When is waiting for an ex a wait too long??

LegacyUser

Myself and ex finished properly over 2 months ago, I really really miss her, she is my template, gorgeous, funny, sensitive and just really cool...we are both early 30s, (went out for 6 months) I am doing lots to keep busy..Dates, runs, gym, work etc, I even got the ex2 system (for nothing online) my question is if I am still into her, is it bad karma or manners to keep going on dates..I have no problem meeting new girls, (not being cocky just telling the truth) Am I a bas_tard for going out on dates etc when I would swap my ex for them in a heartbeat!! I feel bad sometimes but that shouldnt mean i should wallow on my own should it?? Thanks..

fits

Ha I'm the same only other side of the coin. Couple of fellows chasing me at the moment and I'm not exactly sure what to do. I suppose the fact that I'm not exactly available (in my head) is probably driving them cracked. Typical eh?
I just want a bit of fun for a while and dont want to lead anyone on.

I'm sure if your ex was your template, she must have broken up with you, and you owe her nothing. Dont wait around for her.

So why would you feel the need to wallow on your own? Just dont mess anyone around.

visual

They are call ex for a reason
Might not seem right just now but a little space and time it gets easier to move on.

LegacyUser

You went out with her for 6 months -that's a short relationship.

OP, cop on here. Are you even on her radar?

While you're daydreaming and imagining you are 'waiting for her' she is probably getting on with her life, TOTALLY OBLIVBIOUS TO YOU. With no clue that you are imagining you will get back together with her.

As for wondering if you are a 'ba$tard' for going on dates with others, oh Dear OP, wise up. I take it she broke it off with you?

Then no, you're not a ba$tard, but perhaps slightly deluded thinking you two are going to get back together.

LegacyUser

Wise up man I agree , its easier said than done to put into practice though, as I said have been with a fair few girls since then ,dating every weekend, , so I am trying, I'm not moping around, I assure you... There are some circumstances involved like we said we may meet up down the line and see what happens...I have been in three 4 yr relationships since i was 18, and tbh the 6 months I had with this girl beats them for all intensity, when you go through that, and in 30s , 6 months is not the same as when you're 18 or in 20s....In your 30's you know what you want, so a lot of dates and meetings go nowhere, (thats how I am anyway)Thats how I feel, but thanks for the post

LegacyUser

wise up man wrote: »

You went out with her for 6 months -that's a short relationship.

OP, cop on here. Are you even on her radar?

While you're daydreaming and imagining you are 'waiting for her' she is probably getting on with her life, TOTALLY OBLIVBIOUS TO YOU. With no clue that you are imagining you will get back together with her.

As for wondering if you are a 'ba$tard' for going on dates with others, oh Dear OP, wise up. I take it she broke it off with you?

Then no, you're not a ba$tard, but perhaps slightly deluded thinking you two are going to get back together.

Thats not very fair now. Not all 6 month relationships are equal. Some arent so serious, true. But sometimes one can be led to believe that it is a serious thing before the plug is pulled.

Most people do have an element of denial going on before they can fully accept a relationship is over. Its not so easy sometimes to move on as you make out.

LegacyUser

Hi op. I can completely relate to your situation. I find myself in pretty much the exact same scenario at the min. A 6 month relationship ended around the same time as yours. Even though it was only 6 months it was the most intense relationship I've had in lots of ways. We didn't end on bad terms, a case of circumstances really. And recently we've been in touch again and have met up. I still have strong feelings for him. I've come a long from the heartbroken state I was in at first and am happy and pretty much back to myself again. I knew I was strong enough again to see him and be fine afterwards. I'm kind of trying to read behind the lines at the minute and guage what he's thinking. Easier said than done though! Does your ex know how you still feel? Have you spoken to her lately about it? Sometimes it just has to be said straight out. I'm thinking of doing the same if we keep meeting up. I suppose what I've been doing is showing that I've been busy and having fun and getting on with things and I think it's that that has sparked some interest on his part again.

Starokan

every minute you spend waiting for an ex is a minute to long

keep living your life , your single now, if your ex comes back into your life then happy days. At the moment you are doing the best thing possible by getting out there and meeting new people.

the idea of meeting up after a while and seeing how you get on is only a way of softening the blow of the break up. If the relationship was good for both of you then you would still be in it

Miss Fluff

Starokan wrote: »

the idea of meeting up after a while and seeing how you get on is only a way of softening the blow of the break up. If the relationship was good for both of you then you would still be in it

+1. She is in all probability only saying that she'll meet up and think about giving it another go to make you feel better. It's obviously giving you false hope and maybe you need to resign yourself to the fact that it's over and that you don't have a future with her.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies, i should have given more info, after we broke up , we tried friend route, i had a great time hanging out etc, then she said it wasnt good for her, that she still had feelings etc and saw me as bf material, obviously that confused the hell out of me, so we had no contact, we then met by chance and i decided to tell her how i felt, (asked her out, she said it was too early, we kissed and no contact since, i dont want the drama, i'd rather see how summer goes and find out later),

tbh if i was hearing this from someone else would say the same, and I am really trying to move on, thats the killer....Its just no girl compares , and I'm not some teenage kid here, I'm a professional adult male who has no problems getting female company, (not being cocky) , I have broken other girls hearts in the past year, (unintentionally) maybe its karma, I really don't know, thanks for replies

Miss Fluff

She sounds like a nice girl and you sound like you're hounding her and won't get the message. She dumped you. She felt sorry for you so agreed to be friends to let you down gently. You obviously got false hope from this. Rather than make a clean break she then said she was finding it too hard - again letting you down gently. You now won't seem to let it go and yet you're saying how women find you irresistable and how you're a heart breaker. Tbh you sound pretty deluded and someone who probably totally needs to be on their own for a while to get their head straight. You don't seem to know your arse from your elbow.

Sungodbr

sensitive soul wrote: »

I'm a professional adult male who has no problems getting female company, (not being cocky) , I have broken other girls hearts in the past year

you should try and get over your heartbreak man, this girl is making it clear she doesnt want you in her life or care for you that way, you need to take care of yourself now, whether it be with other girls all good they can handle the heartbreak Im sure, just get over this yourself man....then you will find someone again

visual

sensitive soul wrote: »

She had not spelled it out in black and white but the message is the same she doesn't want a relationship of any sort.

Rejection is hard to deal with but it's something we must accept and move on.

Get on with your life ! You can't live on false hopes. This ex isn't good for you and leaving you with the wrong impression isn't good. It might save her feelings but at your expense.

It's obvious you have tried and given it more than an 2nd chance.
Cut all ties and walk away as a man with your head held high.

LegacyUser

Appreciate all replies, so miss fluff, i sound deluded do I, I was just as honest as possible..I never said I was irresistable to women, or anything of the sort plus I am not hounding anyone ;-)

I am seeing or dating 2 girls a week (casually) since this happened, thats all....I felt your comment was a bit much tbh and you have your own agenda, but thats cool, overall I agree with all the comments, after all I have put myself up here as asking for advice ;-) so I will take everything thrown at me,

Met a really cool girl at weekend, so hoping I appreciate this for a while rather than dwell too much on past, as John Lennon said, life is what happens when you're busy making other plans...I need to get with this and quickly, no one knows it more than myself, thanks very much for replies ,much appreciated ;-)

7Sins

Jesus, take it easy on the guy will ye.
OP from what I gather, you're merely asking if dating other women is bad karma if you've feelings for another? It is unfair on any new dates if you're the one leading them on with no intentions of anything serious happening because you've your head in the clouds over another woman.

You also mention that this woman is in her 30's too, so likewise I'm sure you can appreciate that she has the experience with dating and to know what she wants too and I'm afraid it simply isn't you.

Best, leave her go. If her heart was ever in the right place it will return but don't bank on it or hold out any hope.

Son_of_Belial

Miss Fluff wrote: »

She sounds like a nice girl and you sound like you're hounding her and won't get the message. She dumped you. She felt sorry for you so agreed to be friends to let you down gently. You obviously got false hope from this. Rather than make a clean break she then said she was finding it too hard - again letting you down gently. You now won't seem to let it go and yet you're saying how women find you irresistable and how you're a heart breaker. Tbh you sound pretty deluded and someone who probably totally needs to be on their own for a while to get their head straight. You don't seem to know your arse from your elbow.

I'm not sure you're getting the thrust of OP's message - he wants to know if he's being a b@5tard dating other girls when he isn't over his ex. No harm in dating - when he meets the right girl and it feels right it'll just flow and he'll forget about his ex.

Gilda Fortune

Ask her out to dinner.
Be confident - women love confidence. Tell her its her last ticket to the love train and either she boards the train or bugs on
If she says no, move on and wait no more.

LegacyUser

Thanks for replies, i think the best thing I can do is get on with things, I'm big into physical training and doing some work related exams so I guess get myself happy first and stay busy, if it happens with her it happens, I can't afford to think about her every day in the way I have been...Some of the girls I have been with or stopped seeing I literally never gave a second thought, when you're into someone a week seems such a long time, its so different, its not really..

Once I get going and let it completely go, I'll be happier and if I ever see this girl again she'll see this, in the meantime I'll just have some fun when it suits, and be honest to a degree when dating (like I have been so far) ;-) I hope I can do this, as its very important to me to move on and I guess (though I dont believe it) if its meant to be ,it will happen down the line, (ex really believes in all that, I know it could be seen as letting me down gently etc, I'm no fool) Hopefully I'll be a lot stronger for all of this,