Shy guys

kinaeda

Just wondering what guys opinions are on shy guys? I'm horrendously shy so I don't really approach guys or go out on dancefloors :P Would you approach a shy guy in a bar? Or do you prefer a guy who comes after you?

Daith

kinaeda wrote: »

Just wondering what guys opinions are on shy guys? I'm horrendously shy so I don't really approach guys or go out on dancefloors :P Would you approach a shy guy in a bar? Or do you prefer a guy who comes after you?

Well unless you know them beforehand how do you know if they're shy or not before you talk to them?

kinaeda

=_= touché. okay so if you were chatting with a guy and he was fairly shy would it put you off?

ongarboy

I think it depends on what you mean by shy. If someone approaches you and starts chatting with you and you respond with curt, one word answers, minimal eye contact and don't really reciprocate, it is going to be offputting and not because of the shyness but because you would come across as aloof or uninterested (even if that wasn't your intention).

Put yourself in the shoes of the pursuer - would you be more attracted to and feel you're getting somewhere with someone who engages with you when you strike up a chat with them or would you be more drawn to someone who gives off an impression that they are not interested in chatting with you?

I know it's difficult overcoming shyness but you need to tackle it and change your tactics and not use it as a justifiable barrier to meeting new guys. Start dancing on the floor to songs you like - no need to wait for friends to join you...I often dance solo!!... (you might bump into someone on the floor who loves the same song too and think you're a bit of alright also....!!), maybe order a cocktail to get you in the buzz and help relax and reduce any self conciousness. Make eye contact with guys you like as the chemistry/spark from eye contact can often be sufficient to score without any chatting....that can come later....(ie your place or mine?? )

Printemps93

kinaeda wrote: »

Just wondering what guys opinions are on shy guys? I'm horrendously shy so I don't really approach guys or go out on dancefloors :P Would you approach a shy guy in a bar? Or do you prefer a guy who comes after you?

If a person seems shy personally I'd approach them unless they were giving me unintentional dirty looks .....then i'd be a bit put off

Daith

kinaeda wrote: »

=_= touché. okay so if you were chatting with a guy and he was fairly shy would it put you off?

It has but I dont think the guy was what I would call shy. Almost had no social skills. I wasnt even trying to chat him up, just making friendly banter (he's a friend of a friend). Literally one word answers, no attempt to help with the conversation.

I would say I'm shy myself. Though I find that on a one on one basis I'm grand and can talk to someone, but if there's a group of people I tend to withdraw and let others speak.

So I suppose if I think the guy is shy but is making some (any!) effort to take part in the conversation it wouldnt put me off.

shylad

Hey, I'm quite shy too and I actually posted a similar thread recently. What I got from people's comments was to just go for it , although some lads like shy people I think it's quite rare that they'll approach you because the're afraid of rejection, so although you might feel the same it's worth a try because there's nothing to lose. Just go for it I'm going to give it a try myself next time I'm out!

Karty55

I'm about as shy as they come for the most part. Tend to keep my mouth shut in group situations unless directly engaged but one on one I will try my best to hold up a conversation. Wheter or not I succeed is another matter entirely.

AodhDub

I'm a shy guy myself most of the time. But I think I can hold a one on one conversation no bother, once I get some help from the other party.

To me shy is quite attractive. Far better than the loud, attention seeking alternative.

nelly1912

i am painfully shy to start with, i will never approach someone, and i tend to be a bit of a wall flower. i try an get over it but it still over powers me. however, saying that usually if someone starts talking to me i will hold a converstaion. and relax a bit.

syconerd

what are you like when you have had a few drinks do u talk to everybody or are u still shy i found that i was quite shy when i first came out in the 80s in dublin but the more i got to no the people on the scene i found out that i was quite outgoing and could chat the hind legs off of a donkey now dont get me wrong sometimes this doesnt work but most times i have found people like to talk and this is the way to get started
what i have found and you might notice is the barman will normally have a part of the bar where he hangs around and if you plant yourself there you will be able to chat to him as well as others coming to the bar for a drink it only takes a while then next time you come to the pubs you will know a few more each time
ok rant over if that dont work maybe you should go and do a public speaking course and you may never have trouble talking to people again
my 2 p

shylad

It's a bit weird quoting myself but I think it's relevant to this topic...

Just go for it I'm going to give it a try myself next time I'm out!

I went for it last time I was went to a gay friendly night out and it went great I didn't really care whether I failed or not, I was probably a bit too blunt towards the end but it paid off , anyway I never thought I'd approach anyone but once you get over the initial fear it's fine!

samanthawho?!

Hey, I know this sounds hard, but even if your shy and not confident, act! I was told this when i was goin for my first interview and i apply it to everything! Like im the least confident person ever but i manage to act confident, talkes a while to get used to, but it will work! Just say what ever is on your mind instead of silences and laugh!! Good luck

plein de force

Im quite cripplingly shy sometimes myself especially in relation to other guys, and i do find shyness attractive too but it's obviously difficult if he's shy and im shy as well.
And i'd usually wait for another guy to come up to me if i'm out or whatever but realised that im stopping myself from having fun if i never approach people myself. so, the last 2 weeks going to gay friendly nights i decided to put myself out there and approach people instead and the results were great, got a few dances and a few kisses too and my confidence has increased. it was slightly spurred on from reading this thread in particular.

so if you're shy, just try and pluck the courage from somewhere and you might be surprised