Fruit Based Erotic Novel

puffin24

All comments welcome, please enjoy chapter one. Its tasty.

Chapter One: Forbidden Fruit:
Lady Fanny Flangington lazed about her empty manor like some kind of lonely grapefruit. It had been 2 long years since her husband went to war against those wiley Zulus and her womanly urges were getting the best of her (as they do)
As she went to tuck into her second peach of the day, she heard a knock at the door. She answered and saw something much more appetising than a peach. There before her stood Jacob Girth, the new (very black) stable hand.
“Yes Jacob, what do you need?” She uttered, squeezing her peach with lust.
“Why, um, miss, ah just need a drink of orange juice, cuz its so hot” He replied, his eyes looking all up on her grill.
“Yes, it is hot” She groaned in response.
“Uh, yea, thats what I said” He moaned back.
“Are you sure orange juice will help? Are you sure you don’t want to try my peach?” She asked.
“Why Id love to try your peach” He replied.
They weren’t talking about fruit any more. He gazed into her eyes, which were as green as those green grapes, the seedless ones. She looked back at his face, black as the crud inside fig rolls, figs I think.
He peeled her clothes off like a banana.
“Ah is gonna give you more holes than a coconut Miss Fanny” He whispered sweetly.
“Oh Jacob, caress my melons!” Fanny cried.

puffin24

The following is hard-core, not for those with nervous bowels. Enjoy! Let me know if you have any tips.....

Sargent Remmington Cocksure- Flangington surveyed the corpse of his horse through gritted teeth. He knew the animal wouldnt last the distance and as a result he refused to give the beast a name until his return to Flangington Estate.

With buttocks as brused as an abused banana the Sargents thoughts turned to his home coming after two long years fighting the "coloured folks" of Zulululu Land. There Fanny was waiting like a mature ripe busty rhubarb, no doubt longing for his return.

But war had hardend this man and his member, with only his horses to keep him company during the long cold nights he promised himself one thing during the fighting, he was gonna get freaky with Fanny, Zulu freaky! It had indeed been a tough ride for both man and horse but no where near as rough or super freaky as Fanny was gonna get it.

Like an indifferent pistachio, Remmington once more violated the now hours-dead horse, gathered his gear and headed home.

puffin24

No comments eh? Well thats just fine. Put this in your hat and smoke it. Or wear it. Whichever is more comfortable for you...

Fanny and jacob held each other in a deep embrace, like the last apple on a tree clinging on to its fruity life. They gazed into each others eyes with a look of closeness and just a hint of - oh-dear-god-this-is-one-kinky-ass-crazy-mo-fo. Their naked bodies glistened like the top of a well made pineapple turnover.
"Oh Jacob" Fanny moaned, like a winey grape, " I cant believe what we just did. Im married, and my husband has been off bravely fighting the zulu folk. Ive betrayed him like a backstabbing apricot."
"No fanny, dont say that" Jacob gasped
"I am" Fanny cried "Im a backstabbing apricot and nothing is going to change that fact"
Fanny arose, and walked to the window, her peachy ass out there for everyone and their dog to see. As she gazed out onto her and Remmingtons expanding fruit estate she began to wonder what Remmington was doing now. Killing a Zululu? Laughing with a friend about an interesting bodily noise he just made as he so loved to do? Seductively eating an orange and letting its juicy goodness drip all over his glistening pecs as he danced around in hotpants to Wham hits? No, that was unlikely. But she wondered. Was he even alive? Could it be that her beloved Remmington had been blasted into kingdom come by a mental Zululu? If he was, she would have to move on. She would get the whole fruit estate. That Del Monte guy could go suck a nut- she would be the biggest fruit baron in the country. She turned to Jacob, who was scratching a certain part of his body because he thought she wasnt looking. She stared at him.
"Not a bad looking chap" She thought. "Missing a few pips between the ears, but that might be useful. I could make him my sexy cabana boy."
Jacob stopped scratching. "What you looking at miss?" he stuttered.
"Jacob, I have a proposal for you" She smiled.
Just then, Fanny heard an almighty bang, like a melon being dropped on a chihuahua. She ran to the doorway and peeked out. There stood a man, dumping the body of what appeared to be a dead molested horse in a ditch. She looked closer. Underneath all that dirt, hair and probable animal fluids was her husband. Remmington had returned.

me-skywalker

Lollity I don't knwo if yoru serious or not which makes me worry... very much...

RedXIV

puffin24 wrote: »

Just then, Fanny heard an almighty bang, like a melon being dropped on a chihuahua. She ran to the doorway and peeked out. There stood a man, dumping the body of what appeared to be a dead molested horse in a ditch. She looked closer. Underneath all that dirt, hair and probable animal fluids was her husband. Remmington had returned.

Possibly the greatest paragraph I've read in a while well done

Scarydoll

Can't wait for chapter four.

puffin24

For your viewing pleasure, please enjoy chapter 4. Parental guidance recommended. Its mad duurrty. And yes I am being serious, what a strange statement, dont know how you would assume anything but! And thank you re my dead horse paragraph. The creative juices were flowing that day. Anyway, enough chit-chat...enjoy!

Remmington looked up at the front of his house, gleaming in the sunlight like a tropical fruit based cocktail, most likely a sex on the beach. "Hmmm.." He thought. "Sex on the beach, that reminds me of something. Ah- yes- intercourse. Where is that ripe young wife of mine? "
A look of sheer animal lust came over Remmingtons face, like what peoples faces do be doing when you would be looking at some kind of trifle with fruit at the bottom and such. He needed to find fanny- NOW!
He ran inside, "Fanny! Fanny! Where is my fanny!" he roared. He barged into the livingroom. He stopped in shock. There stood his wife. She was completely naked apart from two half peaches covering her boobage and skin of an orange arranged into some kind of crude thong. A big black man stood beside her with his manhood crammed into a banana (a large banana)
"Remmy!" His wife cried, and ran over to him. She gave him a big hug and in the process, lost a peach.
"Ahem, " Remington muttered; "Why are you dressed like this, and who is this man?"
"Erm, eh" Fanny struggled.
"Why, I is Fannys fitness instructor. We is trying a new technique called sexfruiterobics." Jacob piped up.
"Sexfruiterobics!?" Remmington shouted.
"Yes, you wear fruit on your vital bits and jump up and down until you pound all the juices out of the fruit." jacob responded confidently.
"But where does the sex part come into the name?" Remmington argued.
"Well uh, I Think its greek for exercise or something. Banana?" Jacob offered.
Remmington gazed at the banana in the black mans hand. He got a flash back to the Zululus. he remembered one in particular. His name was ??WW% (pronounced Potingk) ??WW% was a tall fellow, naked, naturally and was blessed with a considerably large doodad. Remmington remembered how it used to mesermerise him, swinging back and forward like some kind of sex- pendulum. jacob reminded him of ??WW% and some familiar feelings returned to Remmington.
"Uh,," Remmington struggled to contain the fruit cake that was beginning to rise in the hot oven of his pants. "Yes,, yes, that all sounds plausible. Come, fanny. I have a fitness routine of my own to put you through. Get upstairs and, uh, leave the fruit on"
Jacob stared sadly as he watched the woman whos melons he just fondled ran up the stairs with another man. His banana underpants fell to the ground with a thump.

smcgiff

AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH why am I liking this!!!

:D:D

puffin24

Fanny awoke with a start- phew- Remmington was still unaware about her delicious affair with the young ripe Jacob. She looked beside her in the bed, remmington looked as though he was having a wonderful dream about fruit, as he was mimimg putting what appeared to be a banana in and out of his mouth. Sweet. Fanny was happy to have him back, despite his unusual sexual practices the night before. He had appeared to pick up some new strange habits- namely painting her head to toe in black paint, having her strap a very very large banana onto her undercarriage and beat him with a barrage of coconuts. Not that she didnt enjoy the break, having just had her peachy womanness squeezed to within an inch of her life a few minutes before.
And yet, she couldnt help think that the timing of Remmingtons return couldnt be worse. She had become used to the idea that her husband was dead and that her and Jacob would be doing the sweet and nasty all over the fruit estate for the rest of her life. She had a mental fantasy (like those sex pages in the Star where the whole object of the problem is to just take a photo of a woman- or two- with her top off) of Jacob carressing her melons, and nibbling on her buttocks like a big ripe watermelon- not that it was that big, of course.
A thought entered her mind- would it be possible...no..thats madness...could she....if she could somehow get rid of Remmington again, the whole plan could be back on track. But could she kill her own husband? She turned and looked at him. He was snoring quite loudly now and had dribbled all over her 1000 thread count egyptian cotton bed sheets. Yes. She could. But she would need help. She thought back to that other thick -as- a -smoothie- with- too- much- greek- yoghurt- man in her life- Jacob. She was sure she could use her jiggly girl bits to convince him to assist her. Yes, yes, thats what she would do. She walked over to her husband and sat on the bed beside him. She stroked his head. "Soon your time will come and this whole estate will be mine" she whispered. She shoved a small strawberry up his right nostril and walked off with a smile.

ThePinkCage

Ah come on. It's about fruit and sex - you couldn't ask for a more winning combination. I've always felt the erotic power of fruit is much underestimated. Rollicking fun.

Six of One

Do you know Paidraiggg?!!

smcgiff

Six of One wrote: »

Do you know Paidraiggg?!!

In what way - As in Bannana knowledge of each other?

puffin24

Im glad to see that other people find fruit as erotic as I do. Apples are fecking schweet like. And though I am familiar with Padraiggg's work, we have not been intimate in any way. Unfortunately. I think I would like to share a smoothie with him. Yea... anyway, the sexually charged adventure continues.....

Remmington awoke with a start. "Guh" was the first thought that entered his head as he sneezed and a strawberry flew out and smushed against the mirrored ceiling. "I dont remember putting strawberries in my orafices, I guess I must have"
He rolled out of bed and dragged his hairy arse to the bathroom. He lifted the seat of the toilet seat and unrolled his massive manhood and drained it of its smoothie like goodness. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (it went on for a while) He then went on to leave a stinky melon in the bowl and brushed his teeth.
As he walked around his bungalow sized bedroom he thought how lucky he was. A huge fruit estate, a wife with a cracking pair and yet, he felt there was something missing. Yes, they had made crazy, banana busting, tangerine exploding cumquat coming love the night before, but he just didnt feel satisfied. There was something missing. "NO" he thought, "I must push these thoughts out" But he couldnt get rid of the thoughts....the .......memories.........(misty flashback)........
War was a tough time for Remmington. Guns blasting, Zululus up the ying yang, men bunking in cramped quarters with barely enough room to swing your lad. This was where Remmington first met Potink. He was outside his tent picking bananas one sweaty day when he heard a noise in the bushes. "Who goes there? Im not afraid you know" Remmington shouted while dropping a small bunch of grapes in his underpants.
Remmington heared another rustle. He stared in awe as a 6 ft 7 naked black man stood up in the bushes and looked back at him. There was now a vineyard in his underpants. "Uh, uh, keep back I say, I'll....I'll.. shoot" he whispered, his voice cracking.
"I will not hurt you" The large man boomed.
"You speak english?" Remmington asked in shock
"Well, yes, you guys have been here for f**king ages, I was bound to pick it up eventually" the man responded.
"Why are you here?" Remmington questioned, noticing the mans glistening pecs with the sunlight dancing on his chest as though he was coated in delicious orange juice.
"Im here..for you" The man responded, and lunged at Remmington, dragging him off into the wilderness.
...............
Remmington shook himself and he was back in his bedroom, with one hell of a pole in his jocks. He strolled over to the window and looked out. There stood his wife and the new stable boy, chatting in the orchard. And then, as he watched, he saw the stable hand lean over and kiss his beloved on the mouth. A long, tender, juicy kiss. Remmington could feel the blood boil in his veins. He looked around his room and found his trusty musket. In that instant, he had made his mind up. The stable hand would die.

annascott

Sorry, you lost me at 'lonely grapefruit...'

Scuid Mhór

puffin24 wrote: »

The following is hard-core, not for those with nervous bowels

don't you mean nervous fruit bowls???

IsMiseLisa

Well, this is the greatest story ever committed to words.

LegacyUser

Puffin 24 your work is just fantastic, all my fruity juices are hotting up reading this. Lets go into business together.

puffin24

Thank you for all the nice comments, I am aware of semi berry productions fine work, and would be happy to work on a collaboration project. Do get in touch.
For all those keeping track of the story, stuffs gonna get messy and thang. You know! Enjoy...

Fanny stared into Jacobs eyes. It was hot out in the orchard and she could feel his massive fruit and nut bar begin to press up against her. She longed for his body, but before she could even say "Whip it out ya mong" she could hear someone shouting random curse words. She looked up and saw Remmington running like a not yet set fruit jelly. He held his musket in his hand. Fannys heart leaped into her mouth. Remmington knew her delicious secret.
Jacob grapped Fannys hand and they ran. They raced through the orchard, with fruit falling all around them. Remmington fired his musket, narrowly missing Fannys arse. They heard him stop to reload his massive weapon and they ran even faster. As they turned a corner, they came across an abandoned fruit loading warehouse. They rushed inside. As Fanny looked around, she spotted a cellar door in the floor.
"Jacob, quickly!" Fanny gasped.
Jacob looked confused but started to take his pants off.
"No you f**cking idiot, get in the bloody cellar!" Fanny shouted.
Jacob embarrassingly zipped up his pants and pulled up the heavy cellar door. They clambered down the dark staircase that lead to the fruit cellar and quietly closed the door behind them. They listened in silence.
A moment later they heard Remmingtons footsteps rush past the warehouse. They breathed a sigh of relief, until a few seconds later they heard him return. He stomped into the warehouse. He shouted:
"I know youre in here! Come out now, and I promise I wont hurt you"
Fanny had to hold Jacob back from opening the cellar door. "No!" She whispered, "Hes lying! He'll kill us!"
"Come out Jacob you bast**d! Ill kill you just like I killed him!" Remmington shouted.
Fanny looked confused. She heard her husband sit down and begin to sob like giant wussy baby. It didnt do much for her mojo. "Killed who?" She wondered.
A few minutes later, they heard Remmington leave the warehouse, and when Fanny thought the coast was clear, they climbed out.
Fanny sat down in the warehouse and thought about what she had done. She had lost it all. There was no winning Remmington back now, he was as stubborn as a strawberry and once his mind was made up- that was it. She could kiss goodbye to the estate and to the dream of taking it over once Remmington was usurped by Jacob.
And then suddenly a thought entered her mind. Why did she have to abandon the plan? She could still make Jacob pluck Remmington from the orchard of life, she would just have to speed her plan up. She looked over at Jacob and his fine muscular body as he picked rotten oranges out of his underwear (he had fallen in the cellar) All she needed was to convince Jacob, that would be easy. Yes, Remmington would be dead before the morning.

smcgiff

The last post was a little too tomato for my liking - not fruity enough