Need some advice.

LegacyUser

Sorry for going Anon on this one, but I know some people who read this forum, and this is quite private.

To start off, I'm a 27 year old guy, separated and have 2 children who are with me for 1 weekend a month. Unfortunately I'm unemployed, but stable enough with finances in these times.

On to the story.
A few months ago, while playing an online game I won't name, I made a new friend in it, and from the start, we hit it off and got a long like a house on fire. From there we moved to talking on skype about 12+ hours a day, either typing or voice chat.
I didn't think to much about it, just new this was a great girl, who would pretty much be everything I wanted, had we lived in the same country.

During the weeks we spoke, a few of our mutual friends questioned if we had some form of online relationship, to which we both laughed off, because we didn't.

However, when the topic of a few us meeting up cropped up, this girl asked me on Skype if I'd go, if she was, to which I said yes. The meetup was planned in England. A decent half way point for us both.

A week or so later, we were talking, and I let slip just how attractive she is (and I mean mind-blowingly stunning), but she asked if I'd come to the Netherlands to see her, because she had started to think of me as more than a friend.

Now, I should say I've always had a bad view of online relationships, or even meeting someone online. I don't know anyone who it has really worked out for.

But the issue is this.
She goes from hot to cold in no time. Can say really sweet things, be really cute and kind, and then suddenly she'll back off and decide she has to go to bed straight away, and will instantly log off. I know her last relationship was pretty bad, and it had an impact on her, but most of the time we speak everything is great, and making plans for when I visit.

So now, I need your advice.
Everything in me wants to race over to see her, and see what happens.
But at the same time, I'm terrified she'll cancel at the last minute, and my money for the trip will go to waste.

Gods know how confused I am, any advice?

Wibbs

Should I go? wrote: »

Now, I should say I've always had a bad view of online relationships, or even meeting someone online. I don't know anyone who it has really worked out for.

I would know quite a few. I can think of two marriages that resulted. That's outside this website too, which is a hotbed of people hooking up There's a few Boards babies out there.

So now, I need your advice.
Everything in me wants to race over to see her, and see what happens.
But at the same time, I'm terrified she'll cancel at the last minute, and my money for the trip will go to waste.

Gods know how confused I am, any advice?

I say go. You can always get more money, but try getting back from "what if?". Worst case scenario she cancels and you have a bit of a holiday in Amsterdam, best case? the sky's the limit.

Kevin Duffy

Not sure where the "blowing hot and cold" is OP. I chat to people online, sometimes they just hit the sack and reappear the following day; fine by me, they have lives I'm not fully party to, times they need or want to do other things. Same goes for me.

It sounds like you could have a basis for meeting up and seeing if there's a reason to take things further or whatever, but maybe you're a little over-invested in a relationship which hasn't resulted in you meeting yet, plus you may not have a lot to do to fill your time and that's showing in you being a bit over-sensitive to what's happening between you.

Pandora2

Should I go? wrote: »

Sorry for going Anon on this one, but I know some people who read this forum, and this is quite private.

To start off, I'm a 27 year old guy, separated and have 2 children who are with me for 1 weekend a month. Unfortunately I'm unemployed, but stable enough with finances in these times.

On to the story.
A few months ago, while playing an online game I won't name, I made a new friend in it, and from the start, we hit it off and got a long like a house on fire. From there we moved to talking on skype about 12+ hours a day, either typing or voice chat.
I didn't think to much about it, just new this was a great girl, who would pretty much be everything I wanted, had we lived in the same country.

During the weeks we spoke, a few of our mutual friends questioned if we had some form of online relationship, to which we both laughed off, because we didn't.

However, when the topic of a few us meeting up cropped up, this girl asked me on Skype if I'd go, if she was, to which I said yes. The meetup was planned in England. A decent half way point for us both.

A week or so later, we were talking, and I let slip just how attractive she is (and I mean mind-blowingly stunning), but she asked if I'd come to the Netherlands to see her, because she had started to think of me as more than a friend.

Now, I should say I've always had a bad view of online relationships, or even meeting someone online. I don't know anyone who it has really worked out for.

But the issue is this.
She goes from hot to cold in no time. Can say really sweet things, be really cute and kind, and then suddenly she'll back off and decide she has to go to bed straight away, and will instantly log off. I know her last relationship was pretty bad, and it had an impact on her, but most of the time we speak everything is great, and making plans for when I visit.

So now, I need your advice.
Everything in me wants to race over to see her, and see what happens.
But at the same time, I'm terrified she'll cancel at the last minute, and my money for the trip will go to waste.

Gods know how confused I am, any advice?

Is it possible that she is on her computer secretly? That she is hiding her online friendship with you?? Are you staying with her in the Netherlands??

Hope I'm wrong but it truly was my first thought...Soorreee:o

LegacyUser

OP here.

Wibbs wrote: »

I would know quite a few. I can think of two marriages that resulted. That's outside this website too, which is a hotbed of people hooking up There's a few Boards babies out there.

I say go. You can always get more money, but try getting back from "what if?". Worst case scenario she cancels and you have a bit of a holiday in Amsterdam, best case? the sky's the limit.

That's what I've been thinking to. Money isn't a big issue for me, but my best friend has offered to give me the cash to book the flight over, he's really wants us to meet up.

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

Not sure where the "blowing hot and cold" is OP. I chat to people online, sometimes they just hit the sack and reappear the following day; fine by me, they have lives I'm not fully party to, times they need or want to do other things. Same goes for me.

It sounds like you could have a basis for meeting up and seeing if there's a reason to take things further or whatever, but maybe you're a little over-invested in a relationship which hasn't resulted in you meeting yet, plus you may not have a lot to do to fill your time and that's showing in you being a bit over-sensitive to what's happening between you.

By hot and cold I mean that sometimes she's very friendly, talking about things for us to do when we meet up and places to go. Then she can go silent and not want to really comment on us meeting up.
On a personal note, I've never been one to "over-invest" in a new relationship, generally preferring to let things develop as they should. If anything, I've become more defensive since my last real relationship ended a year ago.

Pandora2 wrote: »

Is it possible that she is on her computer secretly? That she is hiding her online friendship with you?? Are you staying with her in the Netherlands??

Hope I'm wrong but it truly was my first thought...Soorreee:o

She may be at her computer, but she's not on Skype or Facebook. I can tell because messages that I may send a moment after she logs off, don't actually deliver until she logs back on. If someone is invisible, they still send.
I won't be staying at her place no, she's currently living with her parents and sister.

As a slight update.
We spoke today about the best dates for me to go, and we agreed on a few weekdays instead of a weekend, because she'll be at work.

When I gave her the dates that I'd be looking at going over, and said I could book the tickets and hotel at the end of the week, she hasn't answered back, but is still online.

At times, it's almost as if she has to back off because she's afraid of getting hurt. But at the same time, I will admit it makes me doubt things between us. As if I'm being strung along at times.

For the record, she isn't bothered by my having children, in fact she's even spoken to my son on webcam.