Romance and friends

LegacyUser

Frequent poster on other forums, post in PI irregularly, but going unreg for this (not that anyone on boards knows me in real life!)

I'm 22 and just out of college, never had a serious relationship. Only kissed a handful of people, never had sex. I kinda shy away from all that, putting it down to being more of a relationship person than a one-night-stander, or a date-goer-oner as opposed to a get trashed in a nightclub and hook up with a stranger. I guess that's cause I wear my heart on my sleeve and can get hurt really easily. I figure as I get older, people of my maturity and attitude will crop up more and more often, so I don't let it get me down, too much.

Lately, a guy I hang out with has kinda caught my eye. We get on really well, he's possibly even my best male friend. We've all hung out in a relatively small group since mid-teenagerdom. He's my age, though not finished college for another year (maybe two), and got out of a two year relationship a few months ago, which I know he's having a bit of a hard time with. I'd really like to be with him, when he smiles at me, I get that feeling, y'know. Thing is, we have a lot in common, but when it comes to the relationship side of things, he's the complete opposite to me. I know he's had one-nighters (once with a friend of mine who has no idea how I feel) and is the type just to kiss strangers in a night club.

Basically, I want him to want to be with me, but he knows what I'm like and might feel that I'd trap him or something, he's far more into going out than I am. I wouldn't care if he still went out with his mates.

Mostly, we are good friends, and I just don't want him to be another one that breaks my heart.

Sorry if this doesn't make much sense, I'm a little confused too!

xxx

James400

If he's your best male friend you may already be in the 'friend zone' with this guy and unfortunately he may only think of you in that way.

If he did have a genuine interest in you romantically he would have asked you out already.

I think you're better off going for somebody who's more suited to you.

Also, you're only 22 so your still quite young, you've plenty of time.

LegacyUser

Heya,

You really need to think hard and deep about this. You said he is one of your best male friends, if going out with him and it dosent work, will this ruin your friendship?

We all heared about the story were the guy falls for his best female friend, and he tells her and it destroys the relationship(hey happened to me, told the girl i was best friends with and now havent talked to her since, still think about her atleast once a week), this is the exact same, it dosent matter if its the girl falling for the guy. So you really need to think deep and hard is this what you want, are you willing to sack your friendship for the chance of dating him, and if it dosent work take it like it is and not dwell on your mistake.

You said that he is the opposite of you(Going out, one night stands etc,etc), Would this upset you if you were dating(I know you said it wouldnt), if he would go out at nights with the friends. People say that these things dont mind to them ,but secretly eats them alive you might get trust issues or dont know what happens when he is drunk etc,etc. One of my friends relationship got destoryed because of this, becuase he didnt trust his girlfriend and likewise with him when they went out drinking.

Next thing is, If you do tell him and he just dosent feel the same way,but the friendship contiunes. You both get on well, and ye are going out the a nightclub together with a group of friends, and he has a bit to much to drink, would he be the guy who would look for the kiss at the end of the night and have a one night stand, and say hey "latenightgirl had a thing for me, I could totaly score her tonight" Come on to you, and then breaking your heart later on?

And Finnaly the next thing you need to think about is are you taking up feelings of good friendshp as falling for him, just due to the fact that you havent had a boyfriend in a while, are you reacting to feelings that might not be there at all? Since you knew him for such a long time, and you said you never had a serious realtionship and only had a handfull of kisses. Are you taking something out of context with his smiles, and just wanting some sort of realtionship.

I hope this helped you in some way. There are always those stories where best friends start dating and fall in love and stay with each other, but in most cases they ruin the friendship(I could be bitter cause it happened to me)

But you only live once. You might regret it, but who knows.

John400

Unfortunately i have to agree.

If he liked you initially he would have already asked you out (if he wanted to be involved romantically with you) and he hasn't so your most probably in the friend zone.

My gut feeling is that he doesn't think of you in a romantic way.

syklops

I dont mean to sound shallow but I didn't know guys had friend zones. I don't.