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Confused about his feelings

  • 14-07-2011 1:46pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    I really hope some of you can give me some advice about a relationship I'm in. It's not been a long time and I'm not an expert on relationships at all as I haven't really been in one properly so I'm hoping you can shed some light please.

    So I've been seeing a guy for about 3/4 months, dating. He asked me out initially. We would text every day and in the beginning the texts were more flirty, which I know is normal as he was showing interest I suppose. Texts wouldn't be flirty really now.

    He's a really nice guy but I cannot read him at all. I just feel like he's blowing hot and cold. If we're out on the town etc... he's much more chatty and seems more into me. Same when we're in bed (we took that part slowly I should add) But sometimes he can just appear disinterested.

    He's not touchy feely AT ALL when we're out on dates or out together asides from holding hands. In bed, is a different story obviously. He never kind of touches me in the sense of just putting his hand on my back or knee or anything at all. Along the same lines he never really gives me compliments at all either, tell me that I look nice.

    Don't get me wrong. He is a lovely guy. I feel like he's shy in some ways and this might explain some of it, but I just don't know. As I said, I can't read him. I don't want to sound desperate looking for a guy complimenting me all the time, I'm not like that. It's just starting to upset me I suppose because in many ways I don't where I stand. When we became boyfriend and girlfriend I put that forward to him. I know I'm mad about him I just don't know if he is the same about me.

    I know a lot of you will say talk to him about it but he's really not a guy to talk about his feelings, as you can tell from the above, and while I don't want to lose him I don't want to feel like this anymore either.

    Any help would really be appreciated.
    Thanks


Comments

  • #2
    squonk
    Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 10,284 Mod ✭✭✭✭squonk


    He may not be a very touchy-feely person. Is the relationship a kind of first for him? He may be shy that way. What are you like when you're home alone? Will he hold hands then and eventually end up kissing you? I'm wondering if he's one of those people who isn't that into overt public shows of affection. What ages are you both? You say things seem fine when you're in bed but I suppose that's quite intimate and you really can't avoid touching in that situation :).

    The thing is OP, you need to discuss this with him if it's bothering you and only he can really answer this. If you don't feel you can have a conversation like this with him after 4 months, what happens down the line when other things come up in the course of the relationship? If you can't communicate then there's an issue there. I never really went in for this whole 'men don't talk about their feelings' thing. Not to other guys of course, but to you're OH, you have to open up to some degree. It's just occurred to me that this guy might just be along for the ride and in a relationship with you because you're someone to go out with and he enjoys being with you but isn't overly serious about it and doesn't see you as a serious thing.


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