THE ARAB ORANGE ORDER

barney4001

A loyal band of Orangemen from Ulster 's lovely land,
They could not march upon the Twelfth – processions were all banned,
So off they flew till the Middle East this dreadful law till dodge
And they founded in Jerusalem the Arab Orange Lodge.


Big Ali Bei who charmed the snakes – he was the first recruit,
John James McKeague frae Portglenone taught him till play the flute,
And as the oul' Pied Piper once was followed by the rats,
There followed Ali till the lodge, ten snakes in bowler hats.


They made a marital picture as they marched along the shore,
It stirred the blood when Ali played 'The fez my father wore',
And Yussef Ben Mohammed hit the Lambeg such a bash,
It scared the livin daylights frae a camel in a sash.


Now the movement spread both far and wide – there were lodges by the score,
The 'Jerusalem Purple Heroes was the first of many more,
The 'Loyal Sons of Jeddah' and 'The Mecca Purple Star',
And 'The Rising Sons of Jericho' who came by motor car.


The banners too were wonderful and some would make you smile,
King Billy on his camel as he splashed across the Nile
But the 'Tyre and Sidon Temperance' had the best one of them all,
For they had a lovely picture of Damascus Orange Hall!


The Apprentice Boys of Amman marched beneath the blazing sun,
The Royal Black Perceptory were negroes every one,
And the lodges came from Egypt , and the Abu Simbel Falls
And they shouted 'No Surrender' and ‘We'll guard old Cairo's walls'!


But when the ban was lifted and the lodges marched at last,
The Arabs all decided for till march right through Belfast
And they caused a lot of trouble before they got afloat,
For they could not get the camels to board the Heysham boat!


Now camels blocked up Liverpool and camels blocked Stranraer,
And the Sheik of Kuwait came along in his great big motor car,
But 'The Eastern Magic' L.O.L., they worked a crafty move,
They got on their magic carpets and flew in till Aldergrove.


When they came till Castle Junction – where once stood the wee kiosk,
They dug up Royal Avenue to build an Arab mosque,
And McGuinness says till Gerry Adams - 'I think it's time till go,
For there's half a million camels coming down frae Sandy Row!'


The speeches at the field that day were really something new
For some were made in Arabic and some were in Hebrew,
But just as Colonel Gadaffi had got up till sing 'The Queen',
I woke up in my bed at home and found it was a dream

:D:p

barney4001

Hitler's Dream

Now here is a story, strange as it may seem,
Of Herr Hitler the Nazi and his terrible dream.

Being tired of the allies, he lay down on his bed
and amongst other things, he dreamnt he was dead.

He was all straightened out and lying in State
and his little moustache was frozen with hate.

He went from this earth and up to Heaven went straight
and he proudly stood at the Golden Gate.

But Peter looked out and in a voice loud and clear,
Cried.. "Herr Hitler the Nazi" you can't come in here.

So Hitler turned back and away he did go,
with the greatest of speed to the regions below.

But the lookout angel was well worth his hire,
He flew through to Satan and gave him the wire.

So Satan said "Fellows", I'll give you a warning,
we're expecting Herr Hitler down here in the morning.

Now I'll tell you straight and I'll tell you clear,
we're too blasted good for that fellow down here.

O' Satan, O' Satan, Herr Hitler cried,
I heard what you said, while standing outside.

Oh give me a corner,I've nowhere to go,
But Satan said no, a thousand times no.

So he kicked Hitler back, then vanished in smoke
and just at that moment Herr Hitler awoke.

He jumped right up in a lather of sweat,
Shouting, Doctor oh Doctor, its my worst dream yet.

To Heaven I'll not go, that I can tell,
But it's a dammed awful thing, to be kicked out of hell

by patrick kelly Dundalk