Reading between the lines

LegacyUser

Just looking for a bit of perspective. Went on a date recently, we got on excellently during it, chatted for hours. Towards the end of the night, he suggested going back to his place,& I agreed- on the understanding that things wouldn't become overly physical (not because of a lack of chemistry, just because it was the first date, keep a bit of mystery, ect).
All went well- he was a gentleman& (admittedly with a bit of difficulty!) stuck to his word, we parted the following morning, have met up twice since, and kept in contact day to day. Both early 30s.
Anyway, I guess I've been a bit sheltered dating wise (not long out of a LTR), but is it par for the course that guys invite their dates back to theirs to sleep with them, on the first date?
I'm not sure whether he was relaxed in suggesting it because he was comfortable with me personally, or whether this was standard procedure on all his dates...ie: whether to be flattered, or vaguely affronted?!
I guess my question is, do you ask/get asked back "for coffee" much on first dates? If so, is it a positive or negative thing re developing into a relationship? Am I being totally out of touch in even worrying about it at all?

Miss Fluff

dateques wrote: »

I guess my question is, do you ask/get asked back "for coffee" much on first dates? If so, is it a positive or negative thing re developing into a relationship? Am I being totally out of touch in even worrying about it at all?

In my experience, the guys who ask you back to stay are looking for a shag. The fact that you didn't is fine but I bet he chanced his arm anyway?

Have you slept with him yet?

Did you meet him online?

There's no yardstick. I know some people who are now married who slept together on the first night while others would prefer to wait.

But the fact that he wanted you to stay in his after only spending a couple of hours together nearly guarantees he was looking for the leg over. I doubt it was for cuddles and lengthy discussion on the Greek economy. Who's to say whether this could or could not develop into a relationship?

Maybe maybe not

If it specifically a relationship YOU are after I'd be sitting a few more dates if you're questioning it. Then decide whether you want to sleep with him rather than feel you should because he has invited you around. If he soon scarpers then maybe he was only out for one thing after all. If unsure of his motives hang on until you're ready and you know a bit more about him.

Kimia

He wanted to have sex with you. Simple as.

gypsy_rose

yes he did want to have sex with you on the first date but so what? this doesn't neccesarily mean that he's not interested in a relationship too. If you want to sleep with him as well just do it and don't go for this silly thing of having to wait if you want it to become more serious- that's a totally outdated opinion i think. any guy who loses respect for you because you have sex with him early is not worth the time because it means he thinks there are seperate rules for you and him and what applies to you doesn't apply to him- not great bf material!

LegacyUser

Thanks for your replies. Kimia, I've no doubt that he wanted to have sex with me .... my only query was the fact he was quite blase about it all. Possibly I'm so used to being in a LTR that it's a bit of a shock to the system to be propositioned by a practical stranger!
I do like the guy, I suppose will just have to go with the flow& see how things progress. He may only be out for one thing, he may be up for a relationship, guess there are no "rules".

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your replies. Kimia, I've no doubt as to his intentions, he wasn't exactly shy in voicing them - it's just the fact that he was quite blase about it all. I'm probably so used to being in a LTR that it was a bit of a shock being propositioned by a virtual stranger.
Suppose I'll just have to go with the flow& see whether it turns out to be a once off thing, or develops into something more. Didn't know if the first date thing was a red flag, that was all.
Seems like it may or may not be.

Emme

It's pretty standard for guys to ask a girl home after the first date, particularly if they've been married or in a LTR before. He was probably hoping for s*x and if you met him online he has probably got the legover this way a good few times before.

It's good that you've met again but if you're interested in more than a shag yourself I'd wait a while. If you don't hear from him again or after the next few dates it's obvious he doesn't want a relationship, just a legover.

zxcvbnm1

Emme wrote: »

It's pretty standard for guys to ask a girl home after the first date

I certainly wouldn't agree with the above. It is not standard at all in fact.

I'm not saying there is anything wrong in asking someone back - but it's definitely not the norm.

Wompa1

I got invited back to three girls houses after the first date. 2 put down the rule of no sex and with the other one I didn't try for it.

Seems like a bit of stereotyping going on...even though you're probably right.

lazygal

My husband asked me back to his on our first date! I didn't go and now we're married.

Any time a guy has asked me I always think they are chancing their arm, if you don't ask you don't get.

Devon Brown

It is possibly standard for THIS guy to ask all his dates back to his place on the first date. But we have no idea because we don't know enough about him. If you had fun on the date, great.
Don't over-analyze this kind of thing. Just concentrate on what makes you happy. Often times, especially early on in dating, over-thinking causes more troubles than it resolves.

Good luck.

mood

Emme wrote: »

It's pretty standard for guys to ask a girl home after the first date, particularly if they've been married or in a LTR before. He was probably hoping for s*x and if you met him online he has probably got the legover this way a good few times before.

Why would a guy who has been married or in a LTR before be more likely to invite a date back to him place? And what does online dating have to do with it? The OP never mentioned online dating!

OP if he was so blase about it then it's likely he invites a lot of girls back to his but it's hard to tell. Just see how it all goes.

Meinv

hello, what happened happened, don't worry about it. If you enjoyed the date then that's all it matters.