How do I "relax"?

LegacyUser

So, as the question states, how do I calm down when it comes to girls? I feel myself over analysing everything I say/do and everything she says/does. I don't want to but I can't stop myself. If I text a girl, I'm constantly checking my phone until she replies and if she doesn't reply in a certain timeframe, I'll get pissed off for no good reason. I place way too much emphasis on everything and it drives me crazy because I can't seem to stop myself from acting this way.

I hate playing games with girls and I hate when they play games with me but I can't stop myself thinking "if it takes her x amount of time to text me back, then I'll take the same amount of time to answer her text" or something similar. Most of the time I'll see sense and cop on but, at the same time, there's been occasions when I've made a right mess out of everything by overreacting to well, nothing. I'd like to "free" myself of even stressing out over something so stupid in the 1st place - there's far more important things to be worrying about than whether a girl texts me back or not! It's so silly but it seems like there's 2 voices in my head - 1 is loud, immature and impatient whilst the other is more mature and laid back and quieter.

PI please help:)

Kimia

I was similar enough (with boys) when I was younger. It was such great fun and I got a real buzz when they did text me back so it became this strange obsession almost!

I think a lot of it had to do with validation. I went through this kind of period in my younger days when I sought out validation from others, rather than from within. So if he texted me back, that meant that I was worth something, that I was attractive etc. I always equated happiness as coming from outside me, from some other source. It's a terrible way to hand over your control to others, especially as they have no idea!

Take back the control and try to get validation from within. You want to get to a place where it doesn't bother you that much if a girl doesn't text back, because you don't need that rush of confirmation that you're attractive/cool/whatever. You already feel secure in yourself ya know?

A good way to begin is to literally practice - and no game playing. If you text a girl and she doesn't text back straight away, take her literally and assume that (rather than she's ignoring you) she's in the middle of something. You text her back when you feel like it, if that happens to be straight away, happy days. It doesn't matter.

Best of luck.

A19B1C12

I was like this aswell for a while but I found a good way to avoid this was to stop bringing my phone EVERYWHERE with me. If I was going to my friends down the road,going to play football,I'd alway bring the phone.

I advise finding something to do and leaving your phone at home after you text her,maybe go for a walk or something, after you do this a few times you'll begin to care less. Honestly.

I am a friend

I used to be like this and then I got a bit jaded with the whole dating scene and became less interested in the outcome of dates etc etc. So I guess the only way you can change is to become a bit less enthused about dating - its a shame but its true.