Should I tell her?

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Not a serious one, but could do with some advice...

I recently took a trip to New York with my best friend, one of the best trips of our lives. We're both single and had a ball, lots of partying, drinking, kissing random guys...one of the guys my mate kissed was a cop (totally irrelevant, just adding colour here!), it was in a bar, drinks were taken, all very PG as she kissed this guy and I hooked up with another.

Anyway we're home a few weeks and she is still maintaining contact with this guy. Texting quite frequently, planning to meet up with him when she's back in NY (prob close to Christmas). An important note here is that she's quite low in confidence now after a bad break-up about a year ago that shattered her self-esteem. Dating is still a big deal for her and it was great to see how her confidence seemed to be boosted during our week with the male attention that she got. However, she totally over-thinks dating and men and is quite sensitive to every small thing that happens with a guy these days.

So now to the main point - this cop guy tried to kiss me on the night in question. AFTER he had kissed my friend. We were back in the lobby of our hotel, I went to look for the bathroom, he decided to go at the same time, and just as we cornered the hall he pulled me towards him and tried to kiss me. I pulled away and told him off for it, was disgusted but didn't utter a word to my friend when I got back. He then proceeded to be all over her, spent the rest of the night kissing and cuddling up to her and giving the impression that he really liked her.

I wasn't going to say anything but that now he seems to be really growing on her. She's texting him a lot and talking to me about him a lot, asking me what I thought of him, do I think he's a nice guy etc etc. I really don't want to dent this girl's confidence as she's really a great girl and has been through the ringer with her break-up and is quite fragile. But I don't want her to be led down the garden path either. What should I do?

squonk

OP I'd tell her straight up. None of this adds up. He only met you guys one night and kissed both of you. Under normal circumstances, if he got your friends number and they'd been on a few dates and were starting to like each other then fine, case closed and good luck to them. Here though, he's in NY for god's sake! He's probably just in it for the attention and a sure shag fora while once she comes over. Who is also to say that he's not up to this with other women as well! I know long distance relationships do work and I've friends to testify to that but the difference is that those relationships began while both were in the same country initially so the early days were relatively normal and then they progressed to the LDR thing as circumstances dictated.

I'd sit her down and get her head straight. She won't believe you of course but it needs to be said. I think the cop is a bit of a player.

I am a friend

I would for sure.. He obviously is taking things differently to her and you dont want her to be hurt. If my friend told me the same, I would appreciate it.

ppink

Yes I would absolutely tell her before she starts to become attached or something silly.

What a sleaze:(

Kiera

I had to tell my friend the same last year and she thanked me for it. She was a wee bit crushed but got over it pretty quick and it didnt shake our friendship.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys, sort of confirming what I knew already.

Just to add, I don't think she's really expecting anything to come of this, she's just sort of keeping him as a contact for when she is back in NY...she's not thinking long-term or relationships or anything. My main thing is I really don't want to crush her confidence and wasn't going to tell her for that reason...I didn't expect her to stay in contact with him, I sort of assumed it was a one-night thing.

I sort of feel now like I've left it so long that maybe she won't believe me...but I guess that's a risk I have to take. I really should have told her on the night, but I was slightly drunk and really didn't want to ruin her night.

Thanks again

Idbatterim

she will probably ask why you didnt tell her before, but i definetly think telling her now will be for the best. I mean she can make her own mind up after that. I agree about the guy possibly just seeing her as a sure thing if she is over at xmas, obviously I dont know for sure. But I do know how americans see dating etc as oppossed to here, and she is thousands of miles away...