Got dumped

LegacyUser

Hey,

my boyfriend of two years is going away for work from September to next April and in March of this year he decided that it would be good for us to have a break in that time. He'll be home for Christmas and such but is very nervous about traveling to this place. He said he wants time apart before he goes and so we broke up yesterday. I'm a wreck. He is telling his friends we're on a break rather than anything else, but i can't help but feel completely rejected. I love this guy so much and there is so much stuff in my room that is reminding me of him.

Woke up this morning crying. I know it's been less than 24 hours but i honestly don't know how I'm going to deal with this. He says i'm his best friend and wants us to be friends while he's still away and that if we're both up for getting back together in April he'll want to give it another shot. In many ways I want the break too, and I don't think I could do the long distance thing... But i just feel ****.

I've had other break ups, but this one so far is making me feel like crap. I don't know how to go on living my life normally and knowing that I'm pretty much dying inside... If that doesn't sound too teenagery. I've to work today and I just feel like I can't face it

LegacyUser

Hey im just going through something similar. My gf pulled out the break thing a few weeks bad. I agreed initially but then decided i didnt want to be in limbo, so i ended it properly.

My advice would be to get a box and put anything that reminds you of him into the box and then put it away somewhere. You can deal with the contents when your feeling better.

I was really down for a week or two but its true the pain does start to ease. Go to work. Absolutely no point in sitting at home feeling crap at least work will distract you.

squonk

Hi OP. Very sorry to hear you're feeling so bad at the moment.

I'm not impressed with your ex though. He sounds very selfish and I think you can do much better. He's only going away for just over 6 months. That's not very long and you could certainly carry on long distance while that's happening, it'd be hard but could be done.

He decided 6 months ahead that he wanted to break up. He also says that when he comes back he might want to try again. Frankly, that's utter rubbish. What he's saying is 'Oh I need a bit of freedom now because I'm not sure about you but after my year of messing around it'd be great if you were still around just in case I've nothing better to move on to'. Now, OP, do you really want to be this guy's hedged bet?

Let go! Clear that room of all of his stuff and do your own thing. the best feeling of satisfaction you could have is if he does come back after travelling wanting to take up things again, telling him 'sorry, but no thanks, I've got someone great in my life at the moment'.

Don't be crying and wasting your time and energy on this idiot. He's not worth it. Honetly!

Wompa1

Agree with the other two posts. The guy is a coward. I went through the break thing and it turned out to be a complete sham, she was going over to London to get her rocks off with someone else she'd been with a few times while we were together and wanted to decide who she preferred.

Sorry for your pain

Virgil°

I don't think i'll ever understand why someone who wants a relationship with another would EVER agree to give their partner what is essentially free reign to go of and f**k whoever they please while thinking that they'll just magically rejoin once the long distance is over.
I dunno why people think its a good idea,I've genuinely never seen it work.

OP its just my opinion that if he wanted the relationship to survive he'd at least be willing to try the long distance thing before ending the relationship.
Sorry.

lazygal

I think a "break" is bullcrap. Its something people say to either
A) hedge their bets in case they don't meet anyone
make them feel better because they haven't had to "really" have the breakup talk

TBH I'd be letting him go, OP, plenty more fish and all that.

Devon Brown

I agree that he sounds like he is hedging his bets. The best thing for you to do is focus on yourself. Be a little selfish. Do the things you want to do. Date other guys if you want. If he wants this, make it no contact until he comes back.
No one is worth beating yourself up like this. Be strong and confident in yourself.

Good luck.

Vicxas

Breaks never work, he just doesnt want to cheat on you when he goes away, Maybe a breakup will give you the closure you need.

LegacyUser

Tell him that you are no longer a couple. Let him know that if he wants to meet someone else he can do so but you are not putting your life on hold when he moves away.
When he comes back you will not be there with open arms. His option of you being available at a later date is not happening.
He reminds me of guy I was friendly with. He came to a event with me and I was expecting him to ask me to a social event.
We met up before this event and he wanted to sleep with me ( a **** buddy only) but I wanted a relationship so I did not sleep with him. He did not ask me to this event but the girl he asked told him to **** off when he asked her to sleep with him.

I am a friend

OP, you need to take back some control here. Why are you letting him call the shots. Tell him its finished and then stay away from him. He will be back snivelling but do you really want someone who disrespects you liek that? You deserve more.

lainey108

he is just using the "brake" as a way of keeping his options opne. if while he is away he meets another girl he wont have to feel bad for it because you and him are not an item. but if he doesnt meet anybody while away he can come back safe in the knwledge that your waiting for him, hence why he wants to keep in touch. if when he comes back ye start going out again could you ever completely trust that he didnt see anybody while away??.. if he tells you he did have like a fling with a girl away..how do you know it was just a fling?? and would you spend your time worrying about this other girl?? i think things happen for a reason maybe your going to meet some one while he is away, maybe it will open your options to new things?? dont be so upset its not completely over just yet