GF just using me??

LegacyUser

Hey guys, Regular poster here but going unreg for this one!
I've been wanting to write this for quite a while now but to be honest I know myself that the replies will be along the same lines as my feelings and the relationship will probly be over, even though I'm really starting to develop deep feelings for her!!

Anyway, we're together for the last 8 months I suppose, were dating for a few weeks beofre that. Everything really is great when we are together, we have the best times together and there is no one else I'd rather be with.
I don't earn alot of money but I work hard, atleast 6 days a week every week, sometimes 7 days, split between 2 jobs (one is an apprenticeship where I earn f all). This earns me enough to pay my car loan, insurance, diesel and throw my parents a few quid aswell as I'm living at home still. I also have a bit spare to treat herself, take her out, a weekend away every now and again, which I have no problem doing. The problem is when we aren't together, which can be up to 4 or 5 days at a time, I never hear from her. If I text her, 90% of the time there will be no reply, she never ever texts me first, if I ring there is usually no answer! To be honest I feel like a burden to her at times and she only meets up with me then if I suggest taking her out somewhere or doing something together that is going to cost me money. If we go out to town, I'll be the one buying the drinks for the night. If she is finished hers slightly before me, she'll go and get herself another without asking if I'd like one, or else just wait for me to ask is she ready for another! In the time we're going out I reckon she has bought me 2 drinks! If we go cinema I pay, a weekend away, I pay, out for dinner, I pay. I wouldn't have a problem with this but if I text her suggesting going to her place to watch a movie and have a few beers, she has no interest and probly won't text back!!
I know I'm a fool, but I'm young and in love! I buy her presents and things all the time for no reason, which is probly the cause of all this. If we are out shopping and she see's something she likes, I'll buy it for her if I can afford it. Again, I'm starting to realise I'm a being taken for a ride!!

I don't know what the point of even writing this was, I suppose to help me realise that I should do myself a favour and bail out now, but maybe some of you could have a few ideas to help me sort it out without ending it, as I said, I'm in love!!

Miss Fluff

You are being taken for a ride m'dear.

If you don't want to finish it with her then you need to tell her how you feel she is using you and that things need to change. I'd be pretty sure they won't change though. She's not even trying to disguise the fact she's using you.

I wouldn't be too heartbroken if things end. This is not how most women who are in love behave in a relationship but I guess you won't realise that until you actually meet a nice girl and then you'll wonder why the fcuk you wasted any of your time on this madam.

Chucky the tree

Why would you want to sort it out without ending it? She sounds like a horrible person to be with and you should be delighted about getting rid of her. She clearly doesn't give a toss about you and only likes you because you pay for everything.

LegacyUser

feartheoutcome wrote: »

I don't know what the point of even writing this was, I suppose to help me realise that I should do myself a favour and bail out now, but maybe some of you could have a few ideas to help me sort it out without ending it, as I said, I'm in love!!

And doesn't she know it! She's taking you for a ride. You deserve so much better. I'd feel awful if I treated my boyfriend the way your girlfriend treats you. Ok, at a huge stretch I could deal with not paying for things, but that would be only if I didn't have a job. But ignoring your phone calls and texts? She has no respect for you, I'm sorry to say. Only stay with this girl if you want to feel used and trodden on. If you want to feel happy, I suggest you drop her and don't look back.

Alter-Ego

It sounds like the relationship is very one sided.

Does she work or have an income?

Say it to her that you don't think its fair that you should pay for everything and be doing all the work.
If she's doesn't get her act together then you'll have to make a decision on whether she's worth it.

Bloody Nipples

Don't text or ring for a few days, however long it takes for her to bother picking up the phone and seeing what the story is, then use that as an opportunity to ram home the fact that your relationship is totally one sided. If she agrees to try harder and put more effort in then hopefully things work out. But if she doesn't pull her socks up having been given the opportunity then I'd give her the heave ho.

Skuxx

Bloody Nipples wrote: »

Don't text or ring for a few days, however long it takes for her to bother picking up the phone and seeing what the story is, then use that as an opportunity to ram home the fact that your relationship is totally one sided. If she agrees to try harder and put more effort in then hopefully things work out. But if she doesn't pull her socks up having been given the opportunity then I'd give her the heave ho.

Was just about to say this OP. Wait and see how long it take her to make contact with you. Then you will really know. More than 2/3 days and that would be it for me! I'd never go longer than that (actually it would rarely even make it to 2 days) without talking to my GF unless she was away or something that I knew about before hand!! Sorry about your situation though, I know it can be tough, especially after 8 months, I'm sure you must be very fond of her to have stuck it out this long!!

55

I repeat..

feartheoutcome wrote: »

bail out now

You are

feartheoutcome wrote: »

as I said, I'm in love

of being takin a ride

Distorted

She's so rude! Going to the bar and getting herself another drink without asking if you want one, never offering to pay for you or even her own half! So rude! Either she is oblivious to the concept of basic manners and sharing, or she is using you. You sound as if you spoil her rotten, and she has got used to it and it forms the basis of the relationship for her. I really think you should say something to her about it so you don't feel guilty for ending it, as by her reaction you will be able to judge what she is like.

Canluum

She sounds really really selfish. When this relationship ends you will look back on it with a facepalm


Also I'm guessing she's American?

Moomoo1

Canluum wrote: »

She sounds really really selfish. When this relationship ends you will look back on it with a facepalm


Also I'm guessing she's American?

ummmm.... WOT?

LegacyUser

You sound like a nice guy. A few years ago I watched a guy like you with a girl who at the time was a student who expected her bf to pay for everything. She was the same when she went out with her bf and his family - she would let everyone pay for her drinks and one of my family members saw her in action one night. Her Bf said good bye to her. He had a lucky escape as the guy she married dances to her tune always. Both her & the guy she married had jobs in Ireland but she wanted to move abroad to save money which they did.
Within 18 months they came back to get married & have a wedding with 400 guests. They are still abroad.
As part of a couple she should ring and text you, she should pay for things or do nice things for you. I know some one who met his wife when they were young and neither had much money but she did not expect him to pay for everything. When she got a job she paid in full for more things.
Give this girl her marching orders because you deserve more.

Warm Panda Cola

I'm afraid to say this but she is using you as the proverbial atm. Cut your losses now while you still can and go, no girl who's in love or even in like treats her bf in this manner.

You sound like a really nice guy, and you deserve way better than this freeloader, I think you've answered this yourself in your head before you even began with this post.

You don't need to shower a girl with gifts/weekends away etc to ensure she stays with you, a girl who loves you will just be glad to spend any time at all with you, even if ye're not doing anything 'exciting'

Best of luck with this situation, and I hope you meet a girl who deserves you!

LegacyUser

Op here, thanks for all the replies. They are what I was expecting to be honest and what I knew myself in my head, just didn't want to admit.
Anyway, I'm going to have it out with her over the weekend and see how I get on, I'm not going to waste anymore of my time on a dead end "relationship".

Thanks again everyone!

In The Sticks

Hi ya, I think you knew that the writing was on the wall yourself but you wanted sombody else to tell you too, You seem to be a decent guy, cut your losses and bail out, she seems to have cleaned you out enough already, Best of luck bud.

qwerty13

You sound like a decent, hard working and generous person - and it really seems that you are being taken for granted (or worse - milked). Sorry to put it so bluntly, but your GF comes across as a complete user.

Are there any extenuating circumstances? Like is she unemployed / earning really bad money / lives at home and is giving her parents a high amount of her earnings to help them out? Even if any of these were true though, she still sounds as though she doesn't care about you - and I know you've said that you've got deep feelings for her, but save yourself a lot of heartache and just don't accept a relationship where someone doesn't care for you in the same way as they would (or should!) care about/for a family member or close friend. Do you know anything about her previous partners/relationships (could be a pattern there).

I knew a girl like this OP - we aren't friends any more, I found her behaviour sickening. She actually said quite blatantly that she didn't pay for drinks or meals, and expected dates/BFs to do this! And regularly 'punished' BFs and friends by giving them the cold shoulder. A big red flag for me after I stopped being friends with her was that she had a lot of acquaintances but hardly any friends - especially female friends (who were immune to her good looks!). She seemed to have a massive sense of entitlement, and anything that didn't meet her 'standards' of how she should be treated was met with a strop. Anyway, she married her BF, and they are now apparently fighting all the time - I feel that her husband's fall on harder times due to recession has lot to do with this.

My advice would be run for the hills before she gets her claws in any further. Sorry, but I really believe there is no saving this relationship.

booboo88

qwerty13 wrote: »

You sound like a decent, hard working and generous person - and it really seems that you are being taken for granted (or worse - milked). Sorry to put it so bluntly, but your GF comes across as a complete user.

Are there any extenuating circumstances? Like is she unemployed / earning really bad money / lives at home and is giving her parents a high amount of her earnings to help them out? Even if any of these were true though, she still sounds as though she doesn't care about you - and I know you've said that you've got deep feelings for her, but save yourself a lot of heartache and just don't accept a relationship where someone doesn't care for you in the same way as they would (or should!) care about/for a family member or close friend. Do you know anything about her previous partners/relationships (could be a pattern there).

I knew a girl like this OP - we aren't friends any more, I found her behaviour sickening. She actually said quite blatantly that she didn't pay for drinks or meals, and expected dates/BFs to do this! And regularly 'punished' BFs and friends by giving them the cold shoulder. A big red flag for me after I stopped being friends with her was that she had a lot of acquaintances but hardly any friends - especially female friends (who were immune to her good looks!). She seemed to have a massive sense of entitlement, and anything that didn't meet her 'standards' of how she should be treated was met with a strop. Anyway, she married her BF, and they are now apparently fighting all the time - I feel that her husband's fall on harder times due to recession has lot to do with this.

My advice would be run for the hills before she gets her claws in any further. Sorry, but I really believe there is no saving this relationship.

eh my wages are fairly crap and i pay most of my wages to my parents, but it doesnt excuse it, in fact i was in the same position op is in, he'd hint at wanting something for ages.
looking back now i was a fool,
an even bigger fool to break up with the guy before him. we each paid our own way, but spoil each other at times like xmas, so there was no pressure when it came to paying.

qwerty13

@ Booboo88, I'm defo not excusing it! I guess just trying to see if there was any reason why it didn't seem as much of a 100% 'user' situation as it appears.

I guess my first thought was 'what a horrible girl' ... and then I was trying to say to myself whether there was anything that would've in some small way made her less of an awful person - I suppose I was thinking that sometimes people can behave oddly rather than talk about a reason for their behaviour, e.g. if her folks had financial issues, and she was helping out far more than could be reasonably expected, rather than say "look, I'm really broke 'cos my folks are in deep sh*t and I just can't afford to do anything". Embarrassment makes us all do slightly irrational things!

It doesn't appear to be the case here, as she doesn't sound like the most decent of people; but you know, worth asking if only to confirm my view that she ain't worth the time the OP is putting into trying to make her happy

LegacyUser

OP, Ive been in your situation before, but i can tell you, i don't think you are in Love...she has zero respect for you, and she is probably laughing with her friends about how much of a sucker doormat you are. sorry but its true....if you hate yourself & want to destroy your self worth then stay 'in love' as you call it. if you want to be respected & build up your confidence & be happier then you have to tell her to fcuk off...and be that blunt...& most importantly, never go back...it will hurt for a while but trust me you won't regret it in time...

nicechick!

feartheoutcome wrote: »

Op here, thanks for all the replies. They are what I was expecting to be honest and what I knew myself in my head, just didn't want to admit.
Anyway, I'm going to have it out with her over the weekend and see how I get on, I'm not going to waste anymore of my time on a dead end "relationship".

Thanks again everyone!

oohhh ever so curious what was the outcome?