Changing relationship with friend

LegacyUser

It all started out in college when I met this girl from my home town and we became really good friends. We would text all the time, meet up very often, she was a real live-wire type of person so we got on really well.

I've know her for nearly two years now and so as time went on I began to fall for her. Now I would consider myself a very introverted type of person with few friends but the friends I have a close. I don’t have the most active love life i really fancied her but I knew all along 1000% that the feeling wasn’t at all mutual (I wont explain how but I know exactly her thoughts) she didn’t know I fancied her, she probably knew I thought she was good looking but she defiantly had no idea I liked her this much. We hung around so often we got sneered for being a couple

So for about a year I really liked her, I had no interest in other girls only her. So every so often she would get friendly with a fella that wasn’t me and it used to really kill me inside even though I could do nothing about it. I think I became a bit depressed, times would go by that I would get angry at her for no real reason, I began to question my own personal issues too like how I disliked my appearance and how I wish I was more popular etc etc and so when since I liked her so much I used to let me eyes wander a bit when I got drunk.

It really began to freak her out and her friends the way I would be acting so weird around her, becoming really depressed at times and other times becoming pervy like and she would get a bit distant from me but that would only cause me to become more depressed and lonely.

I always knew in my mind if I was to get her as a girlfriend then break up, the friendship would be ruined, but even now it seems to be going down the same path.

I noticed recently she is becoming distant again and I am feeling lonely again, I have other friends but just none as funny and exciting as her.

I don’t know what to do! I want to repair the relationship I had with her but on the other hand I can’t shake the feelings I've been battling with for so long

LegacyUser

Be honest with yourself. Your not friends with this girl, your only accepting friendhsip because you cant have more than that and its making you miserable.

You seem certain the feeliings you have aren't reciprocated but if I were you Id sit her down and tell her exactly how you feel and that being just her friend is not working for you then go on with your own life. Your feelings for her are not going to magically morph into platonic ones, and youve proven you cant actually be her friend by your jealousy and anger towards her for not returning your feelings. You cant offer her a real friendship so stop pretending you can just to keep her close.

premierlass

I think at this point you have to bite the bullet and tell her, because the way you are going you'll end up with nothing. I would do it when you have some time to talk properly. Apologise for how you have been behaving around her, but you have had these feelings that you didn't think she shared. Offer to give her some space but you would like it if you could remain friends. Leave it to her to decide how to react and respect her feelings.

You're going to feel much worse if this drags on, and remember you're making her uncomfortable too and will alienate her. If you're honest you will win back some respect.

LegacyUser

Hey as a girl I have been in this situation before when I was 17/18.I worked with this fella we had a laugh I kissed him once or twice butt hen realised that we where better of as friends because it was only a drunken kiss after gaf parties and stuff like that.He did not see it this way and I was told by friends he was in love with me.I remained friends with him but had to distance myself.We where great friends.I then got a boyfriend and he just had to deal with this(I dont know if he was hurt by this).Our friendship fissled out after a year or so of me being in a relationship.He has a girlfriend now and I am out of that relationship and I would hardly speak to him now.What im saying is how would you feel if she got a boyfriend???Maybe tell her how you feel but I have a feeling she might not feel the same.You should tell her anyways get it out there see what happens but be prepared anyways....xoxo

prickleberry

Hey OP, well funnily enough I'm in the same situation pretty much in every way. I would say be honest with the person and see what they say. As you said yourself she's not into you that way so prepare yourself for heartbreak. I fell for my best friend and things did continue on as normal for a good while but i found myself getting jealous and angry when a they got with new guys.... At the moment i'm stepping back from the friendship as I just know I have to stop being so close to them. It is sad as you do loose a very good friend but its really the only way at least temporarily anyway. Someone new will come along when you least expect it and make you happy and excited again. It WILL happen trust me. You'll probably even find yourself wondering why the hell you wasted so much time and effort with this girl. Just try and meet as many new ppl as possible, if your in college, join new societies and clubs and stuff will happen, ugh i'm blabbering now but anyway, hang in there and good luck

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I've been on the receiving end of the situation you are having. One of my friends from college developed a massive, and intense crush on me. To be the one fancied in this situation did not result in particularly pleasant feelings for me, and caused me a lot of upset and stress. The "friend" behaved in a very similar way you are describing your own behaviour. It caused me a lot of upset, stress, guilty feelings, and uncomfortable situations.

I think you are being completely selfish and putting too much onto this girl.You don't have a genuine friendship. You are taking what you can get from her and it is wrong. You say you would get angry with her for no real reason, except that you were feeling jealous that she was with other fella's, and got pervy with her too. The getting angry is bad enough....but acting pervy too? Have you considered how any of this stuff is actually affecting the girl?

I think you need to sort your own issues out before you get involved with anyone or start to be interested in anyone else. You can't leave you're happiness and how you feel about yourself up to someone else. Especially not a partner or potential partner. You need to just leave this girl to her life until you have sorted yourself out and are ready to be a real friend to her.

I'm sorry if this reply seems harsh and perhaps im judging you too much frommy own bad experience but it strikes some massive similarities.