Are Guys With Asperger Syndrome Meant To Be Single

LegacyUser

Are guys with Asperger Syndrome not meant to have companionship with the oppossite sex? Is dating/relationships/sex not meant for males with Asperger Syndrome? Because I am a guy, who is 27, almost 28, never had a girlfriend, still a virgin, I don't know how to ask a girl out, my biggest problem is that I don't want to ask out too soon, and I don't want to ask out too late, I don't know how long I should get to know a girl before to ask her out, I am unable to tell if a girl likes me or is interested in me, which means I struggle to read non-verbal social cues.I feel this is a common issue for other guys who have Asperger Syndrome.

tatabubbly

yup, defo common, my bro has aspergers and hasn't to my knowlegde ever been out with a girl.

Are you joined up to any societies for people with autism? Maybe you could ask people there how they deal with dating?

ElleEm

Maybe try to meet up with others with Asperger's so you can share tips and feelings you may be having.
I don't think there is any "should" or "shouldn't" in this situation. Do what you feel is right for you. Would you like a girlfriend?
If you like a girl, and feel like you're getting on with her, then you could casually invite her for a cup of tea/ cinema or drinks.
Don't be afraid to do it again if you get rejected- you won't get a date if you don't ask for one!

seamus

WillIEverDateAnyone wrote: »

I am unable to tell if a girl likes me or is interested in me,

Believe me, this is not just an issue for someone with Asperger's
In many cases, there are little or no visual cues from either side that there is any specific romantic attraction. By and large, romantic relationships evolve out of friendly ones because one party or the other takes the "leap" and asks them out for coffee or whatever.

In reality though, there is no "meant to be". There is no rule of society or biology that requires people with asperger's to be single. However, if you have asperger's, that naturally means it's going to be a little more difficult to recognise the difference between a platonic relationship and one that has the potential for more. But it doesn't mean you're doomed to be single. Not at all.

I would concur with others - see if you can get in touch with and/or join asperger's or autism support groups. This is probably the best way to find out from other people how to deal with these challenges and also has the bonus that you could likely meet someone on your wavelength.

baby and crumble

Might be a silly suggestion, but have you seen the movie Adam, op? It's about a man with Aspergers who gets into a relationship with a woman he meets.. It's a very interesting, cute film, with a great cast. It looks at what it means to have aspergers and want to date, and what it's like to want to date someone with aspergers. So many people see aspergers as an intellectual disability, which it isn't.

<snip>

flutterflye

I'm married to one
And I know a lot of other women married/in relationships with guys with AS too.

Just try and find someone else equally as quirky, and who understands your difficulties.

If you find someone else who also has issues of some sort, you would imagine that this would lead to utter mayhem!
I am unsure as to whether this is just my own personal experience (and that of others I know), or if this is widespread, but I find that it sort of balances things out a bit (depending on what the issue/circumstances are).

Just an example off the top of my head;
I have ADD. With this, I have serious issues around time!
No matter how hard I try, no matter how many lists and plans are made, I am always, always late!
But, my husband's AS means that he is really rigid about time. He cannot handle the idea of being late, and works himself up into a panicky mess if he thinks he will be late.
So he generally gets me where I need to be on time (or nearly on time!)

I know that is a somewhat trivial example, but there are loads more ways that I help him or he helps me.

Also if there is one person with some sort of long term issues within the relationship, and the other person is relatively 'normal', then it can lead to a buildup of resentment and frustration, unless he/she is patient, understanding, and accepting of the trials of a relationship with someone with AS - which by the way is by no means impossible to find, just harder.

Of course though, this is all way down the line for you.
First you need to find a girlfriend.

What is your interest/interests?
Seeing as how you most likely have one or a few 'things' that you are very interested in, maybe you could find someone who also enjoys the same thing(s)?

The thing is these days is that a lot of communication is online or text messages.
So, you could either meet someone in RL and get their facebook/e-mail etc... details, and chat to them online initially for the most part.
Or meet someone online (maybe on a forum relating to your interest?), and meet up after a while.

Regarding when to ask out.
To be honest, I have no idea what to advise you here, because you are not going to be able to pick up on the usual cues/vibes.
So maybe just bite the bullet and ask someone out if you like them, regardless of how they feel or what vibes they are giving off.
How else will you ever know where you stand?
If they don't want to go out, hopefully they will be honest, and tell you so.
Nobody likes rejection, but it's got to be better than trying to guess how people feel, resulting in you never trying.

I wouldn't blurt out "I have AS" as the first thing you say to someone, but I would say it early on at some point.
It will help them understand certain things about you.

Have you watched the film Adam?
If not, watch it.
A bit girly, but you might enjoy it.

All of this is just my opinion.
I could be completely wrong about everything I said!
Best of luck


Edited to add:

I think a lot of what makes my own relationship work is the fact that I am very in tune with myself and my emotions, and those of others.
So say if my husband is acting a certain way, I can figure out why he is acting that way, which makes it easier for me to understand that he is not just being an a$$hole or doesn't care about me, and also I can help him understand why he is acting that way too, which helps him understand himself over time.
Point being, maybe look for someone who is able to empathise well with others?

Needler

WillIEverDateAnyone wrote: »

Are guys with Asperger Syndrome not meant to have companionship with the oppossite sex? Is dating/relationships/sex not meant for males with Asperger Syndrome? Because I am a guy, who is 27, almost 28, never had a girlfriend, still a virgin, I don't know how to ask a girl out, my biggest problem is that I don't want to ask out too soon, and I don't want to ask out too late, I don't know how long I should get to know a girl before to ask her out, I am unable to tell if a girl likes me or is interested in me, which means I struggle to read non-verbal social cues.I feel this is a common issue for other guys who have Asperger Syndrome.

You know lad I'm not sure if aspergers syndrome really exists at all. Social workers and their ilk are quick to slap on a diagnosis when it suits them ie. when they need more work.

So if you go around saying 'I have aspergers syndrome, I will never find someone, and there is no point in trying, and I'll mess it up anyway because I'm socially inept' well then you will have all these problems simply from lack of trying and depression.

Sure just ask these girls out if you want, you'll find out yourself if it was too soon or too late. I wouldn't go around saying you have aspergers syndrome or any of this because news spreads you know and soon lots of girls will be put off because they think there's something wrong with you

Ickle Magoo

Needler - you are not qualified to diagnose the OP or suggest misdiagnosis, so please do not give advice with the assumption that you are.

If you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

Many thanks.

Kevin Duffy

flutterflye wrote: »

I'm married to one
etc.

What a lovely post