I told the folks last night...

i_steal_sheep

Sat them down and just told it straight - as it was (pardon the pun). Mam could not have been more supportive ... Dad completely different story. Lead balloon.
Apparently I can just change back - just like that. Give myself a proper chance at 'being straight'. Probably the shock of it and all( me being 29 and them not having a bloody clue this was coming...). I feel like absolute sh1te today :-/

ronaneire

i_steal_sheep wrote: »

Sat them down and just told it straight - as it was (pardon the pun). Mam could not have been more supportive ... Dad completely different story. Lead balloon.
Apparently I can just change back - just like that. Give myself a proper chance at 'being straight'. Probably the shock of it and all( me being 29 and them not having a bloody clue this was coming...). I feel like absolute sh1te today :-/

Good on ya. Chin up and well done. I'm sure he will come around.

Daith

Well done!

L.Jenkins

Quite an unnerving experience in the height of it, but in time things will improve, the stress and anxiety that it brings will disapate, you trust me, you will feel much better about it. That being said, you also have to be proactive and, go and make it better too.

baby and crumble

Well done for telling your folks, it's not easy at all.

I know it seems pants right now, but it'll get better. You have a great ally in your Mum, it seems, and you'd be surprised how much talking around the two of them will do. Parents are very resilient.

Just keep the lines of communication as open as you can, and maybe chat to your mum 1-1 about it. She might be able to give you some insight into what your Dad is thinking. I thought for years my Dad was really disappointed in me being gay, until my Mum turned around and told me that he was really proud of me for having the courage to live my life openly and the way I am. He'd NEVER have told me that himself, so you never know.

Benburb Dog

I agree with all of the above. Enventually your dad will stop thinking about the gay part of your life and see the complete picture. Afterall, it is only a fraction of who you are. The best revenge is a life well lived.

So go on living your life, make your parents proud and fall in love. For some inspiration see:

http://www.itgetsbetter.org/

Conor30

Well done - it can be an extremely hard thing to do, as we don't all have easy-going, liberal parents. My attempt at coming out to my parents 10 years ago was terrible and quite traumatic for me.

You don't still live at home, do you? If so, that could make things a bit awkward for the moment.

It's very courageous to tell your parents though. Some never come out to them and some even marry the opposite sex in spite of everything!

i_steal_sheep wrote: »

Sat them down and just told it straight - as it was (pardon the pun). Mam could not have been more supportive ... Dad completely different story. Lead balloon.
Apparently I can just change back - just like that. Give myself a proper chance at 'being straight'. Probably the shock of it and all( me being 29 and them not having a bloody clue this was coming...). I feel like absolute sh1te today :-/

brokenice

i_steal_sheep wrote: »

Sat them down and just told it straight - as it was (pardon the pun). Mam could not have been more supportive ... Dad completely different story. Lead balloon.
Apparently I can just change back - just like that. Give myself a proper chance at 'being straight'. Probably the shock of it and all( me being 29 and them not having a bloody clue this was coming...). I feel like absolute sh1te today :-/

good for you! mine's reactions were the opposite, mam (who i was expecting to be cool) was completely like "say whaaaaaaaaa!" and dad was fine with it from the word go! it'll be another few month before things go back to normal but it's so much easier now you told them and the most important thing now is that you can move on with your life!

Printemps93

Well Done !

They'll come round I'm sure in time , at least you have one parent on side ,getting the other to come round will be easier with mum on side

cgcsb

maybe just wait till the air settles a bit and then have a chat with him. I'm sure he didn't really mean to hurt you. He probably just didn't put that much thought into it. I'm male(not sure about yourself). But I was always closer to my dad than my mum, so I got a beer into him(and me) before I told him, it was really ok, he was shocked but he's fine with it.

i_steal_sheep

cgcsb wrote: »

maybe just wait till the air settles a bit and then have a chat with him. I'm sure he didn't really mean to hurt you. He probably just didn't put that much thought into it. I'm male(not sure about yourself). But I was always closer to my dad than my mum, so I got a beer into him(and me) before I told him, it was really ok, he was shocked but he's fine with it.

Cheers for all replies. Well that's the weekend over now anyway. I suppose just to add a bit more detail to the whole situation. I was always closer to my dad - peas in a pod etc. When I told him - his initial reaction was that it could be changed and, yeah, I guess that's shock and all that talking. And I can handle all of that because I'd prepared myself for that kind of reaction. But since then he has been a great support and we are trying our best to carry on... The problem is that he is blaming himself and he seems to think that it is something that he has done wrong or that there is something he should have done differently. My folks are of a generation previous to mine and a product of a strict Catholic upbringing and for that I respect them I guess. My dad is angry - but not with me. He does not even seem to have a problem with me - he just continually blames himself and god for doing this to him again - the final blow as he says (my only brother (younger) passed away a few years ago). There is now no heir to the throne as such and this is what he seems to be most upset about. He has told me he sees no future in anything anymore. Wouldn't it just be easier if he just got mad with me instead!!!

ninty9er

i_steal_sheep wrote: »

There is now no heir to the throne as such and this is what he seems to be most upset about. He has told me he sees no future in anything anymore. Wouldn't it just be easier if he just got mad with me instead!!!

It's different for your dad having lost a son, but he hasn't lost you and you need to let him know that. My dad's never spoken to me about being gay, but has asked my mam to do it, and I'm happy enough with that. We have the same relationship as we did before I told them I'm gay, it's changed nothing.

On the other hand it took me so long because I'm an only child and eldest grandchild on one side of the family and there's a bigger adjustment than if I had a brother or sister to have the grandkids or whatever, but my friends have been brilliant on that score giving the whole adoption option a big positive, even if it isn't currently possible for a gay couple, it will be and my parents get this too.

I've really seen no requirement to discuss why or how I'm gay as I don't owe it to anyone. That sounds selfish, but it's the truth. There isn't a how or why any more than there's a how or why to being straight or black or female.

lovebug

Dude it was kinda quite the opposite for me.. My dad has been the more supportive one... My mum never talks about it! Everyone is different, you just gotta be there for your dad. This is a whole new thing to him... No parent ever expects it.

df1985

Fair play, ive full respect for anyone that comes out to their parents. I never had to cross that hurdle (both deceased) and then just couldnt do it to my mam after my dad died. (only child, keep the family name going and all that stuff).

Well done.

checkcheek

i_steal_sheep wrote: »

Cheers for all replies. Well that's the weekend over now anyway. I suppose just to add a bit more detail to the whole situation. I was always closer to my dad - peas in a pod etc. When I told him - his initial reaction was that it could be changed and, yeah, I guess that's shock and all that talking. And I can handle all of that because I'd prepared myself for that kind of reaction. But since then he has been a great support and we are trying our best to carry on... The problem is that he is blaming himself and he seems to think that it is something that he has done wrong or that there is something he should have done differently. My folks are of a generation previous to mine and a product of a strict Catholic upbringing and for that I respect them I guess. My dad is angry - but not with me. He does not even seem to have a problem with me - he just continually blames himself and god for doing this to him again - the final blow as he says (my only brother (younger) passed away a few years ago). There is now no heir to the throne as such and this is what he seems to be most upset about. He has told me he sees no future in anything anymore. Wouldn't it just be easier if he just got mad with me instead!!!

But these days there are so manny ways to have a child!!!

i_steal_sheep

Time for an update on this? I just want to say that this is the best thing that I have ever done. Sure, the early days were some of the toughest days I have ever put in. And I felt so guilty for the upset that I was putting my dad through. We sat down one evening and he cried in my arms for, what felt like forever. We talked it all out together and now I don't feel ashamed to say that life has never been better. My folks treat me no differnently but they can see that there has been a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders and as my Dad negotiates his own way around it, we are closer than ever. The bond has been strenghtened. Now, he wont chat about 'lads' yet - but we are getting there :-) Life is good. Cheers for all your replies. GRMA

Sonics2k

Fantastic news OP.

Great to hear it's working out

i_steal_sheep

Hi all, is it a little odd that I still haven't had the courage to sit down and tell my older sister the story yet? My mates all think this is completely odd:D The folks seem the finest with how things are but there has never been an occasion, as such, to tell my sis. I'd like her to know and even though it may appear otherwise - we are actually very close...

Cheers all :-)

floggg

Is it that you never had the chance or that you have avoided the issue? It's not weird - it can be tough to tell people and the more they mean to you the harder it tends to be.

It took me a fair while to tell my Dad after telling the rest of the family - about 3 or 4 months. Partly because I could never find the right time, partly because I made it a bigger deal than it needed to be. I imagined it being a massive deal and it taking him some time to accept.

I hadn't given him half enough credit. In the end, it was a 5 minute conversation, he hugged me at the end and said whatever made me happy was fine by him. I

i_steal_sheep

floggg wrote: »

Is it that you never had the chance or that you have avoided the issue? It's not weird - it can be tough to tell people and the more they mean to you the harder it tends to be.

Probably a little bit of both...

DazMarz

Hey, as someone who has just recently come out too, I had tears in my eyes reading your story! It's amazing how well it can go.

I'm gone the opposite way tho: I've told most of my really close friends, but I've not told any of my family. My friends have just been so, so awesome. Not one of them had any way of a negative reaction. They've all been so supportive and great. I only wish everyone could have such good friends, tbh.

But I really take heart from your story. Congratulations, OP. Delighted for you!!!