Shifting

LegacyUser

im 19 years old and i have to say im the worst person when it comes to any type of relations with the opposite sex. Anywhere! i can count up the number of girls ive pulled on my fingers and im sure that some people have pulled more people in one night that ive pulled in my whole life. anyway for this thread im just really focusing on the whole getting the shift in a nightclub from a random person who is dancing nearby business that seems to revolve around every conversation, picture and sneer that i know of.

i love going out, having the crac with the lads, drinking, dancing, messing about the whole shebang but i can just never get a shift, ive seen friends chat up people at the bar and then disappear for the rest of the night, ive dance with friends for a few minutes only to turn around and see the getting more that just a shift in the corner. ive seen it all at this stage being a second year in a country college

all of my friends that i can think of, lads and girls are able to go out on any given night and pull a guy or a girl, or 2 or 3 of them even!

lads i meet up with that i dont see for ages are able to do it. i know some of them can be not the most attractive but they still manage it.

its become so apparent that even my close friends are talking about it. I seen in an old text two of my friends asking was i "making any progress with the women" and the second friend replied "ah he's getting there, we'll give him a hand " and so it by the rest of the convo it seems as if its a regular topic of discussion

i know life is not all about kissing people, your supposed to enjoy going out no matter what and girls like to meet people and so on, but shifting seems to be such a thing for my age i feel so left out. its not that i dont want to or that kissing isnt for me, it is! im just so amateur at it

last week i walked onto the dance floor following my friend, i watched him move up to a girl and dance for a few mins until she noticed he was there and next thing they went off to a corner and didn't come back for 20 minutes, i thought, right, im going to try do the same. after 5 mins i felt so over-whelmed i just left and bought myself a lonely pint

i don't know where i missed the boat on all this that seems to come second nature to everyone else

LegacyUser

Hmm, not sure if I can give you the advice you're after, but I can try and give you the girl's persepctive! As you said yourself, there's the 'dance next to her, ooh give her the eye, BAM get the shift' option, but it's not for everyone. I've seen lads do that to me and friends of mine so many times, but I'd never dream of doing that to get with a guy! I think that takes alot of confidence and if you don't have it, it's not easy. I wouldn't count myself as being super-shy but I'd never have the balls to just dance up to a guy and get the shift. What about talking to girls? Do you find it difficult to approach girls? Next time you're standing at the bar waiting to be served and there's a girl waiting next to you, see if you can imagine just starting up a conversation - even "Jayziz, packed in here tonight, will we ever get served blah blah blah", I know it sounds stupid but get chatting to a girl in a club and chances are it's leading to a shift, not to sound trashy!
One of the best places to talk to people/meeting people out IMO is the smoking garden/smoking area - even if you don't smoke, go out for some air and see if you get chatting to anyone. If you're with your mate and he gets off with some girl, see if HER mates have been left hanging about on her and go over for a chat - take the piss out of your respective mates who are getting the shift, and you could end up getting with one of them. As I said before, generally when you're in a nightclub and you end up chatting to a member of the opposite sex for longer than 5 minutes, it's probably a green light for the shift.
I don't know if that helps, I'm just thinking of situations that I've personally experienced! Being grabbed on the dancefloor by a lad who's just looking for the shift and doesn't even want to know your name isn't a turn-on for every girl, believe me.

In The Sticks

disheartened wrote: »

im 19 years old and i have to say im the worst person when it comes to any type of relations with the opposite sex. Anywhere! i can count up the number of girls ive pulled on my fingers and im sure that some people have pulled more people in one night that ive pulled in my whole life. anyway for this thread im just really focusing on the whole getting the shift in a nightclub from a random person who is dancing nearby business that seems to revolve around every conversation, picture and sneer that i know of.

i love going out, having the crac with the lads, drinking, dancing, messing about the whole shebang but i can just never get a shift, ive seen friends chat up people at the bar and then disappear for the rest of the night, ive dance with friends for a few minutes only to turn around and see the getting more that just a shift in the corner. ive seen it all at this stage being a second year in a country college

all of my friends that i can think of, lads and girls are able to go out on any given night and pull a guy or a girl, or 2 or 3 of them even!

lads i meet up with that i dont see for ages are able to do it. i know some of them can be not the most attractive but they still manage it.

its become so apparent that even my close friends are talking about it. I seen in an old text two of my friends asking was i "making any progress with the women" and the second friend replied "ah he's getting there, we'll give him a hand " and so it by the rest of the convo it seems as if its a regular topic of discussion

i know life is not all about kissing people, your supposed to enjoy going out no matter what and girls like to meet people and so on, but shifting seems to be such a thing for my age i feel so left out. its not that i dont want to or that kissing isnt for me, it is! im just so amateur at it

last week i walked onto the dance floor following my friend, i watched him move up to a girl and dance for a few mins until she noticed he was there and next thing they went off to a corner and didn't come back for 20 minutes, i thought, right, im going to try do the same. after 5 mins i felt so over-whelmed i just left and bought myself a lonely pint

i don't know where i missed the boat on all this that seems to come second nature to everyone else

Jesus will ya relax ffs, you are only 19, I was 19 a short time ago and I can tell ya most other guys your age feel the same, If they don't get the shift or the 'ride' then they are doomed. It's all a load of bs, If you adopt that attitude then you wont get anywhere, good things come to those who wait... ya just got to be patient.

lainey108

disheartened wrote: »

im 19 years old and i have to say im the worst person when it comes to any type of relations with the opposite sex. Anywhere! i can count up the number of girls ive pulled on my fingers and im sure that some people have pulled more people in one night that ive pulled in my whole life. anyway for this thread im just really focusing on the whole getting the shift in a nightclub from a random person who is dancing nearby business that seems to revolve around every conversation, picture and sneer that i know of.

i love going out, having the crac with the lads, drinking, dancing, messing about the whole shebang but i can just never get a shift, ive seen friends chat up people at the bar and then disappear for the rest of the night, ive dance with friends for a few minutes only to turn around and see the getting more that just a shift in the corner. ive seen it all at this stage being a second year in a country college

all of my friends that i can think of, lads and girls are able to go out on any given night and pull a guy or a girl, or 2 or 3 of them even!

lads i meet up with that i dont see for ages are able to do it. i know some of them can be not the most attractive but they still manage it.

its become so apparent that even my close friends are talking about it. I seen in an old text two of my friends asking was i "making any progress with the women" and the second friend replied "ah he's getting there, we'll give him a hand " and so it by the rest of the convo it seems as if its a regular topic of discussion

i know life is not all about kissing people, your supposed to enjoy going out no matter what and girls like to meet people and so on, but shifting seems to be such a thing for my age i feel so left out. its not that i dont want to or that kissing isnt for me, it is! im just so amateur at it

last week i walked onto the dance floor following my friend, i watched him move up to a girl and dance for a few mins until she noticed he was there and next thing they went off to a corner and didn't come back for 20 minutes, i thought, right, im going to try do the same. after 5 mins i felt so over-whelmed i just left and bought myself a lonely pint

i don't know where i missed the boat on all this that seems to come second nature to everyone else

why dont you try and just talk to them.
dont just spot them on the dance floor, go up and talk to a girl just a normal conversation, not a awww ur an angel fallen from the heavens and all just talk,get their number, text em,meet up maybe...

seriously i know from persoal experience if you go out desperate for the shift..your probably not going to get it1

relax , enjoy your night , your only 19 just have fun with your friends.

be out going-have confidence

tinkerbell

Well I can see why you're getting nowhere. You don't even try, you give up. And when you do try, no doubt you're giving off the signal that you want to get with a girl just for the sake of it. I mean whatever happened to kissing someone because you are ATTRACTED to them and not "oh I must get a kiss just for the sake of it". Seriously, cop onto yourself - you're 19 not 89. Talk to a girl, be normal, not like some dude being all up in her face on the dancefloor - it just gives off the signal that you're desperate. Some girls might like that but there are plenty who don't like random guys being in their face.

Alter-Ego

First of all, don't be going out with nothing on your mind but getting with women. It will show through and most women can smell desperation a mile away in a man and it's not attractive. Over thinking will be your downfall.

As a poster above has said, the smoking area of a nightclub/pub can be a lot easier for picking up women. It's quieter and often less packed. If you don't smoke you can pretend to be coming out for some air.

When you're approaching women don't use chat up lines or just walk up and introduce yourself like any other guy, it won't get you far unless you're very handsome and wearing a jacket made of fivers. Just start chatting about random crap, "did you see the bouncer throwing those two guys out" etc...
When you're talking to women in clubs the best way to get a good conversation going is to get a woman talking about herself or giving her opinions on things. People love to talk about themselves and give their opinions on this, that and the other. We're all extremely self centred at the end of the day.

The above are just some tips I've come to realise over the last few years. The most important this is to not overthink it. Also, try to shed any fear of rejection you have as it'll only drag you down and fill your taxi ride home with "Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda".

Miss Fluff

Ah I just love the word "shift", gives me a warm fuzzy feeling.

Back in the 18th century when Miss Fluff was a teenybopper, many a night out on the dancefloor was spent desperately trying to avoid the advances of horny young lads, such as your good self, who were out for the shift.

You need to change your tactics. Sounds like you're so eager to prove yourself to the lads and yourself that you're probably not spotting real opportunities and girls who might actually be interested in you.

Use your time AT THE BAR to start chatting to girls. Get talking and ask them if they fancy joining you on the dancefloor. After some banter and divilment move in for the kill.

Having a horny randomer lob the gob is not going to appeal to most women.

It will maybe if you're a). not at all fussy or b). if you've been at the parents drinks cabinet and you think that half a bottle of gin and half a bottle of Baileys means a great night out until you vomit/cry - i.e. someone seven sheets to the wind.

I wouldn't worry too much OP. You're only 19 and contrary to what you or your friends think, it's not a competition. It will happen in its own good time.

lace

Hi OP!

As other posters have said - "shifting" girls to impress your friends and going out with the sole intention of getting with a girl (or several) is really not the way to go.

You seem to think that the whole "shifting as many ramdomers as possible on the dancefloor" culture is a really big deal for people your age. I'm a person your age and I can tell you it's really not. I'll admit - there are a lot of people I know who do think that getting off with someone it of the utmost importance but I go to clubs with friends and classmates all the time who are not just out to "get the shift".

Your friends sound like the type of guys who get drunk, dance up to random girls on the dancefloor and go in for the kill.

Having many times been in the position of said random girl (victim for want of a better word) I can tell you that most women (myself included) do not take too kindly to this kind of approach. Anyone who sidles up to me in such a manner is promptly (and not always politely) told where to go.

Most guys who want to bump into some randomer on the dancefloor and "get the shift" just look for girls who are very drunk as they're more likely to have the inhibition to do it. I really don't think that's the best way to go about it. I do not recommend taking advantage of drunken girls.

Firstly - going out kissing people because you're attracted to them and it's a bit of fun is one thing but going out hoping to kiss any ramdomer at all just to impress your friends will seem a little desperate.

My advice is to talk to some girls in the smoking area or at the bar. Just have a chat - don't go in there with the intention of going for it because we women can see that coming.

Relax, have fun and enjoy talking and having the craic. If one likes you you'll probably be able to tell - she'll be looking at you a lot, she'll have a comfortable stance (arms unfolded, body turned towards you, touching/tapping you on the arm etc.). If you're both getting on and are attracted to one another just lean in and if she leans too - BAM - you've got a kiss without seeming desperate on the dancefloor!

Try not to take the jibing to heart OP. It's really not as big a deal as your friends make it out to be.