Breaking the cycle...

LegacyUser

So here I am somewhat content and somewhat lost, I'll try and make this post as much to the point as possible.

I was involved long term for over eight years and it ended badly not my doing by the way but I made the decision to finish it and never looked back.
Then met another girl who I fell for very quickly and her for me but it didn't last, to say I got hurt is an understatement. I'm at the point where I can actually admit that now
So I decided after that to take some time out for myself and concentrate on me for a change. That was over two years ago and I've managed to avoid anything even resembling a relationship.
Its been a rollercoaster but I have accomplished more than I ever thought possible and met some amazing people in the process.
I have seen many different ladies and from the get go I was always honest that I wasn't interested or in the market for a relationship, basically I stopped anybody who even tried to get close to me in their tracks.
I know I have a lot going for me, people/friends have told me that I am a "good catch". I'm told I'm a good looking guy with a fantastic personality, well grounded, independent, with a decent head on me. I make everybody laugh and those who need to be helped up I do what I can to help. I know I can't continue to shut every girl down but to be honest I think my single time was needed and everyday is a learning day. I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, maybe somebody who can identify where I'm coming from and how they overcame it or maybe I'm over thinking and I just haven't met the next girl to knock me on my ass (in a good way)
Part of me would love the dream life but I would never settle again until it feels right to me. Single life has its pluses and minus points but I'm thinking at 30 it may be time I started to give somebody a chance. Trouble is I just can't break the cycle I'm in...any comments welcome

Devon Brown

Instead of telling potential dating partners that you are not interested in a relationship, well, don't say that.
It is great that you decided to focus on yourself and make yourself happy. That is the biggest thing. Now, when you date, you aren't looking for someone to "complete" you, but rather someone who can bring additional enjoyment to you and your life.

I think it is as easy as just saying to yourself you are available for the right opportunity. Saying it to yourself will keep you from subconsciously sabotaging anything early on.

You'll be fine. There is no set timeframe for any relationship starting. Just keep doing your thing. As long as you keep your options open.

Good luck.

Devon Brown

Instead of telling potential dating partners that you are not interested in a relationship, well, don't say that.
It is great that you decided to focus on yourself and make yourself happy. That is the biggest thing. Now, when you date, you aren't looking for someone to "complete" you, but rather someone who can bring additional enjoyment to you and your life.

I think it is as easy as just saying to yourself you are available for the right opportunity. Saying it to yourself will keep you from subconsciously sabotaging anything early on.

You'll be fine. There is no set timeframe for any relationship starting. Just keep doing your thing. As long as you keep your options open.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

You came out of a long relationship and have spent the last 2 years learning about yourself which is a good thing to do - it shows some maturity which a lot of people lack.
When you met some one don't say I don't want a relationship as you could be letting go of someone who you could be special.
I was let down by men in the past. I felt that every man I met just saw me as a friend or **** buddy due to a few bad experiences. I would not let my guard down when meting some new which could resulted in a long term relationship. I am now on my own in my late 30's.
I have gone to so many events on my own over the last 10 years. I wish I could turn back time as I might now be with someone special.
Don't do what I have done because it hard to be alone in a world of couples.

Distorted

From a female point of view, to me you sound less of a good catch and more self-centred and not a tad too pleased with yourself. That to me screams risky and likely to hurt people. You'd be wary of feeling you were constantly judged as to whether you are likely to comply with what you are looking for. Personally I prefer open minded people who give love a chance rather than having some kind of agenda of living the perfect life and finding someone who will fulfill a role for them, rather than just being a person with all their faults and quirks.

Being single for two years isn't exactly that unusual. I know loads of guys like that because they haven't met the right person or area away with work.

You probably can't break the cycle because you've become set in your ways as a single guy. Why don't you want to remain single if you are happy like that? Theres no rule that you have to conform to some pattern. Being in a relationship with someone is about compromises and giving up being selfish, if you can't do that, then any relationship you are in is going to go wrong.

Warm Panda Cola

Hi,

I don't think you're really in 'cycle' persay, I think you enjoy the single life and what it entails, but you're telling yourself that you are in one to maybe make yourself feel a bit better about yourself? 'Oh it's not me just going from girl to girl, it's a pattern I'm in that I can't break'

I hope this isn't too harsh, but from your description etc, it sounds like you might have done a good bit of hurting in your time as well. You also seem to be using the old nutshell of 'age, hadn't I better settle down' simple answer to that: no, not until you meet the right person!! Why don't you relax about it a bit?