"Normal"

LegacyUser

I don't know if this is the appropriate place to add this but I'm going unreg anyway so the mods can decide.
I'm female -a late bloomer - and only recently become sexually active. I'm wondering if my boyfriend's behaviour is 'normal'...if other women could tell me how this compares to their experiences. I realise that whats normal for one person isn't for another and I have to judge myself but being inexperienced and 30 I need some advice/opinions.
He tends to touch me in the genital area a lot. I mean we could be watching tv and he seems to want to go for that area always. I enjoy it, its not a problem that way, but at the back of my mind somehow I feel like its an obsession for him. Maybe thats too strong a word. Early on in the relationship we were kissing outside (in a secluded area) and he tried to do the same. I know its what ever is right for me thats important but like I said there is something about this that sometimes makes me uneasy. Maybe he's not being affectionate enough...maybe thats the problem and if thats the case should I talk to him about it?

Otis Driftwood

How experienced is he?

Maybe its a case thats its actually a novelty for him having someone that lets him touch their fun parts and is like a child with a new toy so to speak.

If its making you uncomfortable or uneasy then you need to bring it up with him to be honest.If you are letting him do it whenever he wants then he probably thinks its grand,know when to draw the line.

trio

Well, it's more a matter of style, than whether it's "normal" or not.

When kissing passionately and "ramping up for some action", then yeah, you'd expect both parties hands to maybe head in that direction on each others bodies.

However if it's only a 1 second kiss and then immediate hand zooming downstairs? Not much finesse there. As a girl, I'd be like Woah Boy!

But if you'd been kissing for ages and it was getting hot 'n heavy? Then that's cool.

However, if I was watching TV, and he starts shoving his hand between my pants, I'd be a bit WTF? I mean, if he wanted to abandon TV and get passionate, there are more subtle ways of letting me know. A kiss on the neck or something, y'know?

And if he isn't really intending to get passionate, but is just doing it almost absentmindedly whilst watching TV - I'd possibly wonder if he should get some popcorn instead if he wanted to keep his hand busy!

If he really is zooming downstairs before you've had a chance to draw breath, then it may be a bit crude in terms of style, but it's not abnormal or anything. But you ALWAYS have to teach a lover what you like - and it's up to you to let him know if you prefer neck kisses, or back caresses, or suchlike - and for him to work up to the groin stuff, rather than charging in first thing.

It doesn't matter that you're 30 and haven't been doing this for long - your own personal tastes in a relationship are your own personal tastes; and whether you've had 100 lovers or 1 it doesn't make any difference.

beks101

I was with a guy who was a bit like this before actually. Like you, it wasn't confined to the bedroom, it could have been watching tv, random kissing in the kitchen etc. But was nearly always followed by more action. I found it a bit sexy, but then that's just me.

The question isn't really whether this is 'normal' or 'abnormal' to be honest - no two couples are the same. It's about how it makes you feel, and evidently it is making you a little uncomfortable so I would make that clear to your boyfriend. It doesn't have to turn into a big serious conversation, but tell him that it irritates you that he does it so casually and you'd prefer if the two of you could keep that as a part of foreplay in an appropriate setting, rather than just randomly whenever he feels like it. As someone else said, there may be a bit of a kid-in-a-candy-store thing going on with him, that definitely was the case with my ex.

LegacyUser

OP here. Thanks for the replies! Its good to know that its not an abnormal thing. I think I got an idea in my head about it and because its quite new to me (at least to that degree) it does seem a little weird to me. But maybe I just need to let go and not worry about it. I haven't had the healthiest ideas about sex (fear mainly, and a general catholic/irish guilt or whatever) I went for a few counselling sessions a couple of years ago which helped me see how I was thinking about the whole thing. I doubt myself a little now at times and worry that I'm just recycling old ideas that are really my mothers and not mine.
In fairness to him he has wanted to talk about sex and how I felt about it so I know he does sense this from me. I know I still have hangups. On the one hand I enjoy it and on the other hand old ideas creep in from time to time. Then to complicate matters, on one occasion when he had a good few drinks, he told me that there had been sexual abuse in his family (not to him) and so - that darkens the image of sex in my head all over again. I'm afraid to ask him about it because he doesn't seem to remember telling me and he didn't want to drag up the past at the time he told me. He's been a bit distant lately and I tried to drag it out of him about whats going on. I'm afraid he might be losing his patience with me. This is going deeper than I intended however. I guess I'll have to talk it out with him! Thanks for the replies, any more thoughts on anything I have mentioned here would be appreciated!

LegacyUser

A good lover will respond to how to respond to their touch, i.e. if you are breathing heavily and drawing yourself in to him then most men will start to takes things further, if you are not responding to his touch he should back off, if he doesn't back off then he is probably lacking in experience (or very inconsiderate which I hope he isn't!). Make sure you aren't sending him the wrong signals i.e. telling him (verbally or with your body) you're enjoying it if you are not and otherwise just be straight up with him and say you're enjoying it but you want to slow things down, most men like a woman to tell them what they like sexually, it's a learning curve for everyone.

Most of all, have fun!