Should I bother tellling him I slept with his best mate before we got together?

LegacyUser

Not a serious issue but a niggling one. I'm going out with a guy since April but a week or so before we went on our first day (St. Patrick's night), I slept with a friend of a friend of a friend. A drunken one night stand. Grand. The guy fancied me for a while as I was told by some people and we were basically set up at a party. The following morning when I left the guys house, I gave him my number and told him to call me if he wanted to go out. I liked him enough but wasn't fussed either way. It was more out of politeness and the fact that he wasn't a complete stranger and would more than likely bump into him again. He texted me the following night asking me what I was up to. I told him I was busy as I was and that I'll get in touch when I've more time on my hands...but I never did. I'm sure he wasn't devastated or anything as he never got in touch again. Grand.

Had the date with boyfriend a week or so later and now were still together but...

Turns out my boyfriend is very good friends with this guy...it might even be his best mate in the city. He comes up in conversation a lot and my heart sank when he told me he knew him. It's not a major coincidence as my boyfriend is also a friend of the friend of the friend. I didn't tell him I slept with him, I basically said nothing. The guy I slept with has said nothing to my boyfriend either (as far as I know). I know my boyfriend won't care as he's not at all the jealous type but I feel I should tell him. Not make a big deal out of it but just mention it otherwise I think it'd be a little strange as were bound to meet this guy eventually together (we only meet at weekends and most of the time it's just the two of us). I don't actually know why I didn't but just thought it might possibly make things awkward...I wasn't thinking basically.

He hasn't mentioned it and either have I. Does my boyfriend need to know this and if so, how should I bring it up considering I didn't tell him straight away when he mentioned him a few months back???

Thanks guys.

crotalus667

Tell him if your talking about X's other wise dont sit him down to have "a talk" if you make it a big deal he will see it as a big deal , rember he has prob slept with other people as well so he should be able to see things with a leviel and understanding head

LegacyUser

Seeing as it's been niggling at you for this long, I would just tell him. As you said yourself, he seems like the kind of guy who won't care, so why not just tell him? Otherwise it's going to just keep niggling at you, and you might feel awkward when or if you and the boyfriend start to spend time with him.

For all you know there's a chance your boyfriend already knows about it if this guy is his best mate. If he didn't see it as important or any of his business, he might have just not bothered bringing it up with you.

If my boyfriend had slept with one of my friends I would want to know about it before I had slept with him. Truthfully I would probably find it weird, and it would probably make me not want to sleep with someone that my friend had slept with. I wouldn't be pissed off at all, but it would be something I would just feel abit weird and uncomfortable about.

I have never once asked my boyfriend about how many people he's slept with, I don't care because they are in the past and don't even cross my mind. The only exception to this would be if it was a close friend of mine, I would want to know. I would just feel annoyed about it if I had been sleeping with my boyfriend for months or years, with both of us spending time in the regular company of my friend, and then one day finding out that they had slept together at some stage. It would just weird me out, I would wonder why neither had mentioned it, it would put unpleasant images in my head and I just wouldn't be comfortable with the situation.

I wouldn't be annoyed at all if I was told about it before I ever slept with my boyfriend, I would probably choose to then not sleep with that person
(it would depend how much I liked the guy, if it was a lot then I might just forget about it and continue seeing him) but would appreciate them telling me and of course stay friends with both. I would be annoyed though if I found out months down the line after already sleeping with my boyfriend.

Just tell your boyfriend and let him make up his own mind if he he is comfortable about it. More than likely, it probably won't even make abit of difference to him if he really likes you. I suspect my personal feelings if I was in the same shoes are probably unusual, and no doubt will get called insecurity by some here.
Maybe it is, I don't know though because as I said exes I don't care about, don't even ask about, I know a few of the people my boyfriend has slept with because he has just mentioned it to me himself that he used to see so and so. Some of these people I would be friendly enough acquaintances with and would chat to the odd time. Nice girls, doesn't bother me.A close friend of mine who we both had regular contact with, WOULD however bother me though. It wouldn't be an angry feeling, more just a weirded out uncomfortable type of feeling about the whole thing.

More than likely not a problem for most other people though, so just tell him. Doesn't have to be a big deal. Next time your boyfriend brings the friend up in conversation, just mention that you have actually met his friend before. Just tell him the truth that you weren't sure how to bring it up before, and then explain how you had hooked up with guy one night. Keep it a casual vibe conversation, and just see if your boyfriend has anything to say about it. He mightn't as long as a big deal isn't made of the whole thing.

You could just say nothing, but if his friend then tells him a few months down the line that he slept with you, your boyfriend might wonder why you never mentioned it. Or he mightn't give a toss about it, who knows? I'm only advising you to tell him to get it of your chest as it is obviously bothering you a bit and causing you awkwardness.