In love with friend

LegacyUser

Regular boardsie going unreg for this as I'd prefer this was kept a secret for now.

First things first, I'm a guy and she's a girl, so it's not any more complex than it needs to be!

We're similar in age (I'm a little over a year her senior) and really good friends, she's arguably my best female friend. I'm just finished college, she has another year to go. We've been hanging around in the same relatively small crowd since we were around 14 or 15.

I've kinda always had a thing for her, and it tends to flair up every so often (years rather than weeks, mind). Last time was in 2009, but I faffed around and didn't do anything until it was too late (she started seeing someone else). Since that time, she's kinda always been on my mind. I took a year out of college (it was getting me down) and went travelling, and when I came back about 10 months ago, she'd just broken up with her most recent boyfriend. I know she had a hard time with that as she didn't really see it coming.

Coupled with that, her dad was recently diagnosed with a terminal illness, so she has a lot on her plate and possibly isn't in the greatest of form.

As a result, I'm confused as to what I should do. I want to give her time so that if she doesn't take what I tell her well she won't feel too bad, but then again I don't want to wait too long like last time.

I know people say stuff like "you're in the friend zone" and that this isn't a good idea, but, to be honest, I don't want the "what if" feeling. For me anyway, it'll let me close that chapter and move on, as my relationships have suffered because I didn't just move on (sad or what?!), so there's no real way an of ye can talk me out of it!

Just lookin for a bit of advice as to how and when to approach her about it.

shocksy

I wont give advice on whether to do it or not as you obviously have made up your mind that your going ahead and doing it anyway, but one thing i would say, now is definitely not the right time, her father is terminally ill, that will be her main priority now, so now would not be the right time to say anything, mainly because the response you could get might not be accurate, her head must be all over the place etc, she needs you as a friend right now, if theres a time in the near future to proceed, well by all means give it a shot, but personally i think been her friend right now would be the right way to go

karaokeman

DaveDude wrote: »

Regular boardsie going unreg for this as I'd prefer this was kept a secret for now.

First things first, I'm a guy and she's a girl, so it's not any more complex than it needs to be!

We're similar in age (I'm a little over a year her senior) and really good friends, she's arguably my best female friend. I'm just finished college, she has another year to go. We've been hanging around in the same relatively small crowd since we were around 14 or 15.

I've kinda always had a thing for her, and it tends to flair up every so often (years rather than weeks, mind). Last time was in 2009, but I faffed around and didn't do anything until it was too late (she started seeing someone else). Since that time, she's kinda always been on my mind. I took a year out of college (it was getting me down) and went travelling, and when I came back about 10 months ago, she'd just broken up with her most recent boyfriend. I know she had a hard time with that as she didn't really see it coming.

Coupled with that, her dad was recently diagnosed with a terminal illness, so she has a lot on her plate and possibly isn't in the greatest of form.

As a result, I'm confused as to what I should do. I want to give her time so that if she doesn't take what I tell her well she won't feel too bad, but then again I don't want to wait too long like last time.

I know people say stuff like "you're in the friend zone" and that this isn't a good idea, but, to be honest, I don't want the "what if" feeling. For me anyway, it'll let me close that chapter and move on, as my relationships have suffered because I didn't just move on (sad or what?!), so there's no real way an of ye can talk me out of it!

Just lookin for a bit of advice as to how and when to approach her about it.

I agree with shocky. The fact that her father is unwell will certainly take precedence over any kind of love life she might have.

That is not to say that you should never go for it. I would say if you get around to talking to her, act casually and be prepared for anything.

Just ask how she is and understand that this is a difficult time for her. She will probably tell you how she's feeling about her father and it will be a very painful moment.

Tell her you understand how she feels and how terrible it is.

I would say let her get through this time of uncertainty before making a move, there's no saying nothing will come about it if you give her space and let her deal with the current trauma in her life.

I am a friend

I dont agree, her Dad could last for years even if he is terminally ill... I would tell her but, when needed, give her plenty of space and time to be with her Dad...

You have waited for long enough, next time she is snapped up could be for good. Good luck.

Taltos

I am with I am a Friend on this.

However - you need to take it slowly and be gentle in terms of letting her know. Ideally make sure one of her friends is close by - just as a precaution - but tell her.

Keep it simple, let her know you feel more for her than as a friend but it is because of that friendship that you can't keep hiding it.
No pressure - don't demand to know how she feels - chances are she will need time to take it all in - seeing you as a friend for so long she may have some mental acrobatics to do.

In terms of your timing - mate - there is rarely a right time.
Yes it stinks about her Dad - and there is no way for you to sugar coat that - which is why I am suggesting having some backup for her there... But what are your choices here? Wait and more than likely lose her - or say something and who knows...

tolosenc

I am a friend wrote: »

I dont agree, her Dad could last for years even if he is terminally ill...

Em, doesn't terminally ill mean death within 6 months?

@OP: Sucks dude. It really does. I mean, if you go to talk to her, and she's clearly distressed about it, leave it, but if she's feeling alright, go for as soon as you can. Personally, I've "faffed" with several girls in my time and always lived to regret. You sound like it'll help you personally regardless of the outcome, so there's really very little of an option here. Sure it's all scary, but hey, that's life.

I am a friend

It means you are not going to get better but could be a prognosis of 6 months, 1 year etc. but I know of numerous people who have beaten the odds and lived for years following a similar diagnosis.

The sarcasm was lovely though - thanks :rolleyes: