Should I let go of friend??

LegacyUser

Just want some advice please.... I'm 30ish and have been friends with this girl for about 6/7 years. She still lives at home and I used to stay in her house every other weekend. She's single and I'm in a relationship and living with my partner 4 years now..Anyway for family reasons I couldn't really stay with her EVERY second weekend anymore. I explained why and she was fine about it! Thought it would have been alright after going up there every second wkend for the last 6/7 years!!! I went away for a couple of days and was due back on the friday and had mentioned that I may come to stay with her if I wasn't too wrecked after the hols, first of all got a txt off her while I was away asking was I staying on Friday, I again said I would see how I was, then as soon as I arrived back home got a txt from her saying well are you back yet what time will you be up at? I was kind of annoyed and said I was going home for a sleep and would ring her later as I was wrecked! When I did ring her she was very snotty with me! Anyway I left her sulk for a week and we got back talking and I arranged to go up again that Friday to make up for the fact I didn't go up the week before she then TXT me on the Thursday saying she forgot that she had 2 engagements on so couldn't do Friday! I know for a fact she was lying and found this so immature and unnecessary! Anyway I haven't contacted her since then and she hasn't contacted me either (few joke emails here and there) I just think tbh whats the point a real friend doesn't have that kind of reaction just because something like that happens and also I have my own place and I actually gave up inviting her up because she always said no! So it just makes me think maybe I've outgrown her................ But the guilt is also getting to me

whatdoicare

TBH I'd have been a bit miffed at you for that as well - I mean, if a pal was not sure if they were coming over or not and gave no definite answer, leaving me hanging about all day instead of being able to make other plans, it would most likely be the last time I would invite that pal over. I don't blame yr friend for cancelling the next week if you didn't even say sorry.
It's a real pet hate of mine as I can't go anywhere or do anything until I know what the story is.
Go ring your friend and apologise for leaving her hanging and invite her round to see yr holiday photos. Be more considerate next time.

cats.life

now op, you did tell friend of what you were going to do, and did tell her you didnt know on how you be after being away etc, does this friend have any more friends that they could hang around with.? i dont see why friend is mifed at all. they knew the score. if friend cant be botherd coming to you cant see why she dont, is it cos friend is jealous of person your with?????

Katgurl

She is potentially beign a bit childish by not speaking to you straight (if she IS sulking) but you're being inconsiderate. you shouldn't have told her "maybe" and then "i'll let you know later" when she looked for clarification. I would feel completely taken for granted if I was her.

If you want to spend less time with her given your other circumstances that is perfectly acceptable but expecting her to wait around for you to make decisions is not. It suggests she has nothing else to do. The fact that you have a partner & she doesnt is neither here nor there, she still has her own life and shouldnt be expected to fit it around yours.

How do you know she didn't have other engagements? Ok so if she made it up, its a bit immature. But maybe she has decided it is time she made some other friends and didn't want to wait around any longer for your decisions to shape her social life.

If your friend had posted here I would have advised her to widen her own circle of friends and not be in a position where she is waiting for you to be available.

Juicyfruit

As a few posters have said, you weren't giving her a difinitive answer as to whether you were going up or not.

TBH, this type of thing really bugs me.

Why should she have had to sit around all day waiting for you to confirm whether you were going to see her or not? You should have told her outstraight that you were or you weren't.

She may have wanted to make other plans if you decided to not go up and by you telling her you weren't sure it was preventing her from doing so.

Also, if you told her at the last minute that you weren't going it may have been too late for her to arrange anything else.

I actually think you're being unfair here and the fact that you're asking if you should "let go" of your "friend" because of it makes me think that you don't really value her friendship that much.

She may think that you're not pushed either way anymore and don't really care whether you see her or not.

In situations like this I always find it best to try and look at things from the other person's point of view.

ElleEm

I disagree with the other posters.

I think your friend is being very immature.
You didn't say you would be going to visit her for definite, yet she seemed to assume you were. If, as other posters suggested, she wanted to make other plans, then she wouldn't have been so stuck on the idea of you going to stay with her.

Does she expect much of you in other ways? In my opinion, visiting a friend for two full weekends out of every month is a bit much. When do you spend time with your other friends, partner or family?

I reckon you need to have a chat with her about her expectations of YOU going to stay with HER every other weekend. Ask her to stay with you once a month or so, just to make it easier on you.

If you value her friendship, you should work on making it better before you just decide to "let go".

LegacyUser

Thanks for that ^^.... I know she had no plans that night because other than me the only other people she goes out with are family members... She has NEVER stayed over in mine and if I suggest meeting up any other time like during the week its a NO I just feel like its always me doing the running and suggesting we go out more rather then sitting around when I do go up... I know its been like a routine for the last couple of years and now that I can't go up as much as I used to it's like why get snotty with me over it. I just think being friends is about being understanding and even if we didn't see each other for months you still pick up where you left off. The only reason I'm peed off is because I thought our friendship meant more than that and can't believe she over reacted, then lied and now I haven't heard from her in 3 months! God help the friendship if I was to have a baby!