17 year old girl with 23 year old guy?

LegacyUser

I've just finished sixth year and I won't turn 18 until the end of September. I went out at the weekend for my friend's 18th birthday. I spent quite a bit of the night kissing a guy that I met.

He told me that he was 23, I told him that I was only 17 (I use my sister's ID.) I was completely open with him from the start, I told him I wasn't going to have sex with him (makes me cringe now to think that I said that, but it seemed an entirely acceptable thing to say at the time!)

He took my number and texted me at the end of the night, asking if I wanted to go back to a friend's house party with him. I declined, because I was staying the night at my best friend's house.

He texted again last night. He seems very sweet, his texts are lovely. He asked if I wanted to meet up while out this week, I suggested maybe the following week.

Of course, nothing at all may come of any of this, but I'm a bit concerned about pursuing it at all. There is quite an age gap there, and more than that, I wonder what a 23 year old would want with a 17 year old. He's graduated from college; I haven't started it yet.

The thing is, if he weren't so old, I would definitely go for it. I do really like him (or as much as one could after an hour or so spent together.) We got on excellently together, judging from his texts, he seems relatively intelligent and funny. My sister who is 21 has cautioned me against the idea - she is wary of the fact that he was in that club at all. We were in what is considered quite a 'young' club, i.e. the place to go for those under 20 and most over 20 would never go there. It's her opinion that any 23 year old who would want to pursue anything with a 17 year old can't be entirely decent.

Any advice?

AvaKinder

While age diffrences can cause alot of problems at that age due to different life stages and goals at the time, it can also be irrelevant.

When I was 18 about to turn nineteen I met a guy in work I got along very well with texting and all that and after about a month discovered that he was actually ten years older than me. I had alot of the same worries you probably have now but decided to see where it went, and ended up in a very happy 2 1/2 year relationship, and we have remained good friends ever since. The break up was nothing to do with age differences.

So if you really like him I say go for it and just be aware of your own limits and keep your wits about you until you get to know him better. I knew my ex for 5 months, was in a relationship for 3 months before we actually had sex as the age gap made me even more nervous about it. Just let things go at a pace you're comfortable with and if he's a decent guy he'll be fine with that.

LegacyUser

I say if you like him and he seems nice, give it a go. I was 17 when i met my boyfriend who was 23 at the time. We are still together now 3 years on.

greengirl31

OP, For a 17 year old you seem to have a very level head on your shoulders so that's a good start.
If you want to see him again, do but be careful. I remember when I was your age being in a similar situation and didn't give the guy much thought at the start but he'd kept cropping up in the places that I went and ringing etc, not in a starker like way but in a way that made me think he was really nice. Anyway, I thought he was lovely and a few months later I decided I was ready to take it further - soon as I did, I didn't see him for dust and I was devastated !!! Now that guy was obviously a plank and I learned my lesson - your guy may be genuine, I'm just saying to keep it in mind. On the other hand, my friend met her husband when she was 20 and he was 31 !! Everyone was convinced that it was a bad idea but they've been together now 13 years so it can be fine ...
Also, and this goes for ANY guy you go out with, you don't have to tell your parents where you're going (you should, but I remember what it's like to be a teenager) but tell SOMEONE ... Like a sister or "responsible" friend, where you're going and who your with. When I look back at some of the risks I took at your age, I shudder and I was one of the sensible ones !!
Have fun but be careful

MiniSquish

I'm nearly 23 and my boyfriend is going on 29, we work well now and I find it acceptable but I don't know if I would've considered dating him if I met him when I was 17. I have to say (I'm a big sister too- my sister has just turned 18), if a guy my age or older was interested in my sister I wouldn't be too impressed either. I don't know how experienced you are or anything but I'll just say from my own personal experiences, there's not an awful lot you and this guy will have in common and its likely that he's more experienced and will be expecting more from you than a few kisses if you get my drift. Some of the lads my age go to clubs that are deemed for younger people and have said that they're gonna stop going because they can't meet any girls their age. Now maybe I'm wrong and all but he could be one of those guys that likes younger girls because (some of them) are easier to take advantage of as they are not as experienced as they are.

seamus

Age makes less of a difference as times goes on. There's not much between a 25 and 30 year old, for instance, but there's quite a bit between an 18 and 23 year old. The difference is primarily maturity and experience.

As others have said, you seem level headed, so remember to maintain that. Your sister may be right - some older guys will go to "young" clubs specifically with the intention of meeting up with younger girls. The intentions could be innocent or they could be nefarious. At 23, he will have more confidence, more money and more experience than guys your age. Some men know this and use this to "dazzle" younger women into relationships.

But you're an adult now anyway (or close enough), and it's your decision to make. Just remember that you have a lot of living to do, and a lot of great experiences coming up. So no need to jump into any relationships straight away unless you're really into it.

LegacyUser

when I was 17 I went out with a 23 year old for a short while. I didnt consider him all that much older than me as myself and my friends hung around with a group of lads in their early 20's. Things change very quickly though when your that age. Even a year later the guys in their 20's were starting to seem a bit immature.

Id say as long as he's respectful and isnt pressuring you into anything your not comfortable with go for it, its not that much of an age gap.

I'd advise you to proceed with extreme caution.

Firstly, you're sister knows the situation better than any of us. She knows you, she knows far more about the guy than we do (as you seem to have talked about it with her) and she knows about the club.

Maybe he was in the club with friends, maybe he doesn't frequently go there, maybe he didn't know what the club was going to be like, but to be honest I know the kind of guy your sister was alluding to and I'd recommend you err on the side of caution because it's not the kind of person you should trust. He could be a great guy, and the age gap in itself isn't a problem, but the fact that at 23 he was hanging out in a very young club with a 17 year old does seem suss.

LegacyUser

I met my boyfriend when i was 17, i was in fifth year, and he was 22, turning 23, and in college.

At first i thought the age difference would be a bit of a problem, i hid it from my parents etc, but i'm still with him now 4 years later, I'm 21 and he is 26 and we are happy as ever.

If it feels right, go for it.

LegacyUser

Met my (now) wife when I was 23, she was 17.
Went out briefly, figured out she had things she'd need to do that I had already done.
Met up again 6 years later, and we're married now
If you are both in a similar place, go for it. If not, take his number and call him in 6 years.

tenchi-fan

23 isn't that old for a guy. go for it.

kingelmo

Go for it OP,

As previosly said it sounds like you have your head on your shoulders, if it feels right than go for it.

I met my OH when i was 17 and he was nearly 23, and are together over 5 years. I was still in school and he was out working.

Some people worry about ages differences and are like OMG what are ye doing!! But i say to hell with them its your life and its what you make it:D

LegacyUser

Met my boyfriend around my 17th birthday. He was 23 but turning 24 in about 4 months.
So we have almost a 7 years gap.
We are together over 7 years now.
I know couples who are married with similar age gaps.
I would say you should be ok as long as you feel comfortable.
You will know best yourself if it starts to feel strange or uncomfortable to end it if you want to
You might also find though, that you are quite happy and the age doesn't make a huge difference at all. It depends on the two people involved, what their personalities and compatibility are like. We don't feel like there is any huge age difference, as we both see and treat each others as equals. So yeah, depends entirely on how the two people interact with each other, and how they get along.

poozers

Wow!!! fair play OP! you seem to have a good head on your shoulders! when i was 22 i went out with a guy who was 32! i know 22 is much older than 17 but we had a great time together and only broke up then cos he was moving to the states for good!! id say go for it but, as you seem to already know yourself, if he pulls any "funny stuff", just tell him to back off a little! im nearly 26 now, and my current boyfriend is just after turning 24! we've been together nearly 3 years! i think you obviously seem to know what your doing, so why not give it a shot ?

LegacyUser

Wow, thanks to everyone for what is actually excellent advice! I was quite sure that ye would all say that such an age difference would be an insurmountable obstacle, so to hear from some of you who have been in similar situations is encouraging.

In relation to the question of experience, I'm not veryexperienced at all and he presumably is so will be my determining factor. I have no intention of doing anything before I'm ready, so I will wait and see (if anything comes of this at all) if that would be an issue for him.

Thanks again

LegacyUser

go for it op,its above aboard and legal,just prepare to be stuck to going to cinema on dates for the moment.

nessy382

jglkhdtd wrote: »

I say if you like him and he seems nice, give it a go. I was 17 when i met my boyfriend who was 23 at the time. We are still together now 3 years on.

I agree because when i was 17 i met my fella and he was 29.. and im with him 3 years now.

OP if you like him go for it

Overheal

I was quite sure that ye would all say that such an age difference would be an insurmountable obstacle

that was only in your head gl

chloek

He seem like a nice person, he is not that much older than you.
go for it and see what happens.