Sick of my life at the moment

LegacyUser

Hi everyone, I think I need somewhere to vent

I'm sick of my life atmo as there is little to no stimulation for me and it's quite stagnant. Have friends but rarely see them and most of my time is usually spent cooped up in my bedroom. I feel very insecure about my appearance and my weight.

I tried at the weight loss for about 5/6 weeks and didn't see or feel any difference at all in myself. I gave up rather easily and also got a pretty bad injury in the process, so I was out of action for a long time. All that time out of action and I just said fxck it and caved in. Back to my old eating habits now

Not to make excuses but yes it was my own fault. I was very dedicated but just couldn't seem to make a shred of progress. The other thing that made it hard for me was I had 0 support from any of my family or friends. They never asked how I was getting on or supported or showed any sign of interest. My family aren't the best at communicating feelings and are a tad dysfunctional so, to be honest it didn't really help, it's rather upsetting

I really am not one bit happy in my life at the moment. I feel like my weight is constantly holding me back no matter what I do. Whether it be making friends, talking to /meeting girls, new friends or even just feeling good. I describe it as a curse, but honestly I have no one to blame but myself. My life is so boring, I rarely see my friends and I just want to get out of the place I am in at the moment cause I feel I am going nowhere and the only step or way I will get anyone to like me or feel good about myself is to lose weight.

For example, I met a really beautiful girl recently, and I like her a lot, but I know there's no chance in hell she would even consider dating or bothering with a guy like me. And I don't expect her to since there is more attractive guys than me and I mean, I like pretty girls so I wouldn't expect her to stoop so low as to me (I mean, that would be hypocritical, no?). Anyway, she started talking with one of my friends and they hit it off right away, given he's a pretty good looking guy. I have no idea what happened between them but it turns out she thinks I'm "cute". It hurts me to think if I lost some weight like I want to, I could reallly make her mine (cocky much XD). It depresses me to think of it. I know it will take time but I am so sick of feeling like this. That night I went home and was just so angry at the whole situation, I broke down and couldn't stop blaming myself for being such a big fat loser. Total self loathing


I know it sounds so shallow and pathetic that I feel like I need to lose weight to be accepted by people or feel good but I feel like I cannot be out going or get past certain points with people or really shine unless I look and feel good, in which case I do not now. I'm sick of getting called "cute" by girls, which is probably a nice way of saying UGLY, while my friends get all of the action, it's really depressing. It's come to a point where I cry myself to sleep some nights cause I think about it a lot, I feel like I cannot tell anyone so here I am ranting like a big child (I'm 20 years of age! haha). And when I am upset the only thing that really makes me feel good is eating. So it's a big big vicious circle I want to escape

I feel like the real me is trapped deep down somewhere and I can't show it off or show everyone how I really feel or look. It's a horrible feeling day in day out

I don't talk to anyone about my feelings and at this stage it has come to the level where my self loathing and self pity have come to levels where I want to break down and cry no matter where I go, and also if I feel like crying I always call myself an "idiot" and to stop acting like a baby. I'm not sure if this is some sign of mental weakness or problem but it feels like I'm talking to myself a lot as someone else pitying myself, if that makes any sense.. I feel like everyone is better than me and that I'm not good enough for anyone. I feel like crap all the time. I'm 20 if it matters by the way.

I think if I honestly lost about 30 -50 lbs i'd feel a lot better and that it would be my ideal loss

Thanks for reading

tenchi-fan

healthy mind = healthy body.
you won't be able to lose weight until you get into some sort of routine. even if you starve yourself for 2 months and lose a lot of weight you will just pile it all back on again without some sort of decent social life.

gargleblaster

First of all let go of this idea that it's mental weakness. It sounds like borderline depression if you ask me. You are beating yourself up for feeling down, and that's not helping at all.

I understand that you pushed too hard with the exercise and injured yourself, but you have to get back to it. See your GP and find a routine that won't exacerbate your injury and that you can commit to doing regularly. It's not easy but it's vital if you want to turn your life around. A good deal of your problems seem to be centered around the self-doubt caused by your carrying excess weight, so I'd start there.

Good luck, and don't feel ashamed of being sad. It's just part of being human. Depression can be a serious problem if unchecked so if you feel so sad that you can't function, please also mention that to your GP. They'll want to know how often it happens, how long it lasts, etc. It's important to deal with it, because if you are experiencing depression it can stand in the way of you getting the rest of your life on track. Sometimes you can feel so depressed you don't want to get out of bed in the morning and work out, but working out is very effective at combatting mild depression. Funny how that works.

Overheal

About the weight OP, I once read Dr. Phil's Ultimate Weight Solution. And obviously there's no one fix or book that will magically fix your issue, but I found after reading it I had a lot of material to take away from it. A good read. It will explain all the advice I could probably give about weight control. Excercising is great, and dieting (denying yourself your favorite foods) never works. I like peanut butter products. I won't live a life without them. All I need to know though is how to balance them into my life. I don't need them 3 times a day in copious amounts. As an example. Just like I could go weeks without a beer.

Aside from that,

You're letting what's in front of you stop you from progressing. You keep thinking your weight is holding you back and it will continue to. But if you stop thinking about your weight as an obstacle it will stop becoming one. If you never get comfortable with yourself you can never be confident. And if you're never confident how can you attract friends or lovers? Don't get me wrong: I couldn't pass a military recruitment physical (a ways off in fact), but I'm happy enough where I don't worry about it.

Girls aren't just attracted to porn star abs dude. There's a lot to be said for personality and confidence. If you keep wallowing in self-loathing and self-pity you're going to get nowhere. I mean hey now, your friend says you're cute. That is a genuine compliment and observation - learn how to take a compliment! I had that problem too. Used to hate myself so much I looked at every attempt to compliment me as a lie. But they aren't, when you finally realize that.

So you have some looks going for you. If you had the attitude to match, You could go far.

I mean think about this for a second. Have you only ever been attracted to Fashion Model girls? You never once had an attraction to some girl that you might otherwise (as a judgmental prick) think was 'unfit'? That works both ways. Like I said, it's not just the 10s that attract the 10s. I've seen some chunky guys attract some girls I would kill for. Stop thinking weight is everything, or it will keep weighing you down.

beks101

First of all, 'cute' in not a sugar-coated 'UGLY'. It's your head telling you that, not these girls who describe you as such. This is a projection of your own poor self image onto others. You probably would readily dismiss any compliment thrown your way, but I'll tell you as a woman, 'cute' is certainly not something to be sniffed at.

Secondly, losing 50 lbs is not going to radically and dramatically change the course of your life or fix your depressive thoughts about yourself. That's magical thinking. Your weight is a crutch, something tangible on which you can focus all your negative thoughts and beliefs about yourself. As long as you do this, you'll be keeping your hand firmly pressed on the self-destruct button because there's no way in hell you could possibly summon up the self respect or motivation or compassion for yourself to commit to a healthy lifestyle in the long term. Take it from someone who knows. Until you start to view yourself differently, it's not going to happen.