Is this normal?

Hyperlogic

Hey,

Myself and my girlfriend are both 28 years old, and have been together for about 2 years now. The other week, she told me she wouldn't be over to mine (we don't live together, but she stays in my house quite a bit).

This was because she was going out for a meal with her family for her Dad's birthday. I know her Dad well, we seem to get on fine and I'm told he's very fond of me.

I know my family are very friendly and inclusive, and maybe hers are just more "exclusive" but I couldn't help but wonder why an invite hadn't been extended to me?

Is it odd? Quite a few of my friends seem to think it was!

dixiefly

Some families dont extend invitations beyond what they term "immediate" family. Are there any other siblings with long term partners? Have any of them been invited? Over the 2 years have you been invited to any family events?

My thought on it is that it is unusual and you should have been invited. However, whether it is a direct snub to you or whether they regard these things to be appropriate for their immediate family could be answered by answering the questions above.

LegacyUser

People differ in this regard. My GF tended invited me along to such things, whereas I wouldn't have been that bothered, either about going or inviting her to similar things on my side. Indeed she invited along to lunch with her family the day before she dumped me after three years, so it meant nothing to her.

lace

Some families are just like that.

I know a friend of mine had a girlfriend for 7 years. She became part of the family, his nephews saw her as their auntie and his mother absolutely loved her - the two did so much together. When they broke up his mother was devastated (literally cried for weeks) and ever since then family occasions in their house are kept mainly immediate-family-only as she doesn't want to get too close to her kids' girlfriends/boyfriends again.

It could also be that they were going somewhere expensive or worried that if they invited you they would have to invite other friends/girlfriends/boyfriends etc. Perhaps he just wanted to spend time with his kids (your gf is still his little girl, after all).

Do you generally get on well with the family and have you been asked to such occasions in the past?

If it's really bothering you you could mention it to your girlfriend just to check there's nothing up but, tbh, I don't think it's that big a deal.

Chucky the tree

Don't think it's odd at all. It's a family occassion and your not family. I could understand if you were going out for a long time but 2 years is pretty short really.

baby and crumble

Some families like to keep things to themselves, my family would be like that. Possibly if all the other partners had been invited (unless they're married or something) then maybe it'd be weird. Perhaps he has something he wants to tell his kids first, without others with them? My folks have done that once or twice, for both happy and sad reasons... you can't assume if you're in what's not a terribly long relationship that you'd be included in things like that.

tenchi-fan

Maybe he just wanted to bond with his family. You're not family.
In the words of beyonce "if you like it you should put a ring on it"

IrishEyes19

Have to agree with the other posters, it was a family meal for her dad's birthday, possibly sharing past stories and bonding together. why would you think you should be invited? No offence, I get that you are her boyfriend, but family time is family time. Dont listen to your friends as it being odd. Its more so odd that these days the OH nearly has to go everywhere their partner goes.

I am a friend

Maybe they could not afford to bring non family as well

ManOfMystery

Does she have a lot of brothers and sisters, and do they have partners too?

I only ask because I've been in a similar situation with an ex who had a big family. And basically, when one partner was invited, every partner had to be invited so a 'small family occasion' quickly multiplied into a huge group.

Regardless of that, sometimes families just want some family time - partners don't have to be asked to every occasion. Don't take it as a personal affront to you, if they say her father is fond of you then I'm sure that's the case.

Kevin Duffy

I comparable but reversed situations, what have you done? In 2 years, there has to have been equivalent occasions, did you extend invites to her for your family occasions, or did you include her family in your birthday celebrations?

squonk

I'd be of the view that things change and kids grow up and start going out with people. I'd assume you're usually included in other occasions. If you are good. Otherwise they may be a closed enough family which is their business.

I have family members who are married and even when they were going out with their OH's they'd show up for family events. Every so often though, and it's very rare, the whole bunch of us end up in a situation where it's just 'all us', no OH's, friends or anything else and it's lovely. It's not that the OH's are not wanted, it's just that it goes right back to when you were just you, as kids, and your parents. That's priceless and the longer time goes by, the harder that is to achieve.

If my OH didn't invite me to the odd family thing I'd understand completely. 2 years isn't that long. don't worry about it.