Should I be worried??

LegacyUser

I was at my BF's one morning, he had gone to work. I was using his laptop as I always do when I went to log into my gmail. Now his gmail and FB are always open when I go on his laptop and I always just close them and sign in myself.

Anyway, I went to sign out of his gmail when I saw an email saying "It was really nice talking to you xx" I opened it like any sane person would and it from a girl he was chatting to on an online vhat room that uses a web camera. He replies saying it was nice to talk to her to. She replied back and he didn't (it was from about 8 days ago). There was another email from another girl saying it was good to talk to him, but he didn't reply to that one.

I said it to him and said it only bothered me because he gave them his email address and he said "he didn't see any harm" in doing that then apologised saying he didn't mean to upset me.

I'm just a bit annoyed because he gave them his email address which, to me, means he obviously wanted to keep in contact with them.

Is this a normal thing to happen??

curlzy

This is a bit weird to me. I wouldn't be too happy with my bf giving his email to girls he's met on the net. It seems a bit weird. Any other red flags?

tallaghtmick

UnsureORParonid wrote: »

I was at my BF's one morning, he had gone to work. I was using his laptop as I always do when I went to log into my gmail. Now his gmail and FB are always open when I go on his laptop and I always just close them and sign in myself.

Anyway, I went to sign out of his gmail when I saw an email saying "It was really nice talking to you xx" I opened it like any insane person would and it from a girl he was chatting to on an online vhat room that uses a web camera. He replies saying it was nice to talk to her to. She replied back and he didn't (it was from about 8 days ago). There was another email from another girl saying it was good to talk to him, but he didn't reply to that one.

I said it to him and said it only bothered me because he gave them his email address and he said "he didn't see any harm" in doing that then apologised saying he didn't mean to upset me.

I'm just a bit annoyed because he gave them his email address which, to me, means he obviously wanted to keep in contact with them.

Is this a normal thing to happen??

Fixed that for you there;),I wouldn't worry much as he doesn't seem to reply afterwards,the fact that he doesn't leave his laptop passworded shows he has nothing to hide.

tallaghtmick

sunflower27 wrote: »

In fairness, he never admitted he was chatting to random women online.

I wouldn't like it either to be honest. Things can always start out innocent...

True but people men especially rarely chat to someone of the same sex online.I met a lot of good female friends online while in a relationship that im still friendly with now as a singleton and nothing has changed i.e still just friends with these girls.

tallaghtmick

sunflower27 wrote: »

I personally wouldn't be doing it if I was in a relationship, that's all I am saying.

Wont pm you so :pac: and what you are saying is true,if and when im in a new relationship I wont be chatting online (boards excluded)because I pretty much dont do it now.

tallaghtmick

Edit for op

Ok so he has it passworded for the first time it does sound strange,what site does he use?Funnily enough i know the filthy sites from the decent sites.

What im gonna say now is advice from my life,you should sit him down now and talk to him about it because it cant go on,no relationship will work with secrets,I destroyed mine and hurt a wondeful woman in the process and ill never forgive myself,she still wants to give it a go but in fairness I destroyed her trust and it will never come back 100% and thats why I avoid getting close to people.

ElleEm

Definitely say you're not comfortable with it, OP, because you seem like you aren't. Whether other people see it as normal or not is irrelevent.
When me and my boyfriend were together a year or so, he got a text off some girl he didn't know. He replied in jest, and they got chatting. I never thought anythin of it, and just thought it was a case of mistaken identity, and she wouldn't reply. They ended up texting for over a week, until I just said that I wasn't comfortable with it. My boyfriend is a super friendly person, and genuinely didn't see where I was coming from, but he stopped texting her due to my feelings about the subject.
It's not like you're saying he can't have girl friends but IMO there is something so strange about having one on one chats with strangers online/ texts etc.

LegacyUser

ElleEm wrote: »

Definitely say you're not comfortable with it, OP, because you seem like you aren't. Whether other people see it as normal or not is irrelevent.
When me and my boyfriend were together a year or so, he got a text off some girl he didn't know. He replied in jest, and they got chatting. I never thought anythin of it, and just thought it was a case of mistaken identity, and she wouldn't reply. They ended up texting for over a week, until I just said that I wasn't comfortable with it. My boyfriend is a super friendly person, and genuinely didn't see where I was coming from, but he stopped texting her due to my feelings about the subject.
It's not like you're saying he can't have girl friends but IMO there is something so strange about having one on one chats with strangers online/ texts etc.

Thanks. My BF is the friendliest person in world and I know he wouldn't anything to hurt me. I'm not comfortable with it though. I'll tell him though

LegacyUser

tallaghtmick wrote: »

Edit for op

Ok so he has it passworded for the first time it does sound strange,what site does he use?Funnily enough i know the filthy sites from the decent sites.

What im gonna say now is advice from my life,you should sit him down now and talk to him about it because it cant go on,no relationship will work with secrets,I destroyed mine and hurt a wondeful woman in the process and ill never forgive myself,she still wants to give it a go but in fairness I destroyed her trust and it will never come back 100% and thats why I avoid getting close to people.

Chat Roulette. He said he was bored. He said it's not like he's ever going to meet someone from the internet and that he would never want too. I don't think he has, or ever would, cheat on me, but i don't like the idea of him chattin to random girls alone in his room.

tallaghtmick

UnsureORParonid wrote: »

Chat Roulette. He said he was bored. He said it's not like he's ever going to meet someone from the internet and that he would never want too. I don't think he has, or ever would, cheat on me, but i don't like the idea of him chattin to random girls alone in his room.

Chatroulette can be harmless,and im sure these girls where from outside of Ireland you should have nothng to worry about.

Kevin Duffy

UnsureORParonid wrote: »

Thanks. My BF is the friendliest person in world and I know he wouldn't anything to hurt me. I'm not comfortable with it though. I'll tell him though

UnsureORParonid wrote: »

Chat Roulette. He said he was bored. He said it's not like he's ever going to meet someone from the internet and that he would never want too. I don't think he has, or ever would, cheat on me, but i don't like the idea of him chattin to random girls alone in his room.

How far would you take restricting his right to talk with other people? You say you trust him, you're sure he won't do anything, so what exactly is the problem for you?

If him talking to people online makes you uncomfortable, why are you anonymously seeking the advice of strangers about your relationship? How much different is that?

ElleEm

It's probably because here, she is truly anonymous. Whereas he is emailing girls, chatting and allowing them to see him on webcam. That is not anonymous, it's more personal.

Wompa1

I use to chat to girls online while in relationships. I never had cyber sex or cam crap or any of that. Never even flirted. Just general chit chat, I wouldn't talk to guys online because most are on there to stir trouble, make racist remarks etc. Chatted to maybe 2 guys just about IT and NFL...I liked chatting to women for relationship advice and some sex tips and the like. I lost all my female friends when I got into my last relationship, my ex was intimidated by them. I was a fool!

tallaghtmick

Wompa1 wrote: »

I use to chat to girls online while in relationships. I never had cyber sex or cam crap or any of that. Never even flirted. Just general chit chat, I wouldn't talk to guys online because most are on there to stir trouble, make racist remarks etc. Chatted to maybe 2 guys just about IT and NFL...I liked chatting to women for relationship advice and some sex tips and the like. I lost all my female friends when I got into my last relationship, my ex was intimidated by them. I was a fool!

Exactly like myself sure my msn is now empty when I log on:pac:

Wompa1

tallaghtmick wrote: »

Exactly like myself sure my msn is now empty when I log on:pac:

Mine was actually 2 female friends..not online. She got anxious so I stopped contacting them. It didn't help that my ex before her didn't like one of them and my sister was making remarks that we must be up to something! Irony being she had loads of male friends and for lack of a better word whorish past :P I didn't say boo about her having those friends.

But she also took exception to me chatting to girls online, she was asking why I had to look at their pictures if I was only chatting to them. Which is a fairish point I suppose but I would just have looked at everyones profiles to see if any were from Ireland or had similar backgrounds or interests. She's no more now anyway but I stopped chatting to them for her ages ago and deleted any friend I made. Just go on here now for advice, it's probably better

carlybabe1

tallaghtmick wrote: »

True but people men especially rarely chat to someone of the same sex online.I met a lot of good female friends online while in a relationship that im still friendly with now as a singleton and nothing has changed i.e still just friends with these girls.

Emmm, except your single now yeah?? wonder had it anything to do with the :eek:above

tallaghtmick

carlybabe1 wrote: »

Emmm, except your single now yeah?? wonder had it anything to do with the :eek:above

Thats pretty obvious from what i said.

And if you must know it was because of too many arguements.

amdublin

Chat roulette = fine
Giving girls his email address = not fine


Would he mind if you did this?

booboo88

i have no problem with random chatting, but exchanging emails, can lead to texts, texts can lead to phone calls and so on....

id only ever check an email if i was sus about something.

LegacyUser

In a relationship, each person has to earn trust. If you're only going out a short time OP what your boyfriend is doing is hard to take because trust has not been established yet. You're not insane for reading his email (as another poster said), you're quite rightly checking to see if your boyfriend deserves your trust.
Definitely let him know where you stand on this. My boyfriend has told me that there are some things I do that he doesn't like, and my first feeling is that I feel terrible that I've upset him. If it's not a human rights infringement : ), I definitely do my best to ensure that he has no reason to doubt me. He does the same for me, so it works both ways.

Most differences between couples can be fixed without drama or repercussions. If he resorts to acting like a drama queen because you've calmly explained to him how you feel, well then you're better off without him.