depressed single father

LegacyUser

As the title says i am a single father who is very depressed.I had a baby with my ex girlfriend last year.I had broken up with her when she rang me and told me she was pregnant.I was devastated as i never wanted to spend my life with her.I love the baby now even though i never wanted it.
The problem is the ex keeps ringing or texting me.She wants me to get back with her.She is always asking have I been out and have i been meeting other women.I said it was none of her business.Now she wouldnt let me see the child.She says she loves me but i never felt the same about her.Im very depressed.Iv lost all confidence.im afraid i will never meet anyone again and no girl will be with me now because i have a kid.I just blame myself everyday for being so stupid over not being more careful.She said she was on Pill but it didnt work anyway.Im just so down over this.anyone have any advice?

ash23

depressed single father wrote: »

As the title says i am a single father who is very depressed.I had a baby with my ex girlfriend last year.I had broken up with her when she rang me and told me she was pregnant.I was devastated as i never wanted to spend my life with her.I love the baby now even though i never wanted it.
The problem is the ex keeps ringing or texting me.She wants me to get back with her.She is always asking have I been out and have i been meeting other women.I said it was none of her business.Now she wouldnt let me see the child.She says she loves me but i never felt the same about her.Im very depressed.Iv lost all confidence.im afraid i will never meet anyone again and no girl will be with me now because i have a kid.I just blame myself everyday for being so stupid over not being more careful.She said she was on Pill but it didnt work anyway.Im just so down over this.anyone have any advice?

Don't respond to queries unless it's about your child. Try to get your ex to go to mediation to put access and maintenance etc in order. If she refuses get a solicitor and get it put in place legally. She shouldn't be stopping you from seeing your child.

As for the regrets, what's done is done and you got a beautiful child out of this mess so look on the positives. Yes it was a mistake but it's not the worst mistake. You need to accept that this cannot be changed and start making the best of it, starting on getting some sort of relationship with your child.
As for women not wanting a single father, I don't think that will be much of a problem. Plenty of single mothers and fathers meet new partners, date and go on to get married and have more kids. It's a little more complex where children are involved, but not nearly as much as if you had your child full time. You have plenty of free time to date etc.
If you don't fight to see your child then yes, women may not like that you have a child you aren't making an effort to see.

So focus for now on getting something in place formally so you can avoid confrontation with the mother of this child and minimise contact.

And next time you have sex with a woman you would hate to have a child with, use a condom, even if the girl is on the pill.

LegacyUser

Cmon now.... It's not the end of the world! How many blokes are there out there now that have not just 1 but 2 and 3 kids and are single/in a new relationship?? Plenty I tells ye! Anyway the one thing I will say to ye is you will NEVER I repeat NEVER get rid of your ex as long as you've got a child with her she will be in your life forever. The only way of getting through to her is to maybe meet up with her with a family member of yours (preferbaly female!) sort out arrangements for seeing your child like every second weekend or whatever it may be... everything from where you will pick the child up from, to where you drop her home, times, days... Birthdays everything and get as much of it down on paper as you can! She CANNOT take the child away from you! Ring TREOIR for unmarried/seperated parents 1800937974 and find out what your rights are.
And by the way I'm with my partner of 4 years and he's got a 7 year old his ex is a weapon and I love him so there okay. Suck it up, know your rights and your ex is your ex you'll move on she'll move on and your child will be fine as long as your both there for him/her

Taltos

OP - I am assuming you have had a paternity test completed proving you were the father? If not do so immediately.

Also seek some advice about getting visitation rights defined and agreed to.
As per the previous poster don't for one second give into her blackmail - actually it shows what a close escape you have had.

You really do need to limit your contact or only keep it relevant - make sure you keep records of everything - all texts; calls; threats - keep it all...