Facebook, is it time to grow up??

poconnor16

I"ve never mistrusted my OH, but I had an oppourtunity to use his facebook last night and did. I've recently de-activated mine, as I have no use for it, and find it just used by nosey people to look at my life - they're not my real friends. My real friends call me.
Anyway, looked at his, well used his to look at some pics of a mutual friend baby. And I crossed the line and looked at his PM's. Hello! Nice little coversation between him and ex work mate. General chit chat, but very flirty. She asked about his new girlfriend (I've been on the scene 3 years), he brushed over it and continued to flirt.
This lead to me to look at his twitter - he is tweeting famous girls trying to flirt with them. This is pathetic in my eyes. I confronted him, and he realises he is being stupid and has apologised etc. But now I am left completely paranoid over this. How can I build up trust again?

I know it is only flirting, but it bothers me that he is so cloak and dagger about it. If it is a hramless conversation, then have it on your page for all to see?

How old is too old for social networking? Surely this is for the under 30's. He needs to grow up.

Right now I feel like being an un-reasonable cow and telling him to delete the stupid thing.

Alter-Ego

You're on fairly equal pegging as far as i'm concerned. He did something untrustworthy by flirting with someone online and you broke his trust by invading his privacy by reading PM's. This, to me displays either a lack of trust or a simple lack of respect on your part.

You're as bad as each other.

I don't believe there's any unwritten age limit on social networking. My Mam uses it and she's nearly 60. It's a handy way to keep in contact with people you wouldn't see much.

Maybe ask him to cut contact with the Ex-workmate if you want, as well as asking him to delete his facebook, but the latter seems unreasonable.

curlzy

poconnor16 wrote: »

I"ve never mistrusted my OH, but I had an oppourtunity to use his facebook last night and did. I've recently de-activated mine, as I have no use for it, and find it just used by nosey people to look at my life - they're not my real friends. My real friends call me.
Anyway, looked at his, well used his to look at some pics of a mutual friend baby. And I crossed the line and looked at his PM's. Hello! Nice little coversation between him and ex work mate. General chit chat, but very flirty. She asked about his new girlfriend (I've been on the scene 3 years), he brushed over it and continued to flirt.
This lead to me to look at his twitter - he is tweeting famous girls trying to flirt with them. This is pathetic in my eyes. I confronted him, and he realises he is being stupid and has apologised etc. But now I am left completely paranoid over this. How can I build up trust again?

I know it is only flirting, but it bothers me that he is so cloak and dagger about it. If it is a hramless conversation, then have it on your page for all to see?

How old is too old for social networking? Surely this is for the under 30's. He needs to grow up.

Right now I feel like being an un-reasonable cow and telling him to delete the stupid thing.

Hey OP,

I'm not going to berate you for looking at his private stuff. I think we're only human and sometimes the temptation is a too much. I've looked at my boyfriends a couple of times, luckily for me, he's above reproach. However if I had seen what you saw I would be proper pissed. Flirting, to me anyway, is ok when it's a harmless "oh you look good today" or whatever but a private email conversation flirting with an ex-colleague in which he brushes over you, well yeah not very nice really is it? The flirtation with Twitter I would find so pathetic that I'd really have to laugh. I don't know really what you should do but to he honest his behaviour is a bit distasteful, he's not exactly showing himself in a great light but he hasn't overstepped any bounds really. I'd say it's an early mid-life crisis of some kind, he's seeing if he can still attract women I'd say. So yeah I'd tell him what you saw and what you thought of it and see what he has to say and if you can work it out would be my advice.

Best of luck

7Sins

Facebook gets mentioned a lot in these relationship threads :rolleyes: It's a farce anyways, anyone that says FB is a good way of keeping in contact with people is a creep. I don't use it because I'm an A-hole and like to make things difficult for the creeps that want to stalk me I'll leave my FB rant for another thread :pac:

I think the twitter thing is funny not least the fact that a grown man uses it but to "flirt" with celebs, is frickin' funny.

As for the real issue, flirting with the colleague, define flirting? Is it just normal convo between a man and a woman that are friends? He is allowed talk to other women isn't he?

Anywhoo, you're the one that looked in his PM. Naughty. :eek:

Ickle Magoo

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I am a friend

OP the only reason you have an issue with facebook is that its the vehicle for your BF to flirt with other girls. It doenst matter what age you are while using it, its how you use it.

You sound like you are his Mammy reprimanding him for doing something bold and for being so silly... He does need to grow up but not because he is on facebook but because is is being gamey and not with his gf.....

poconnor16

What I did was wrong - no question about it, I accept that. And I have apologised to him for it. But I am only human, and I'm sure I am one of many gf/bf's that have done the same.

We've spoken, and he has admitted that he was being flirty with this chick, but meant nothing to come of it. And I believe him - I think maybe we just needed it to come out in the open. I've been on nights out and seen him chatting to girls and being flirty loads of times, doesn't bother me becuase there is no secrecy about it. There is a line of course, and he never crosses it.

I guess I think there is nothing wrong with using Facebook, so long as you use it tastefully and wisely.

My mother who is 60 also uses it - but is clueless as to privacy and the risks involved when you are not internet 'savvy'. I've tried to explain this to her but its fallen on deaf ears.

Thanks to those that were helpful, my rant is over! He and I will sit and sort this out in a mature way i.e. I wont be asking him to delete his FB....

...just interesting to see what people think about it and its affects on relationships.

Wompa1

poconnor16 wrote: »

What I did was wrong - no question about it, I accept that. And I have apologised to him for it. But I am only human, and I'm sure I am one of many gf/bf's that have done the same.

We've spoken, and he has admitted that he was being flirty with this chick, but meant nothing to come of it. And I believe him - I think maybe we just needed it to come out in the open. I've been on nights out and seen him chatting to girls and being flirty loads of times, doesn't bother me becuase there is no secrecy about it. There is a line of course, and he never crosses it.

I guess I think there is nothing wrong with using Facebook, so long as you use it tastefully and wisely.

My mother who is 60 also uses it - but is clueless as to privacy and the risks involved when you are not internet 'savvy'. I've tried to explain this to her but its fallen on deaf ears.

Thanks to those that were helpful, my rant is over! He and I will sit and sort this out in a mature way i.e. I wont be asking him to delete his FB....

...just interesting to see what people think about it and its affects on relationships.

In my last relationship my ex went abroad for a work thing. She posted pictures right away...where as she only had 2 pictures of the hundred or so we had taken of us up on FB. I also noticed that she listed herself as single after we were going out for a year and a half. In the pictures she posted she had multiple pictures with the one girl and there was something in her eyes that made me suspicious...so I questioned her on all of those FB things at once...she denied all of them and rather than change it to say she was in a relationship she just removed relationship status altogether.

Anyway, fast forward a few months I find out she had cheated on me numerous times with the girl in the picture and left me to go off with her. She was a snake and a liar and if I paid attention to her FB and stuck to my guns I could have seen it coming.

In my current relationship it's the opposite, she added me very quickly as her boyfriend on it and unfortunately (I only really use FB to stay in touch with family in America) she has over 500 friends, some of whom appear to be people I went to school with so all of a sudden I have a bunch of people I don't like trying to add me because they see me listed as her b/f

gargleblaster

This isn't about facebook, it's about flirting. I didn't see the messages so I couldn't say, but while flirting can be totally innocent, there's a line that can be crossed. By brushing you off the way he did, IMO he has crossed it. That's between you and your OH, though. Some people are comfortable with a liberal amount of this kind of thing, some with less.

Flirting in a private context (as in private messages on facebook) can be done on any forum or in many other ways. The problem isn't facebook, it's how he treats you. You treated him somewhat inconsiderately by snooping. I'd say placed on a scale, his behavior outweighs yours by several degrees. IMO of course.

Up to you to decide how to handle it. I don't trust people easily so I'd be done with him myself.

Johnny Favourite

As far as I'm concerned you completely invaded his privacy. Saying " your only human" is no excuse. From what I can tell he did nothing wrong just some harmless chat.

To be honest I think you should count yourself lucky for not been shown the door. If I were him I would have.

poconnor16

I've already accepted my mistake - I think it is up to him what an acceptable excuse is. He's accepted my apology and I've acepted his. As a previous poster mentioned, we were both to blame.
Neither of us are going to throw away three years of an excellent relationship over something like this.

The point of the thread was to see how people feel about this kind of behaviour on facebook - which you never addressed Johnny Favourite?

LegacyUser

To be honest, yes he shouldn't have flirted, but you shouldn't have invaded his prvacy. I think you are seriously insecure. You're annoyed by him trying to flirt with celebs on twitter, seriously?????? Unless your bf is a Brad Pitt look alike or minted do you really think anything is going to come out of flirting or "trying" with celebs. If that was my bf i'd probably have a giggle with it about him and tell him if he actually succeeds i'd shake his hand. You need to work on your self esteem/insecurities.

Johnny Favourite

I would consider that type of behaviour on FB as harmless.

I'm sure if your OH had the opportunity to delve into your private life he might find things that would upset him. Everybody does and says things that their partner may not be happy about but most people do not expect to be snooped on.

I am a friend

poconnor16 wrote: »

The point of the thread was to see how people feel about this kind of behaviour on facebook

That wasnt clear from your first post and i think most people wont be interested in being used as crash test dummy's in your online investigation.

poconnor16

Girlene wrote: »

To be honest, yes he shouldn't have flirted, but you shouldn't have invaded his prvacy. I think you are seriously insecure. You're annoyed by him trying to flirt with celebs on twitter, seriously?????? Unless your bf is a Brad Pitt look alike or minted do you really think anything is going to come out of flirting or "trying" with celebs. If that was my bf i'd probably have a giggle with it about him and tell him if he actually succeeds i'd shake his hand. You need to work on your self esteem/insecurities.

Read my first post - I found that to be pathetic. Let me clarify what I meant by that - I found the twitter thing to be laughable, I didn't even mention it to him

poconnor16

I am a friend wrote: »

That wasnt clear from your first post and i think most people wont be interested in being used as crash test dummy's in your online investigation.

Thanks for your opinion. Some of the other posters were interested and I found their input quiet helpful.

I've sorted this out with my other half now and we are both happy. If people want to continue to discuss this, go for it.

Thanks again all!

Morbert

poconnor16 wrote: »

find it just used by nosey people to look at my life

Anyway, looked at his

Therein lies the problem. Peek not through a keyhole, lest ye be vexed.

Johnny Favourite

Look I'm sure your a nice person.

I didn't mean to be rude.