutting contact is the supposed way to get over someone but it's not doing me any good and obviously not working for you. At this stage I'd nearly get in contact with her again and just hope that her sh!tty personality and selfishness helps me see her in a different light and hate her.

Maybe if you know some negatives about him that could help you too?

LegacyUser

Hi Wompa,

Thanks for your reply; what I got from it is that there are others who feel like I do so I’m not the pathetic looper that I thought I was becoming!! Phew

Unfortunately I can’t offer you any words of wisdom although for you leaving the country and starting a completely different life might help, I really hope it does cause the constant thinking is so brain draining.

As for looking at his bad points, I could write a list of them and most people after the first would run a mile, unfortunately for me, how we were together and how I feel about him outweighs them by a million percent, it would be so much easier if they didn’t.

He never treated me badly, not once or maybe his tooing and frowing was him treating me badly but if that was the worst he could do, it’s not that bad. Don’t get me wrong, he was by no means perfect and there were times I could kill him but I love him and unfortunately I can’t change any of it.

I hope things work out for and maybe one day (please let it be soon) they won’t be the first or last things we think about.

LegacyUser

dfdfsfddasf wrote: »

Perhaps I'm reading this incorrectly, but did you ever actually meet this guy?

The way it's written, I get the impression that maybe this was an entirely online relationship.

The fact that he was able to disappear for weeks/months at a time and all, did you ever go to his country, meet his friends/family?

Either way, I think it's deeply unhealthy that you have moving to where he lives in your head. Again, it may just be my reading of the situation, but do you actually know that he wasn't married and living with his wife and children? If this was a web-based relationship then your friend is right, it was never a real relationship, the relationship was all taking place in your mind and perhaps talking this over with a counsellor is your best bet.

Oh God yes I met him and his family, he firstly came to visit me and I went to visit him, I met his parents, relations, friends and work colleagues. I knew him years ago when we were kids.

We had plans for me to move there, even discussed marriage that's where the moving part initally started.

I'm not completely unrealistic, but both you and my friend are wrong it was definately a real and proper realtionship