Parents Failing; What Should I Do?

LegacyUser

Registered user going unreg'd for this one.

I'm a 25 year old male.

I'm living out on my own, working full time and am very happy with where I am at the moment. Thanks to being a bit lucky in the past and more than a bit savvy, I've fairly well-off and have plenty of savings to my name and as I'm in pretty much full-time employment, I'm able to have a comfortable life.

My problem is this: my parents own their own business (my father is the main man, my mother is there mostly as support, but as she is recently retired from her official job, she now spends a lot of time in the business). This business is now going down the tubes, thanks to the recession mostly and thanks to a bigger and similar business opening in the area and undercutting them and so on.

My mother got a big lump sum when she left her job, something to the tune of €50k or so I'm told. About €30k of that went towards a new car for her, while my father practically begged for the remaining €20k to pump into the business to help keep it afloat.

My problem is this: should I be overly concerned about this situation? I do not think I should be, nor should I divulge that I have in excess of €20k in savings myself, for I fear that I might be asked to part with them to support what is essentially a corpse of a business that has been mooted to fold up and quit even when times were good!

My parents are in no danger of losing the family home (mortgage paid off about 7 years ago), nor would they be very, very stuck for money if the business did fold up (mother getting a pension from her old job; father would get severance package and a decent pension if he were to retire). I also seem to think that the mother's new car (a brand new and fairly high-end car) would be able to be sold for a nice sum and a cheaper car bought if they had to, but I doubt it would come to that.

But I still feel guilty when I think of it. They're my parents, at the end of the day. While I have no great love for them anymore (that's a job for another thread!!!) and I never saw eye-to-eye with them growing up, they're still my parents and I still feel that I could use my money to help them. I worry that I may never get it back, obviously, but I wonder is it worth my soul for a few euro? But that money could help secure me a future and help me maybe get a new house in a few years or something... I am torn by this, between my own life and between helping my parents.

I'm very conflicted and I genuinely don't know what to feel... Help now and pay for it later? Or ignore this and let the business sink but possibly have a good future... ugh... I just don't know.

I am a friend

I dont see why you would throw good money after bad. You Mum seems to have no issue buying her big car which is a sign that they are unwilling to take the problems with the business seriously so why should you. Its also a kick in the teeth for the people who are going to lose their jobs and the creditors who are going to lose money to see your mum swanning round in a new car... If she was that worried about losing her house she would not have bought it.

Taltos

Can I suggest that you talk to them and suggest that they get financial advice on winding down?
If this is failing it would be best to exit as cleanly as possible without debitors trying to get payment by seeking other assets.

In terms of your own savings - I would keep that in your back pocket for now. I know 20k sounds like a lot - but it will disappear fast. If needed later you can wheel it out but I think both your parents need to wake up to the harsh fact that sometimes you have to just close a business before it closes you...

LegacyUser

Anyone who buys a brand new car for 30k is not worried about their finances.

So you shouldn't be either.

mailforkev

Unless you are specifically asked about the situation just stay out of it.

And under no circumstances bring up the topic of money (theirs or yours), certainly do not mention your savings.

If you are asked for your opinions on the matter then by all means offer them as much non-financial support as you wish to.

Beruthiel

DM MCMLXXXVI wrote: »

About €30k of that went towards a new car for her

This jumped out at me.
If I won the lotto and was rolling in it, I'd buy a car for €30, but never in a million years would I hand over that much cash for a car under any other circumstances.
The fact that your mother handed over that much money for such a luxury means she is not worried about money.

should I be overly concerned about this situation?

They are grown adults, what or how they run their lives is up to them and you should leave them to it.

nor should I divulge that I have in excess of €20k in savings myself

Your savings are your own business and nobody elses. Keep it to yourself and do not tell them.

But I still feel guilty when I think of it. They're my parents, at the end of the day.

Yes, they are. They are also human and if they make bad business decisions it is not your job to bail them out of that situation. They will cope.

I still feel that I could use my money to help them.

Might I remind you again, your mother spent 30k on a car, if they could have used that money, why didn't she get a car for under 10k?

Or ignore this and let the business sink but possibly have a good future... ugh....

This.
Without question.
If I fuk up in life, I do not expect my daughter to bail me out.
I made my mess, I'll sort it out.

Wompa1

DM MCMLXXXVI wrote: »

Registered user going unreg'd for this one.

I'm a 25 year old male.

I'm living out on my own, working full time and am very happy with where I am at the moment. Thanks to being a bit lucky in the past and more than a bit savvy, I've fairly well-off and have plenty of savings to my name and as I'm in pretty much full-time employment, I'm able to have a comfortable life.

My problem is this: my parents own their own business (my father is the main man, my mother is there mostly as support, but as she is recently retired from her official job, she now spends a lot of time in the business). This business is now going down the tubes, thanks to the recession mostly and thanks to a bigger and similar business opening in the area and undercutting them and so on.

My mother got a big lump sum when she left her job, something to the tune of €50k or so I'm told. About €30k of that went towards a new car for her, while my father practically begged for the remaining €20k to pump into the business to help keep it afloat.

My problem is this: should I be overly concerned about this situation? I do not think I should be, nor should I divulge that I have in excess of €20k in savings myself, for I fear that I might be asked to part with them to support what is essentially a corpse of a business that has been mooted to fold up and quit even when times were good!

My parents are in no danger of losing the family home (mortgage paid off about 7 years ago), nor would they be very, very stuck for money if the business did fold up (mother getting a pension from her old job; father would get severance package and a decent pension if he were to retire). I also seem to think that the mother's new car (a brand new and fairly high-end car) would be able to be sold for a nice sum and a cheaper car bought if they had to, but I doubt it would come to that.

But I still feel guilty when I think of it. They're my parents, at the end of the day. While I have no great love for them anymore (that's a job for another thread!!!) and I never saw eye-to-eye with them growing up, they're still my parents and I still feel that I could use my money to help them. I worry that I may never get it back, obviously, but I wonder is it worth my soul for a few euro? But that money could help secure me a future and help me maybe get a new house in a few years or something... I am torn by this, between my own life and between helping my parents.

I'm very conflicted and I genuinely don't know what to feel... Help now and pay for it later? Or ignore this and let the business sink but possibly have a good future... ugh... I just don't know.

Hey OP,

I actually have a similar tale to tell. My father was in a bad car accident, which resulted in numerous back ops over the years, the doctors screwed up one and he was left partially paralyzed and with chronic back pain. So he has been out of work since 2000.

He got a settlement for the car crash itself which he then p1ssed away on real estate, drinking and gambling. Basically trying to show off and be a big man. He got the settlement in late 2003. Sure enough recession hits, house prices fall out, can't rent, can't pay back the mortgages. House in America can't be rented and property tax is due etc.

My mother came crying to me about everything. I was 22 at the time, just out of college and had just about paid back the loan I had to take to get myself through college (my father spent none of his settlement on me..not that it bothers me too much I rather being my own man) Anyway long story short she asked me for a loan of about 10k euro. I gave in.

I moved to a box room in a rough part of the city. My room didn't have a window and the bed was wedged into the wall. At the time it was over a third of my salary. I lived a pretty crappy life for 2 years.

I was home that X-mas, my father got drunk and told me he didn't need my help and that he doesn't owe me anything, that it was my mother who went crying to me. He p1ssed away his settlement and put my mother into financial troubles..she works, she didn't want to spend the money. I don't regret helping my mother out but I'm still very resentful towards my father. It was a huge sacrifice on my part and he doesn't even acknowledge it.

If I was you I think I'd leave them to it

thefeatheredcat

DM MCMLXXXVI wrote: »

About €30k of that went towards a new car for her, while my father practically begged for the remaining €20k to pump into the business to help keep it afloat.

DM MCMLXXXVI wrote: »

My problem is this: should I be overly concerned about this situation? I do not think I should be, nor should I divulge that I have in excess of €20k in savings myself, for I fear that I might be asked to part with them to support what is essentially a corpse of a business that has been mooted to fold up and quit even when times were good!

firstly I would keep the amount you have in savings to yourself as you could be pressured into throwing it into a black hole never to be seen again as the business winds down....and perhaps that it is something, that if even in good times, struggled, it is often a wiser thing to walk away from, rather than throwing more money into it.

Your parents have a good few assets (and I would suspect a few more beyond) to sell if necessary. They have a responsibility to themselves to seek financial advice and manage their finances, even in a crunching time, particularly in relation to the business and be realistic about it.

I think they will have to iron out some things between themselves and look to solutions for themselves first. I think that talking to them to find out how things are would be an idea, to gauge how good/bad the situation is and suss the reality from the perceived reality. I would hazard a guess that spending €30k on a car has nothing to do with necessity or luxury, but more keeping in line with expectations from their lifestyle, if that was a previous norm for them, and if not, well either a once-off but a rather unwise decision imo that probably won't be realised until hindsight and reality set in.

You can show your support to them without committing any money to it, and even then, you can always do small gestures or help out if things get much worse outside of the failing business.

tenchi-fan

Don't pump money into a failing business.

Ticktactoe

They are the parents and you are the child. It is not your job to clean up their mess especially when they seem to be reckless.

Life is a lesson that needs to be learned.... let them learn it.