Living without Oral

imnotreg

My girlfriend is trying by kissing me there but I have a feeling it may never happen. She said in the past that fellatio just doesn't appeal to her. I know she will never let me ejaculate in her mouth and that part I can probably live with but would love her to bring me to orgasm that way.

It is difficult to discuss this in normal conversation with her. Any ideas?

dee.

If she really doesn't want to do it there's probably not much advice antone can give you. I think a lot of things in a relationship (especially in the bedroom) are about compromise though, we won't all like the same things but its fun to explore and try new things. it baffles me when women or men are 100% against something like this without trying it. Maybe she had a bad experience with a partner in the past? Sorry I can't offer more advice but if you have already tried talking to her about it and she still refuses, she's probably not going to change her mind

karaokeman

Blowjobs appeal to some people but not to everyone.

I'd say if your girlfriend is trying by kissing you at the right spot, that could be a good first step.

I've heard stories about women who can't go anywhere near the region they would need to touch to give a man oral.

But in many cases thats to do with guys who aren't very hygienic. I'm not saying your not very hygienic, some girls just don't like it at all and never try.

Give her some time and see what works for both of you.

As soon as she becomes more comfortable she may try oral for you just once. If you're intimidate with her on mutual terms, thats where it will come to both you and her sampling what works for one and not for the other.

imnotreg

I'm happy that she is trying but she stopped as soon as my precum appeared

I really doubt it has to do with hygiene though perhaps in her mind.

I think it is a very important part of a relationship for me. She didn't want me to perform oral on her either. I agree, just try and once before deciding.

trio

Wait a minute, you just said she is trying.

Give her a break!

You almost sound like you want to dump the girl because she's not wanting to have you ejaculate in her mouth, or ejaculate (at the very least) within 1 second of having you in her mouth!

Gary4279

wear a flavoured condom.

nicechick!

imnotreg wrote: »

My girlfriend is trying by kissing me there but I have a feeling it may never happen. She said in the past that fellatio just doesn't appeal to her. I know she will never let me ejaculate in her mouth and that part I can probably live with but would love her to bring me to orgasm that way.

It is difficult to discuss this in normal conversation with her. Any ideas?

Seeing as you don't make any reference to age or length of relationship it could be that she is a little unsure of herself and lacking in confidence or that it doesn't actually appeal!! Encourage her always she's obviously open to trying that a great start why not encourage her eh turn around while your playing with ''her bits'' she does the same for you!!


Depending on the length your dating its likely with time confidence grows and she'll be open to trying new and different things in the bedroom... that said if she doesn't enjoying bj its likely that you will be conscious of this and not enjoy the experience as much Good luck!

Canluum

imnotreg wrote: »

I'm happy that she is trying but she stopped as soon as my precum appeared

The all important question here is context. If you're 18 and dating a week I'd say chill. If you're 30 and dating a year I'd say DTMFA. So what age is she and how long have you been dating? As with most things new, they are an acquired taste, and can require a little patience... it comes down to where you draw the line with that patience, is it infinite?

I've dated girls before who were...hesitant about anything beyond your missionary vanilla... but with a little bit of patience and exploration a kinky streak emerged, uncultured but willing, from out of their shell. Others however have remained in an unadventurous state (no objective criticism, just not for me). They'd make the odd lip-service toward trying something new, but get squeemish and conservative when it came around to the act. This is not the attitude of a GGG partner...

trio wrote: »

You almost sound like you want to dump the girl because she's not wanting to have you ejaculate in her mouth, or ejaculate (at the very least) within 1 second of having you in her mouth!

Okay now you should give him a break. If he's expected to remain in a monogamous relationship then he has a duty to himself to make sure the person he chooses is someone that makes him happy. This is clearly important to him and he does not sound happy. If he doesn't intend to remain in the relationship as a result then the quicker he ends it the better.

Distorted

I think the "answer" to this depends on who you are asking. To me, you sound as if you are asking for validation that you are right to consider whether the relationship is for you because of this issue. Thats only really something you can answer, but you might get a mixture of people either agreeing or disagreeing with you. I often think on online forums, there is a tendency for others to tell people what they want to hear, or hold back on alternative views for fear of being flamed. Again, none of this matters - if you are not enjoying the relationship, then it is not for you.

My opinion on it (since you have asked) is that it seems rather shallow and one dimensional to put this issue above all others. You mention ejacultating into your mouth - there are of course girls out there who will do such things happily but there can't be a huge amount of girls it does that much for. "Girl talk" I have taken part in has sometimes been along the lines that some girls will do stuff like this because they have don't have much else to attract a man with, or use it as a tool for getting what they want; there are of course girls who enjoy doing it too, but again I've not heard of anyone enjoying regular ejeculation into their mouths outwith the porn industry, and obviously thats acting. As for basic oral sex, some girls will do at the beginning of a relationship to please a guy but drop it because they don't really enjoy it.

Perhaps you need to find someone who puts as much importance on sex in a relationship as yourself, and make that your primary goal in finding a girlfriend.

imnotreg

trio wrote: »

You almost sound like you want to dump the girl because she's not wanting to have you ejaculate in her mouth, or ejaculate (at the very least) within 1 second of having you in her mouth!

I know i would be crazy to 'dump' her. I don't think there is anything wrong with really wanting to experience this with her

trio wrote: »

wear a flavoured condom.

I did suggest this

trio wrote: »

Seeing as you don't make any reference to age or length of relationship it could be that she is a little unsure of herself and lacking in confidence or that it doesn't actually appeal!! Encourage her always she's obviously open to trying that a great start why not encourage her eh turn around while your playing with ''her bits'' she does the same for you!!

Late 30s! I have always encouraged her.

trio wrote: »

If he's expected to remain in a monogamous relationship then he has a duty to himself to make sure the person he chooses is someone that makes him happy. This is clearly important to him and he does not sound happy. If he doesn't intend to remain in the relationship as a result then the quicker he ends it the better..

It would probably be very foolish to end it. I agree with your first sentence.

trio wrote: »

My opinion on it (since you have asked) is that it seems rather shallow and one dimensional to put this issue above all others. You mention ejacultating into your mouth . . . I've not heard of anyone enjoying regular ejeculation into their mouths outwith the porn industry, and obviously thats acting. . .

I'm not putting the issue above all others. I had a girl who absolutely loved swallowing etc.

Ruby-J

Have you tired to just talk to her about it and ask her what is the reason for her being so anti or against it? You say she is trying so could you give her more time to feel comfortable about it? How long are you together? Perhaps having more time for kissing and fondling would help?

But as a few posters have said some women just dont do oral on men. IF she doesnt want you to do oral on her well then maybe she is just anti-oral in general?

I say just talk to her about it and see if there is a deeper reason for it all.

prinz

imnotreg wrote: »

I had a girl who absolutely loved swallowing etc.

Good for her, why didn't you stay with her? People are different, your ex and you gf are different. Your current gf obviously doesn't love swallowing and there is no point trying to make one enjoy the same thing as the other. At first it sounded as if your current gf doesn't give you oral sex "Living without Oral", that's a far cry from "Living without ejaculating in her mouth" which is what your real problem seems to be. Get over it or end the relationship.

imnotreg wrote: »

I don't think there is anything wrong with really wanting to experience this with her.

Apart from the fact that she is obviously uncomfortable with the idea of you ejaculating in her mouth?

smiles302

Have you asked her why?

That she stops at pre-cum it sounds like it is the taste/texture?

Would you start drinking more water, less beer and exercising more if this was to help? (In my limited experience, this combination helped a lot)

Have you ever tasted it yourself?

Neyite

Not every girl likes the taste or sensation of high-speed jizz hitting the back of their throat.

Your girlfriend is giving you oral, which I think is meeting you halfway. The whole point of sex is for it to be mutually pleasurable. A point I think you are missing. Pleasurable to give and receive. Its not going to be pleasurable for her if she is gagging and dry heaving in the ensuite while you lie back happy and sated.

If you are not compatible sexually, then you need to either find a happy medium, or call it a day.

imnotreg

Ruby-J wrote: »

Have you tired to just talk to her about it and ask her what is the reason for her being so anti or against it? You say she is trying so could you give her more time to feel comfortable about it? How long are you together? Perhaps having more time for kissing and fondling would help?

But as a few posters have said some women just dont do oral on men. IF she doesnt want you to do oral on her well then maybe she is just anti-oral in general?

I say just talk to her about it and see if there is a deeper reason for it all.

Yes we have discussed. Together 2 years. We spend lots of time kissing/fondling.

She hasn't put me in her mouth yet. I wouldn't mind if she took me out just as I climax.

I don't drink beer at all.

Of course I know it is a 2 way thing. She hasn't let me give her oral either.

Sonics2k

It's a comfort thing, someone women (and men) detest giving and/or receiving Oral sex.

Honestly it's just something to deal with, and not something to measure a relationship on.

Who knows, she may get used to it, and she may not. Frankly other things are a lot more important in a relationship then getting a BJ now and then.

booboo88

+1 on above.


If thats the biggest problem in your relationship, I wouldnt get too worried, if she want or like it its a bit selfish to try talk her into it, as she may resent you for it

Honey-ec

imnotreg wrote: »

Yes we have discussed.

And was there a constructive outcome to the discussion? Or was it a case of "I'm not doing it and that's it"? Because that's not a discussion.

Lookit, people have very different levels of what is and isn't acceptable to them in the bedroom. To me, oral sex is very much at the vanilla end of the spectrum, but your girlfriend obviously has issues with it. It's up to you to figure out A) whether her issues can be dealt with (and that goes back to my question about what the outcome of your discussion was, and in fairness, she may not see it as an issue at all) or if this is a relationship you feel is worth sticking with, if the situation remains as-is.

For what it's worth, my two cents is that it's very difficult to get past serious sexual incompatibility, regardless of how much you like eachother otherwise. I'm sure others will disagree, though.

imnotreg

Honey-ec wrote: »

And was there a constructive outcome to the discussion? Or was it a case of "I'm not doing it and that's it"? Because that's not a discussion.

Lookit, people have very different levels of what is and isn't acceptable to them in the bedroom. To me, oral sex is very much at the vanilla end of the spectrum, but your girlfriend obviously has issues with it. It's up to you to figure out A) whether her issues can be dealt with (and that goes back to my question about what the outcome of your discussion was, and in fairness, she may not see it as an issue at all) or if this is a relationship you feel is worth sticking with, if the situation remains as-is.

For what it's worth, my two cents is that it's very difficult to get past serious sexual incompatibility, regardless of how much you like eachother otherwise. I'm sure others will disagree, though.

She said she might try in time. I think oral is 'at the vanilla end' also. The relationship is definitely worth sticking with. I agree that sexual compatibility is essential.

verlona12

I say don't beat it until you try it, but you should find out why she doesn't like it first, and her experiences with oral. If she just doesn't like it just leave her too it. Of course you have to step out of your comfort zone once and a while, but if it turns her off all together try something else that the both of you would like, maybe a 69?

prinz

Honey-ec wrote: »

And was there a constructive outcome to the discussion? Or was it a case of "I'm not doing it and that's it"? Because that's not a discussion..

The OP's partner is trying, and using her mouth on him. She's just not comfortable taking it completely into her mouth. That sounds constructive to me. A case of "ok I'll do whatever you say" isn't a discussion either.

Dennis

I have yet to meet a woman that would not try a chocolate flavoured condom.

Maybe a chocolate sauce night might work.

Apparently eating strawberries improves the taste of semen too.