Fed up

LegacyUser

Would just like peoples opinions on this. I have been with my gf for over 2 years she was never thin or anything but she is cute and is like my soul mate personality wise. We both agreed to lose weight together while i dont need to lose much i decided to lose it and tone up. We only see each other every 2 or 3 weeks at the moment so its hard. When im with her i help her and make sure we eat healthy and she always loses a pound or 2 and is happy. But when im not with her she gains it back or doesnt lose any weight. Since we decided to lose weight about 2 months ago i have lost a stone and if anything she probably has stayed the same weight.

All she does is moan and give out about me and how i want a skinny girl and she will never be that. She tells me she doesnt eat crap and exercises but she has lost nothing, while i have. She is always moody, never happy about herself and it drags me down and im fed up of it. I told her the other night im not happy and if she wants me as much as she says than its last chance, im not trying to be cruel but she has been moaning about weight since i can remember and does nothing about it. I want her to be happy, but she is miserable and it always starts fights and im not happy anymore.

I dont know what more to do im not happy anymore and she knows the problem but wont do anything about it. She acts like a child everytime i talk about it and dont know what to do, im after telling her im not happy and unless she does something than im not staying with her. Is this stupid, cruel or what i just dont know what to do. I dont want her to be a skinny supermodel, just lose some weight and be happy and that way we are both happy. Am i wrong i just dont see anything more i can do she doesnt seem to care we are unhappy.

LegacyUser

That's complicated, I don't know what I would do there but I can understand how you feel.

shinikins

Did she agree to lose weight to make you happy, or did she really want to lose weight for herself? If she only said it to make you happy then there lies your problem. Another thing you have to remember is that women store fat in a completely different manner to men, and lose it much slower. So while you may be shedding pounds with no problems, its so much more difficult for her, and she may have lost motivation. You might want to look at how much emphasis your putting on weight loss too, perhaps your putting pressure on her that you don't realise. If she really wants to lose some weight, then perhaps she should join something like Weight Watchers, that way she will have weekly motivation, and won't be comparing herself to you!

Pebbles68

Even if she agreed to lose weight with you she is clearly having a more difficult time. The last thing she needs from you is an ultimatum. Seriously? "Lose some weight or I'll leave you". Surely you can be more supportive. I know I struggled for about 5 years with my weight. I gained nearly 4 stone very quickly and found it impossible to lose. I went from denial to anger to blaming my partner and I know how much pain I felt when I looked in the mirror or went shopping for clothes. Take a break from discussing it, clearly her head isn't in the right place for that. If you do love her apologise for the ultimatum before you lose her. Which would you prefer, a slightly over weight girlfriend or none at all?

Kevin Duffy

Who initiated the weight-loss plan? She may be hurt that she feels you want her to change, or hacked off that she suggested something and you made a better job of it than she did.

I'm not clear on the imminent ultimatum - are you planning on telling her you're not happy with her body, or telling her you're not happy with her moaning about her shape but doing nothing about it?

Darkginger

Diets can be miserable things, and being put under pressure to lose weight doesn't help. Why don't the two of you take up a hobby that involves a lot of (fun) exercise (don't titter at the back, there!)? Hillwalking, maybe, or cycling or even paintballing - whatever you're into. Get off her case about the weight - she'll either lose it for HERSELF, or not at all. Love her the way she is, and help her with her self-esteem. No one wants to be overweight, but it's a lot easier to do something about it when you feel good about yourself, rather than a failure.