Father's rights

Spudy67

i was just wondering if anyone knew what rights i would have to seeing my son. at present i only get to see him once every two weeks because im on reduced wages and it costs me 30 euro in travelling to see him, plus i hand over admittedly a small amount of money to his mother everytime i get to see him. obviously it would be more if i was back on a 5 day week. she has a car and yet i havnt had him out to my house and he is two in september. she has alsosaid to me that if i made more of an effort, along with handing over more money she would consider bringing him to my area.

all advice is greatfully taken.

paul

MagicSean

If you can't come to an agreement between you then you need a solicitor to get a court ordered custody agreement. You should do this anyway because if you just go with an informal agreement then you have no recourse when she eventually breaks it.

marble

hes right,take it to court.more money,more of an effort is bs.shes thinkin of herself not her son.been there done that...go to court or she'll have full control

annacanna

if you give her such little money and she is supporting your son almost fully (money wise) then why would you expect her to spend an extra 30euro by bringing him to see you?
thats 30 euro less in her pocket for supporting your son!

Spudy67

annacanna wrote: »

if you give her such little money and she is supporting your son almost fully (money wise) then why would you expect her to spend an extra 30euro by bringing him to see you?
thats 30 euro less in her pocket for supporting your son!

i understand what ur saying but it would be alot more if i was back to normal hours, thats not an issue. id hand over 100 p/w if i had it. plus it only takes her ten minutes to drive to my place, once every two weeks wouldnt be asking too much.

MeerKat17

Spudy67 wrote: »

i understand what ur saying but it would be alot more if i was back to normal hours, thats not an issue. id hand over 100 p/w if i had it. plus it only takes her ten minutes to drive to my place, once every two weeks wouldnt be asking too much.

If it only takes her 10mins to get to your place then how does it cost you €30 to go see her? Doesn't make sense to me?

MagicSean

MeerKat17 wrote: »

If it only takes her 10mins to get to your place then how does it cost you €30 to go see her? Doesn't make sense to me?

Perhaps he doesn't have a car and has to get a taxi.

Also surely it is in the childs interest to see his father regularly.

EDIT: Also if she drops the child out that is €30 more she could be getting from him.

Spudy67

MeerKat17 wrote: »

If it only takes her 10mins to get to your place then how does it cost you €30 to go see her? Doesn't make sense to me?

10 min drive. the way the transport system is up here, i have to get a bus to town which is a tenner, then another bus to her place which is a fiver, the teh buses stop at 6 so i have to get a taxi back which is 15 euro. i know, money shouldnt matter if i get to see my son but u cant travel for free unfortunatly

Spudy67

Seanbeag1 wrote: »

EDIT: Also if she drops the child out that is €30 more she could be getting from him.

spot on :cool:

MeerKat17

Fair enough! I know money is tight these days. But would you consider cycling?! A friend of mine cycles 30km one way about twice a week to see his kids.

Perhaps if you were to make a huge effort to see him more regularly for a while your ex would appreciate this and in turn make more of an effort to bring your child to you?

Spudy67

annacanna wrote: »

if you give her such little money and she is supporting your son almost fully (money wise) then why would you expect her to spend an extra 30euro by bringing him to see you?
thats 30 euro less in her pocket for supporting your son!

she doesnt work therefore i prsume she is getting assistance from the government

Spudy67

MeerKat17 wrote: »

Fair enough! I know money is tight these days. But would you consider cycling?! A friend of mine cycles 30km one way about twice a week to see his kids.

Perhaps if you were to make a huge effort to see him more regularly for a while your ex would appreciate this and in turn make more of an effort to bring your child to you?

maybe ur right, but i still thing she could try a bit harder too. plus its the money issue not just the being able to get out thats annoying her. but hey, well see what happens

MeerKat17

Seanbeag1 wrote: »

EDIT: Also if she drops the child out that is €30 more she could be getting from him.

Petrol costs money too....

Spudy67

true

MagicSean

MeerKat17 wrote: »

Petrol costs money too....

A 10 minute round trip would cost €4 max? she still makes a tidy profit

Finnbar01

Spud, you could also suggest that you don't mind babysitting him for a night or weekend so she can go out with her friends while you get time with your son.

annacanna

for christs sake if my child lived 10mins drive away then id walk to see her wouldnt care if it was 2 hours walk each way, get a bike man! youd swear you lived 4 hours drive away

she says your not making an effort, have you ever tought that maybe shes sick of you calling every 2 weeks to see your child when she is the one looking after him 24hrs a day, 7 days a week? being a single parent is not easy

have you told her that you will give her extra money to pay for the petrol?

have you tried saying that you would take your son overnight/weekend if she would drop him up?

lone parent allowance is 217.80, 188 personal rate and 29.80 for your son and if anyone thinks 29.80 keeps a child feed and with clothes and shoes....your crazy!

edit. if you go to court asking that a ruling be made that she has to drop him to you, this will not happen
could you ask a friend to drive you to collect your son and throw him the 4/5 euro for petrol, there has to be someone you can ask, a friend, workmate, housemate?

she dosent need to make an effort shes looking after your child 24 hours a day, i think thats effort enough

MagicSean

annacanna wrote: »

for christs sake if my child lived 10mins drive away then id walk to see her wouldnt care if it was 2 hours walk each way, get a bike man! youd swear you lived 4 hours drive away

she says your not making an effort, have you ever tought that maybe shes sick of you calling every 2 weeks to see your child when she is the one looking after him 24hrs a day, 7 days a week? being a single parent is not easy

have you told her that you will give her extra money to pay for the petrol?

have you tried saying that you would take your son overnight/weekend if she would drop him up?

lone parent allowance is 217.80, 188 personal rate and 29.80 for your son and if anyone thinks 29.80 keeps a child feed and with clothes and shoes....your crazy!

she dosent need to make an effort shes looking after your child 24 hours a day, i think thats effort enough

I can see this getting very personal.

annacanna

just trying to get the op to consider why she wont drive the child to him.
seeing things from his exs side might help

MeerKat17

Seanbeag1 wrote: »

A 10 minute round trip would cost €4 max? she still makes a tidy profit

Profit?! LMAO! She has the child full time! How can she possibly make a profit?! Children are expensive!

michael999999

annacanna wrote: »

just trying to get the op to consider why she wont drive the child to him.
seeing things from his exs side might help

Would anyone think of looking at it from the childs side, maybe he would like to see hes father!

MagicSean

MeerKat17 wrote: »

Profit?! LMAO! She has the child full time! How can she possibly make a profit?! Children are expensive!

If she has to spend 4 to get 30 then that is a profit of 26. Hardly rocket science.

MeerKat17

Seanbeag1 wrote: »

If she has to spend 4 to get 30 then that is a profit of 26. Hardly rocket science.

I think you've missed the point.... I take it you don't have kids, and most certainly are not a single parent?

Spudy67

annacanna wrote: »

for christs sake if my child lived 10mins drive away then id walk to see her wouldnt care if it was 2 hours walk each way, get a bike man! youd swear you lived 4 hours drive away

she says your not making an effort, have you ever tought that maybe shes sick of you calling every 2 weeks to see your child when she is the one looking after him 24hrs a day, 7 days a week? being a single parent is not easy

have you told her that you will give her extra money to pay for the petrol?

have you tried saying that you would take your son overnight/weekend if she would drop him up?

lone parent allowance is 217.80, 188 personal rate and 29.80 for your son and if anyone thinks 29.80 keeps a child feed and with clothes and shoes....your crazy!

edit. if you go to court asking that a ruling be made that she has to drop him to you, this will not happen
could you ask a friend to drive you to collect your son and throw him the 4/5 euro for petrol, there has to be someone you can ask, a friend, workmate, housemate?

she dosent need to make an effort shes looking after your child 24 hours a day, i think thats effort enough

i see some of your point but yes i have from day one said i would look after him whenever she likes, and im sure my mates are sick and tired of me asking them to give me lifts even if it is for 5 or 10 euro. i wwould be up every week if i could to see him, its not by choice that i see him every two weeks thats jusr ridiculous.

MagicSean

MeerKat17 wrote: »

I think you've missed the point.... I take it you don't have kids, and most certainly are not a single parent?

No I think you have missed the point. It has nothing to do with the cost of raising the kids. It's simple maths. If the op gives her the thirty euro he would have spent traveling to and from his kid every fortnight in exchange for her dropping the kid over she would be about €50 better off per month.

Spudy67

Seanbeag1 wrote: »

I can see this getting very personal.

yes it is, but thats why i posted it in the first place, i knew i might not want to hear certain views but its better than having tunnell vision

MeerKat17

Seanbeag1 wrote: »

No I think you have missed the point. It has nothing to do with the cost of raising the kids. It's simple maths. If the op gives her the thirty euro he would have spent traveling to and from his kid every fortnight in exchange for her dropping the kid over she would be about €50 better off per month.

It has everything to do with the cost of raising kids. Anyway, I'm not debating this any further with you cause you're obviously trolling and haven't a clue about raising children.

OP, on a serious note though, if you are unmarried and your child is under 4 I don't think there's a whole lot you can do legally. A friend of mine is in a similar situation with her ex hubby, except she lives a 5 hour drive away from him and he wants her to bring the child to him once a month. As its a 5 hour drive, and she has work commitments and childcare costs to deal with she sought legal advice and was told that she by no means had to travel to drop off the child to his father, and she didn't necessarily have to let the child stay away from her over night as he is under 4 years old. She really wants the child's father in their son's life and but could not afford or had the time to make this journey at weekends like he wanted. But every circumstance is different, and I don't know your full circumstances.

I think most women would want the father of their child to be close to their child, and wouldn't want to intentionally keep them apart (I know there are always exceptions), but I genuinely think if you go out of your way to show her you are making an effort to see him and that you are doing your best (within reason), that she should be willing to compromise on her part. If this does not work after a reasonable amount of time, I'd then go for legal advice/action.

Spudy67

thanks for that meerkat17, deep down i thought thats what i would have to do so thanks for that

MagicSean

MeerKat17 wrote: »

It has everything to do with the cost of raising kids. Anyway, I'm not debating this any further with you cause you're obviously trolling and haven't a clue about raising children.

Seriously? You can't see it at all? You can't see how the mother would actually be financially better off?

shaztori

Hi. If a father pays maintenance every week and also has his son every weekend from Fri to Sunday but decides to take child for full week as feels in best interest child would he need to pay maintenance then???

Fromthetrees

Steps for self represented standard guardianship application

1.Firstly Identify which court you wish to have the court hearing in. This can be in the District Court in which you live or the District court in which the mother lives. See here
2. You will need to download and complete a notice of application to apply for guardianship in the court. The form needed is this one
3.This form needs to be completed and sent to the mother and the court office at least 21 days before the court hearing. The courts have a set of rules around a thing called “Service”. Service is the method you use to ensure the mother gets the notice into her hands. The best way to do this by far is to send the completed form by prepaid registered post. This can be done at any post office
4.After service, a second completed notice of application from, together with a statutory declaration as to service, must be lodged with the District Court clerk at least two days before the court hearing.
5.The form for the statutory declaration of service is here. You will need to have a peace commissioner also sign the statutory declaration. There should be no charge for this but some do charge a small amount (€3-€10) for the signature. Your local Garda (police) station should be able to give you the name and address of a Peace Commissioner in your area. Contact information for all Garda stations in Ireland is available here. If you fail to get the name of your local peace commissioner from the local garda station ring and request the names from the department of justice here: Phone: + 353 1 602-8202
6.You must also attend in court on the day to make your application.
7.Where the District Court makes an order under the Act, the court clerk will give, or send by ordinary post, a copy of the order made to each person in whose favour or against whom the order was made.
Copy and pasted from here http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056375463&page=2
Another good group http://menssupportgroupsofireland.com/
I personally have gotten a lot of advice from http://www.treoir.ie/contact-contact.php
ring them,
Op, if you're not working a full week then I don't see why you can't have your child over at nights, why not three nights a week?
Check here and ask more detailed questions if you wish

Unmarried and Separated Fathers Group
and here
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056372194

James Jones

AS the links in the post above did not copy, the post can be found HERE.